


Some Nights When We're Sober

by VeronAleen



Category: Babii, offgun
Genre: Chance Meetings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Crush, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 49,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25743667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronAleen/pseuds/VeronAleen
Summary: Off had always been longing for a feeling he never had nor felt; Love. Not until he met Gun—a transferee from a different department whom he saw dancing under the big old tree of their school one late evening after having a good taste of someone he just met in a bar.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 8
Kudos: 141





	1. Prologue

Off grabbed a bottle of beer placed on a bucket while listening to the loud sound coming from the large speakers inside the bar. The girl next to him keeps on talking with a seductive tone trying to impress him with sweet talks but Off isn’t in the mood right now. Different colored lights slightly blind him as he tried to search for the figure he wanted to see. Everyone’s busy on the dance floor but surely, not everyone stays in the middle just to dance. Grinding to someone isn’t a scene new to every regular customer in a bar like Off except this time—he can clearly see how the smaller guy tried to initiate the dance with a taller man. His hands around the latter’s small waist while the other’s hands locked on the guy’s neck, their faces too close to each other and if someone will accidentally bumps them, he’s already sure for the next thing to happen.

Off stood up with the bottle still on his left hand. His grip became tighter but he isn’t sure what’s the reason why he’s mad. He should be happy that Gun is now enjoying the night unlike earlier when they arrived together. The girl who had been with him since earlier held his hand but he removed it as fast as he could.

**_“Sorry. I’m not in the mood for a one-night stand so please leave”_** he said which offended her and walked away while stomping his feet but Off couldn’t care less. Once again, he tried to look for Gun only to find out that he’s not in the same place where he had seen him. **_“Fuck”_** he said as he pulls his hair because of frustration.

**_“Where are you going?”_** Tay asked him after coming back from the comfort room after an hour—as he reasoned. As much as he wanted to talk to his friend, he doesn’t want to waste time just to listen to Tay explain why he had a mark on his neck.

Off searched on every corner of the crowded place be it under the tables or inside the girls’ comfort room. He doesn’t care to be called a maniac because right now, he’s sure that he really looks like one while trying to look for Gun. He wasted minutes inside the bar on his search not because the place is that big but because he would like to make sure that Gun isn’t inside so he could go on wheels and look for the nearest motel which is the last place he hopes to find Gun. **_“Damn Off, you shouldn’t have brought him here. You piece of shit_** ”, he told himself

Off immediately went out of the bar leaving Tay and Arm behind. He doesn’t care anymore how those two could go back to their dorm because he’s now on his way to the parking lot, running towards his black car given by his mom as a gift on his 20th birthday, something he isn’t really grateful of. He’s about to start the engine when he looked at his side mirror and saw someone sitting on a wooden bench—it was Gun.

**_“Gun!”_ **

Gun gazed in awe as he saw Off walking towards him. He’s wearing his plain black shirt with his denim jacket hanging on his shoulder but he’s sure that though it may look simple as it is, those clothes cost thousands. His white shoes about to lose because of the strings aren’t knotted properly. Despite of Off’s grumpy face, he can’t help but be mesmerized of him. Off took the empty space next to him with his brows still arching. Gun isn’t sure why he looks like he could kill someone right now.

**_“What are you doing here, Off?”_** he asked while his eyes are fixed on a piece of stone on the ground.

**_“I was looking for you”_ **

**_“Why?”_** Off was caught off guard because of Gun’s question. He paused for a moment to think of the best reason to tell him.

**_“I thought you’ll be having your first time so I would like to give you some lube and condom and maybe some suggestions for a better position?”_ **

Off heard how Gun chuckles. He can’t help but smile while looking at him. He isn’t sure why he said that reason but at some point, he felt ease. He knows that he won’t be giving those things to Gun if he saw him in one of the motel rooms with some other man; rather, he might give the Gun’s guy a heavy blow on his face if he really caught him.

**_“Safe sex, right?”_ **

**_“Yeah, safe sex”_** Gun’s laugh sounds like a soft melody in his ears. He saw how Gun kicked the stone on the ground, his dimples showing because of what Off said. It’s normal for them to talk about these kinds of things and Off cannot remember how they became so close but he’s sure of one thing—he’s comfortable with Gun’s company, as always.

**_“You know I can’t do that. I’m no fun have you forgotten what you’ve said?”_ **

**_“How could I? you don’t even know how to kiss someone”_** Off gave a teasing smile to Gun, he totally forgot that he was just mad at this guy earlier for disappearing in front of him.

**_“I know, you’re a pro in this field which made it easier for you to get girls and guys in any club or bar you’ll visit”_** Off might be thinking that Gun is trying to tease him back but Gun is just stating facts. Off was always the cool kid seen at school being adored by everyone because of his money, face, and of course, body but he was a total jerk. He could get any attention he wants but he prefers to be hidden in one corner. He couldn’t forget how that one faithful night of embarrassment could be the reason for them to meet.

**_“I told you, I’ll teach you. It’s best to learn from a pro”_** Off said as he leaned towards Gun with a mischievous smile trying to see how the guy will react but Gun doesn’t even budge.

**_“I’ve thought about that but I don’t want to be added to your list of one-night stands”_** Gun’s face turns to serious from being jolly, Off noticed it. Their faces are just a few inches away from each other and he can smell Gun’s breathe intoxicated with beer. A strong scent he never expected from someone who always has countless books and lesson plans on his hands.

**_“I never thought of adding you to that list. You are different. You aren’t like them”_** he tried to move away from Gun but it’s now too late because the latter already locked his arms on his nape and looked straight to his eyes.

**_“Really? then teach me Off”_** He saw Gun’s eyes being droopy and he knows that the tonic is now kicking in his system but he couldn’t remove his gaze to him. Gun’s eyes were as strong as a magnet and he can’t escape from it—no matter how hard he tries to pull himself; his eyes keep on betraying him. **_“If you’ll teach me, you should be responsible because I’m not good like you”_** Off couldn’t think of anything but he’s secretly hoping that Gun’s sober so he could be aware of what may happen to them once he keeps on doing this.

**_“You’ll regret this,”_** he said as he tried to get away from Gun’s drunk form. He’s getting weaker because of Gun’s touch and he knows that he needs to let go before anything could go wrong

****

**_“I won’t”_** those were Gun’s last words before he launched his lips to Off’s.

It was just a smack, not a deep one like what Off usually do to others but Gun’s lips gave him a different vibe. It’s a feeling he couldn’t explain, he felt comfortable with his touch and it’s something he wasn’t able to feel before. His whole body feels like begging for more and he can’t resist the temptation. It’s not just a simple heat that he had felt for the countless nights of fucks he had with people he met in clubs or calls from his dating apps, not even the feeling of attraction or lust he always had in his system whenever he sees someone who would like to ride a night with him—he felt cold but warmth at the same time and he love what he’s feeling right now.

**_“Fuck you Gun. I swear if you regret this, I’ll kill you”_** Off said as he deepened the kiss


	2. Chapter 1

The first day of class after semester break isn’t something that Off would like to witness. Students are rowdy as usual. Off has been counting how many students he had seen on his way to their room; people telling how much they’ve missed their so-called friends who do nothing but to spread shitty stories behind their backs.

He’s a bit stressed already when he felt a familiar heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Hey what’s up? Grumpy Gramps” Arm walks on his side as he teases Off who’s now surely looking annoyed. Arm could tell because his brows are now arching like he hasn’t seen anything appealing to his eyes.

“Oy Off, you should be happy to see me, don’t you think so?”

“Why should I? Both you and Tay aren’t useful to me” Off said as he wears his earphones to listen to a song with maxed volume. He doesn’t want to hear Arm early this morning because he doesn’t want to start a fight. He wasn’t able to get enough sleep last night after banging with someone he met in tinder. He wasn’t actually expecting that he could do rounds last night but he was lucky that the girl had some time so he met her and everything is history.

Arm kept on talking until they reached their room. The second semester is just like starting a whole damn year. He went inside a room full of new faces except for two—Tay and New who is now sitting next to each other.

Tay waved to them as soon as he saw Arm and Off. He’s smiling from ear to ear while his left arm rests on New’s shoulder. It was never new to him seeing Off looking mad early in the morning.

“Hey, Tay. Thought you already had a new one?” Arm said as soon as he took a sit in front of Tay and New. He’s trying to get on Tay’s nerves simply because he missed their little fights and of course because he’s the only one he could talk to this early.

“I knew you’ll bring me no good once I see you” Arm just laugh. He felt satisfied hearing Tay’s response. New and Tay had been dating for almost 4 months. They were together even before the start of semester break and both him and Off don’t have any problem with that. Their friend’s sexuality isn’t something that will break their bond that easy. In fact, they’re both happy for Tay since he never had a healthy relationship with anyone except for New because he never did. He was a total fucktard, just like Off.

“Don’t believe him, Hin. That shit isn’t true” Tay looked at New who’s unexpectedly smiling because of his man’s reaction. “What’s with that smile? You aren’t mad?” he asked because New’s smile won’t leave his face.

“Why should I? You said it’s not true” Tay sighed which made Arm and New laugh in chorus.

“You guys should be quiet for fucks sake” three of them turned their gaze to Off who’s apparently, listening to them without them knowing. His brows stitching because of irritation from the people who're been talking inside the room and the noise additional created by the three isn’t helping him.

“Oh! come on, the first day and you’re already in a bad mood? Weren’t you able to pin someone on the bed last night? You should be happy right now” Tay said which shocked Arm. He wasn’t aware of what they’re talking about.

“What? You hit on someone last night? You should have called me. I want to have some drinks” Arm was a bit disappointed with the information he got from Tay. He wasn’t able to leave the house for weeks because he had to learn things related to their family business. Being the eldest will never be easy for him because once they graduate, he’ll be carrying all the burden of their business and by that word burden, it means everything—even the smallest ones like how to sign papers or add stamps on the documents that he never expected he’ll be doing.

“I didn’t go to any club last night. I just got a call” Off answered him with a serious tone “And aside from that, remember that you aren’t just some kind of friend who can go out any time you want. Your mom clearly told us not to call you if there’ll be some night outs because you’ll be busy with your family shits”, he added with his hands tapping on his desk to give some emphasis on the word family shits.

“Oho, you see Arm, being born with a silver spoon isn’t always good right New?” Tay said while facing New trying to initiate a kiss on his boyfriend’s left cheek. Arm just gave the two a mocking face. Sometimes, he hates that Tay makes sense.

“But aren’t you guys getting free shirts from me? You should thank me” said Arm who’s now trying to defend himself from Off and Tay. Being in the field of fashion, Off and Tay are usually the models for the first release of the clothes from WC Studio. Though most of the time, Arm needs to offer Off multiple buckets of beer or a list of girls just so he would agree.

“I could even buy a whole branch if I want” Off said to his defense which made the three quiet. That very moment, he’s already aware that he won the conversation. “No more things to say?” Arm, Tay, and New shake their heads indicating that they accept defeat. It was always like that; they usually have this kind of bickering but Off always finds his way to win.

Off stood up and hang his bag on his shoulders. He doesn’t want to waste time on their first day because surely, all they will need to do is to introduce themselves to the people who will be with them for the whole semester. He doesn’t need to do that anymore. He’s been infamous since then and he doesn’t want additional attention.

“Where are you going? The class is about to start” he just looked at Tay. He knows that they will try to stop him so once again, he got his tangled earphones on his pants’ pocket and plunged it to his ears

“Don’t want fucking introductions, everyone knows me anyway so why to bother?” he then left everyone behind inside the room.

He decided to find somewhere peaceful. Students are running since the class is about to start but Off doesn’t care at all. His back is aching because of some wild session he had last night. He could go back to their house anytime he wants but it’ll be hard for him to go out since it’s still early in the morning and the guards won’t let him out especially since today’s the first day of the second semester. He already expects that they’ll act hypocrites for a week so instead of trying his way out of the school, might as well find somewhere he can be in peace.

He’s on his way to the school’s backyard where he usually stays if he doesn’t want to be found. It was a secret place offered to him by one of the maintenances when he was still in his first year. He could still remember how the old man saved his ass from being caught by a professor because of a cigarette stick he never intended to try. The stick isn’t his, but the man keeps on insisting and him being a stupid and problematic kid, lit it in front of the professor which made the man angrier. All he could do was laugh and hide then he was found by Mang Natoy. It was a memory he would never forget, especially since the older was like a father to him.

He was in deep thoughts while walking when someone accidentally bumps into him. He felt something hot on his body which made him cuss. He felt like his skin’s about to burn because of the coffee spilled on his chest. He looked fiercely to a man shorter than his height who’s currently in a panic because of what happened. Books and papers are scattered on the ground and Off were sure that those aren’t his because he never did bring anything with him except for a bag which is nothing but air.

“Are you just going to stare?” it was visible in Off’s face how irritated he was. His tone is also different, higher yet stronger than his usual voice because he’s now mad.

“I’m so sorry,” said the guy who’s wearing a regular striped shirt and baggy denim pants. It’s something that shouldn’t look good to someone but it sure looks better to the guy.

“Your sorry won’t remove the stain” The shorter man doesn’t know what to do. Off could feel that he’s scared but he couldn’t care less. He could see how the shorter’s hands shake but Off doesn’t give a fuck at all.

“What do you want me to do?” the guy mustered up his courage just to ask the question. “Just tell me what you want, Sir,” he said as he lowers his head so he won’t be able to see the mad man’s eyes.

“Sir? What a weirdo” Off isn’t used to be called with honorifics. Hearing someone calling him sir is all new to him. The shorter looks as if he’s trying to restrain himself to talk back but he won’t lookup. “You don’t know me?” Off added but the man in front of him isn’t moving.

Off saw how students gather around the two of them. It was a scene that catches the interest and curiosity of the others— some are laughing, some look like they would like to help him, some just don’t care at all. The increasing crowd isn’t helpful and it made the scene more dramatic and entertaining, something that Off really hates.

Off walks away from the guy who spilled his coffee leaving him confused. He doesn’t care anymore how ugly the stains look on his white polo. He just wanted to be out of everyone’s sight.

“Damn first day of classes won’t ever be good to me”

* * *

_“Why do you have to transfer to a new school? Are you sure you’re going to leave me?” Mook is crying in front of Gun. It’s too late already and he wanted to have a proper goodbye to his childhood friend._

_“I need to. I can’t stay here anymore and it won’t be good for you to be close to me since I’m labeled as the son of a murderer” hearing those words from Gun made Mook cry more. It is something she doesn’t want Gun to remember because the thought is just too painful and hard to swallow. Gun had always been the best friend she always has—kind, trustworthy, adorable, smart, and good looking. He never left Mook especially during the moments when she needed someone the most (like when her mom died and his father got hospitalized because of a car accident). She couldn’t accept the fact that she’s about to lose him because of a crime committed by his father._

_“You know you don’t need to listen to them, right? Please don’t go Gun” Her sobs are getting louder; her voice is cracking and it’s getting hard for her to breathe. She keeps on crumpling Gun’s shirt while her eyes are forcefully closed as she hopelessly prays for Gun to change his mind. “How will I be able to live without my best friend?”_

_Gun bit the side of his cheeks but was still able to smile at her—a bitter one._

_“You can still live without me by your side, Mook. I don’t want you to think that someone like me deserves to be the reason for you to be like this. I’ll like it better if you will say that you’ll be unhappy once I’ll leave but you’ll be fine as time goes by” He caresses his friend’s long soft hair hoping to make her feel better. “It’ll surely be hard for me too, to live without you Mook, because you had always been with me and I thank you for that”_

_The night is getting old and cold, the park where they’ve been enjoying most of their time, smiling and laughing together is now a witness of their painful separation. Gun never thought of leaving the place where he had spent half of his life—he built his dreams in this place but now he has no better option but to escape._

_“When are you going to leave?” Mook looked at him, her eyes are still puffy because of crying. She tried to stop her tears but she can’t and it hurts Gun to see her like this._

_“Tonight. I just came here to meet you and bid goodbye”_

_Silence envelopes the whole place as Gun stood up trying his best to wipe his tears away. He looked around the park; he’ll surely miss the huge tree next to the unfinished walls of an old house, the wooden bench where he used to sleep when trying to escape the screams of his parents fighting, and the ground where he used to lay whenever he wanted to look up and watch how the stars sparkle on the night sky._

_“I’ll miss this place”_

* * *

“Ma’am, can I have a cup of coffee?” Gun asked an elderly woman selling food on a cart outside his new school. The street is busy—students are holding books, professors wearing formal attires while walking proudly, loud horns from the cars passing. Everything is new to him and it feels like he’s living in a whole new world where everything is working and running fast, most especially, the time.

He wasn’t able to eat breakfast because his mother wasn’t around their house when he woke up. It could be unusual to others; waking up alone at home without a mother to guide you for your first day of class but it’s all normal for Gun. He was already used to it. Aside from the fact that he wasn’t able to take his breakfast, he was caught on heavy traffic which he never experienced in the province before which made her first day a lot worse.

“Here, twenty” He took the Styrofoam cup and give an orange bill to the lady who’s a bit grumpy this early morning and Gun couldn’t stop to wonder why. He took a glance at his old wristwatch given by his father. It’s near 8:00 am already and he’s about to be late for his first class.

He didn’t waste time anymore and walk fast while trying to dodge the large number of students trying to run after the time. He’s having a hard time to walk pass through the other students because of the books and papers on his left hand and a cup of hot coffee on his right.

_“Excuse me”_

_“Sorry please excuse, I have a coffee”_

_“I’m sorry please excuse me”_

He keeps on saying the same line for minutes already and luckily, the students tried to avoid him and gave him space not because he said excuses, but because no one would like to be spilled on with coffee that someone just bought from an old lady outside their school but maybe if it’s a coffee from a known coffee shop; star bucks for an instance, someone would.

Gun laughs because of the thought despite his time almost running out. He isn’t familiar with the place and he isn’t even sure which building the College of Education belongs to. He doesn’t know anyone and surely, his new school is big enough for him to get lost in an instant—something that he hasn’t realized yet.

He decided to check the first building he saw without thinking too much which floor he’ll be in. All he knows is he needs to attend his first class; probably not on time, but safe. Students are still all over the place but he doesn’t dare to ask anyone for the direction. His coffee isn’t that hot anymore but still warm enough to be called as hot coffee.

He’s on his way to the building when he accidentally bumped into someone. His books and papers immediately scattered on the ground; he lifts his head only to see a tall man whose white polo is now stained with the coffee he was just holding earlier. His gaze keeps on going back and forth to his books and the man in front of him until he finally locked his eyes to him. The irritation is visible from the man’s face and Gun is sure that talking to the taller won’t be easy for him.

“Are you just going to stare?” Gun immediately bows his head.

“I am sorry,” said he with his hands a bit shaky because of the embarrassment he’s in right now.

“Your sorry won’t remove the stains” Gun knows it clearly so he didn’t bother to get his handkerchief hidden in his pocket. All he could do is to say sorry, nothing more, nothing less.

“What do you want me to do?” he bit the side of his cheeks. He can feel the eyes of the people starting to gather around them and he’s starting to hate it. “Just tell me what you want to do, Sir” he emphasized the word Sir hoping that the man could feel his sincerity if that’s the best word to describe what he’s feeling right now.

“Sir? What a weirdo” He heard how the man chuckle, which sounds so sarcastic for some reason. “You don’t know me?”

Gun’s head is still down; he would like to cover his face as of the moment but he’s afraid that it could make everything worse. Then he saw how the pair of black Gucci shoes disappeared in front of him and the next thing he saw was the man walking away from him. Students immediately disperse; the entertainment is now over and Gun’s left on the place confused.

“Are you ok?” a guy, almost the same height as the one he bumped to earlier, asked him. He’s wearing a light blue shirt and denim pants, his hair brushed up and he has a black earring on his left ear. Unlike the first man he met, this guy is a bit opposite; he’s smiling and was the first one to pick up Gun’s valuables on the ground.

Upon seeing this, Gun immediately picked up his books. Some parts are now wet and stained because of the coffee he had spilled earlier.

“I’m fine thank you,” he said to the man whose smile is still plastered on his face.

“I’m Oab” the taller offer his hand for a handshake.

“Gun” Gun smiled as he reached for Oab’s hand. “Oab, sorry for this question but do you know where’s the building of the College of Education?” Gun took the chance to ask since he’s a few minutes late for his first-class already.

“You’re an Educ student? You aren’t familiar with me. I’m from the college of Education too. Are you a transferee?” Gun nods shyly. He didn’t expect such a coincidence.

“Ok let’s go together, and oh that guy earlier, don’t mind him and as much as possible, avoid him,” Oab said as they walk together. “You shouldn’t involve yourself to him so be careful not to mess with him next time”

“Who is he? Seems like he’s popular” Gun can’t help but ask out of curiosity

_“Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn, remember his name, Gun”_


	3. Chapter 2

“Where were you earlier?”

Off just arrived at home—not actually home, but more like a villa. His dad’s an owner of a Bank company with hundreds of branches all around the country and it’s given that he won’t just be staying in a simple home; if this place could really be called home.

“No greetings, Sir?” Off said, sarcastically. He doesn’t like his old man but used to. Until they filed a divorce because of a reason he will never intend to accept—his parents fell out of love. But Off knows that isn’t the real reason why everything crumbled down. He knows what his parents have been hiding on their sleeves and Off hates the fact that he’s aware of it. While everyone is being fooled, he was suffering because of his parent’s failed marriage.

“Don’t try to be smart at me, Off. Just be straight to the point” His dad’s sitting on his sofa—more like a throne where he always sits—holding a newspaper which is obviously, just used as a prop so his dad could still look cool while talking to him. There’s no such person who will read a late issued newspaper this late evening.

Off just smirked and look at his dad, “Someone spilled his coffee on me so I had to forcefully leave the school to buy another set of clothes and shoes”, his dad folded the newspaper, walks towards him, and smack it to Off’s face.

“You threaten the guard! What makes you think that you could just leave school like that?” His old man is ranging because of anger but Off couldn’t care less. He’s used to it the and the thought that the school called his dad because of that made him laugh a little. It wasn’t a threat, to be honest. He just told the guard that he has a faux bomb and he’ll blow the whole place—who would have thought that the guard will believe his childish pranks? Even the little kids won’t believe that shit.

“I didn’t threaten him, he was just overreacting”, his answer did not satisfy his dad, and gave him another smack which left a cut on the side of his lips. He could taste rust because of the blood so he wiped it harshly which he felt pain.

“Act at your age, Off. You’ll be graduating soon and you’ll take over our company. You need good to have a good profile before I show you to the media. You said you wanted to go to that school, right? Then get your shit together!”, his dad is serious but Off doesn’t really like what he’s hearing from his dad.

No one knows that he’s his dad’s son. It’s a secret their family has been keeping for years because his dad wants some dramatic entrance once he takes over the company. Everyone is aware of the fact that his old man has a son but none of them is aware that it’s Off, and Off wants it to stay that way. He hates that he’s the son of a well-known philanthropist—his dad’s good with everyone except him, his only son. There are only a few people who know this; the school owner and president, the people taking care of their house, and his close friends, Arm, Tay, and the newest on their circle; New.

“You’ve been keeping me inside your closet for years. I want to stay hidden” he said as he takes his steps away from his dad.

“Where are you going, Off!” he could hear the screams of his dad telling him to get back but he never took even a single glance. He wants peace and he could only get that in a loud place with dashing lights where he could have fun for the whole night, club—no matter how ironic it is, that’s the only place where he could sound out his thoughts.

* * *

“What a cute tattoo you got on your lips, Off” Tay gave Off a smirk. It’s just one of their casual talks and teases. All of them know the reason why Off isn’t in a good mood for today and why he got that purple mark on the side of his lips. He might just be joking around but the truth is, he was always worried about his friend. They’ve been together since they’re wearing diapers and he’s aware of how shitty Off’s family background is. There are times he wonders what sin Off had done during his past life for him to deserve this.

Off just looked at him, fiercely. He doesn’t want to be reminded of what happened last night between him and his dad because it could only worsen the headache, he’s having right now because of the hard tonics both him and Arm had last night.

“You weren’t around last night, Tay. We had so much fun with booze” Arm tried to change the topic. He could feel that Off doesn’t like that Tay is making fun of him. Tay, on the other hand, is quietly thanking Arm though he couldn’t say it loudly.

“You should have at least called me,” Tay said as he pouts in front of his friends

“Why? So, you could say _‘sorry I’m with New’_ or _‘sorry New won’t allow me, enjoy’_ ” Off said, mocking his friend despite the pain he’s feeling because of his lips. Arm just laughs at both of them. He thought that Off’s day will be so bad but it seems like his friend is now better than last night.

Off never cried in front of them. Even when he told them that his parents filed a divorce when they’re still in junior high. It’s as if Off already expected that his parents will go on separate ways. Off was always private and there are things that he would prefer to keep on his own that to make other’s worry about him. Sometimes, Arm hates that Off is like that but he preferred to let him be because he knows that one of these days, Off will eventually be truer to them and to himself.

After a few more minutes of bickering and teasing each other, Off realized that there’s someone missing which is new to him since Tay couldn’t be seen without his boyfriend. They always come as pairs—no matter where they are, they’re always together.

“Where’s New?” Off finally asked

“Oh, he failed one minor subject before so he needs to take it from an open section” Tay answered and it’s obvious that he misses his man.

“Don’t tell me you’re sad? You always see him. Tell us, have you done sex?” Off’s words don’t have any filter like how bold he always was. Both him and Arm saw how Tay’s face turns to red and they couldn’t help but laugh with how he looks.

“You look so whipped, Tay” Arm added which made Tay flustered and shy

“You know what, fuck you two” Tay said, making them laugh harder.

* * *

“Hi! I’m Newwiee”

It’s late in the afternoon and this will be the last course Gun will be taking. Since he’s a transferee, he needs to take some courses from an open section where everyone could join and by that, it means that all of the students from the different departments could be his roommate. One of them is this guy in front of him—Newwiee

“Hello, I’m Gun” he said and then go back to the book he’s been reading since last night. It’s evident in his eyes that he wasn’t able to get enough sleep—he got dark circles under his eyes, and he looks sleepy but he just can’t sleep on a book. That’s one of his habits. He prefers to finish a book in one sitting rather than giving himself enough time to enjoy in dreamland.

“What are you reading?” New asked, disregarding the fact that Gun doesn’t want to keep the conversation going because he’s busy and he hates it when someone tries to disrupt his sessions with a book.

“They Both Die at the End” he answered hoping that the New will shut his mouth. But New isn’t inviting that thought.

New loves talking so much—he was branded as a social butterfly before, but he’s usually quiet whenever he’s with Tay and the others. They might be close but there are times when he can’t keep up with the typical Boy’s talk because he’s different from them. He never dated anyone and he never had someone who can calls him for a fuck so he couldn’t offer anything from the three. Now that he has finally got his freedom for a short time, we would like to make friends so he can talk to someone aside from his boyfriend’s circle of friends.

“Why do you like to read that book. That shouts for angst” New said, trying to keep the conversation going.

Gun finally looked at him for a second. New flashed his cute smile, not showing his teeth but Gun could tell that it’s something genuine. Aside from Oab and Alice (his seatmate in one of their major courses), there’s no one who tried talking to him in this school. He looked around the room first before he fixed his gaze back to New.

“Because that’s how life is. Everything shouts for angst and it’s up to you if you’ll cry during the process or be brave to reach the ending”

Gun’s life was never good and he’s a product of failed marriage. His parents don’t have enough money to do annulment so they suffer together inside a house he can never call home. Not until an incident happened which made everything worse. His dad accidentally killed someone and since they aren’t rich, his dad was imprisoned without proper process. He was labeled as the son of a murderer though he never did anything wrong.

His mom, on the other hand, told him that they’ll be coming to the city to escape the judgmental eyes of their neighborhood. At first, Gun was hesitant but then he realized that it would be better to escape so he could have peace of mind. He looked for different schools and submitted requests just so he could continue his studies. He was already losing hope because it was the middle of the semester and he’s just in the second year. No one would like to offer him a scholarship until he received an email from one of the schools, telling him someone offered to pay for his studies, and now, he’s here.

“Seems like you haven’t enjoyed life,” New said as he stares on the cover of the book Gun has been reading since he entered the room. It’s blue with a silhouette of two people whose shadows formed a figure of a reaper. He already guessed that the two will die based on the title and of course, based on the cover of the book itself.

“I never did” Gun answered without hesitation, “And I think, I never will”

Both of them looked at the room’s door. The professor finally arrived and so the students got back on their seats. Gun placed the book inside his bag and waited for their professor’s instructions. New is also back on his seat but he can’t focus because the new kid—Gun just got him interested and he would like to get closer to him. For some reason, he felt comfortable at the same time, curious, with Gun.

“Hey, Gun would you like to eat with me later?” he whispers but his voice is loud enough for Gun to hear who’s just sitting next to him.

“With whom?”

“Me, my boyfriend and his friends” New replied with his eyes fixed in front so he wouldn’t get caught by their professor.

“You have a boyfriend?” Gun gazed in awe because of what he heard from New. He never thought that people in the city could be so open-minded and bold.

“Yes. Tay and we’ll eat with Arm and Off. If you would like to join us, I’ll let you in. We always eat before we go home” New said cheerfully whilst trying his hard not to feel the butterflies in his tummy. Just the thought of his man could make him go crazy. But not for Gun—he could still remember the name that Oab told him yesterday.

“Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn, remember his name, Gun”

Gun isn’t sure if it’s the same person but he prefers not to try to check anymore. He still couldn’t forget the face of the man who gave him a petrifying look because he accidentally spilled his coffee and he doesn’t want to see him anymore. Aside from that, by just the looks of New, he looks like someone who isn’t like him who could skip a meal for a day because he wants to be thrifty and save extra money. 

“I don’t think I’ll go. I have tons of things to do” he said, humbly rejecting New’s offer.

* * *

New looks wearisome. He’s been staring at the bucket of chicken, satisfyingly placed at the center of their table and the three keep on looking at him, worried.

“Hin, what’s wrong?” Tay touched New’s cheeks as he carefully turns his man’s head to face him. “Is there anything that happened earlier?”

“Nothing, I just thought I could finally eat with someone new,” said he, still pouting. Tay doesn’t know what to say. This is the first time for him to see New like this, having tantrums.

“You don’t wanna eat with us anymore?” Arm asked him but he isn’t mad about it. He just wanted to know what New’s thinking right now. He’s been wondering how a social butterfly could stay with the three of them. They’re often boring and mostly talk about very random things. Maybe, New already had enough of them.

“Don’t get me wrong, I just want to make friends” new replied to his defense. He doesn’t want to offend the three. He just wanted to have someone with him aside from the three and he knows that all of them are aware of the fact that there are times he felt lonely, despite not being alone.

“Who is it?” Off asked which made the others look at him. “Who would you like to be close with, aside from us?” he added.

New’s a bit hesitant to tell Gun’s name but he really wants to be close with that short kid and he knows that Off could do something about it. Within a short period of time talking to Gun earlier, he easily gets attached to him because of the way he views things. He’s a bit philosophical, someone who looks innocent but is actually aware of lots of things. He would like to get close to someone whom he can learn things from a different perspective.

“Gun Attaphan Phunsawat. I want to be friends with him” he finally said the name of the boy who keeps on bugging him since earlier. “Can you do something?”

“No. I just asked” Off just gave New a smirk and continue eating.


	4. Chapter 3

It’s been almost two weeks since the start of the second semester and everything is still new for Gun. The days feel shorter in the city and most of the time, he found himself cramming just to finish the papers to be done and submitted to their professors. He’s still the same Gun Attaphan that he used to be; smart, others say that he’s good looking, kind and like the usual Gun that his friend, Mook, describes him—quiet and introverted.

He rarely talks with his roommates and always has a new book on his hand which he borrows from the library, three buildings ahead of their building. If it wasn’t for Alice and Oab, he’ll surely be branded as The New Geek Kid in the College of Education department, next to Fiat. Newwiee is also trying his best to be close to Gun although they only have one class together, he’s now being more comfortable with the guy and his words with him now turn into sentences; much longer than before.

“So, what’s the plan?” Oab said, Gun just sighed

They’re currently having their short meeting; Oab, Alice, and him, for the performance task they need to perform tomorrow. It’s been three days and their professor gave those days for them to prepare but since there are seven courses that they need to take every day, it became impossible for them to work on it. They’ve been stressing out since last night while working on with the lesson plan they need to submit to one of their professors. Everything is packed although it was just a few days since the semester started and Gun is seriously having a hard time catching up.

“I hate P.E class the most” Gun is frustrated. He was never good in any physical activities be it as playing any sports or dancing. He never gets the choreography right. He remembered one time when he was still in high school, their teacher scolded him because he keeps on dancing the wrong steps. His classmates hated him at that time because whenever someone is caught wrong, they’ll be repeating the song from the very beginning and until everyone got it perfect.

“No one loves it” Alice agreed to Gun. Although Alice had been into different contests related to P.E such as badminton and folk dances, she never grew fond of it. She hates how she gets sticky when she plays because of the sweat produced by her body. She always wanted to look fresh and classy and P.E class always ruins that happiness of hers.

“I second that” Of course, Oab doesn’t like it as well. He never did. Aside from going back in forth to different computer shops that surround their University, Oab doesn’t have any interest anymore. It was actually a miracle that he agreed to his parents to take education though he wasn’t actually enamored of kids, he thought that maybe it’s also a good risk to try since he doesn’t have any siblings to play with—he’s the only child.

“This won’t do us any good. Why do we have to be grouped with each other?” Gun’s knitting his eyebrows. He isn’t mad that he’s grouped with the two, he was actually thankful because out of all of his block mates, Alice and Oab is the closest to him. But he can’t stop thinking that it would have been better to work with others because all of them don’t know what to do.

“I know right. I was happy at first since Gun is a smart ass. I didn’t know that he could be also stupid at some point” Alice said with a smile on her face trying to make the atmosphere more bearable for them. They’ve been sitting in the same place for almost an hour. They have three hours vacant and they thought it was already enough for them to think of the dance steps and practice but it turns out it’s not enough at all and she’s silently asking for an extension though she knows that it’ll be impossible.

“Why don’t we ask New”

Oab’s face lightens up with the thought. New is one of the members of the dance and cheerleading troupe in their school. He’s aware that Gun is getting along with the guy since he’s been telling stories about how blathering New is to Gun. New is a bit popular in the university because of his beautiful face. He’s also rumored to be Tay’s boyfriend, making him more known in the school. Imagine, two hot and well-known boys are dating, it’ll surely make things crazy. They were once talk of the town because of that.

Both him and Alice looked at Gun with a silly smile. At that moment, Gun already know what would be the next request of the two to him and he doesn’t like the idea.

“I won’t ask him any favor”

“Come on Gun! This is the best time for you to use your connections. We’ll treat him afterward” Alice held and sways his arm whilst pouting, trying to convince Gun.

“I won’t” Gun replied, firmly as he tries to pull his arm from Alice but he felt Oab pulling his other arm doing the same thing with Alice.

“What the hell is happening?” Gun immediately turn his gaze and found Newwiee walking towards them. His bag hanging on his shoulders as he walks with class. Some students follow him with their eyes, as he took the seat next to Gun with a smile on his face.

“Oh My God! New’s sitting next to us!” Alice hysterically let go of Gun’s arm as she intently stares at the person in front of her as if she’s looking in some luxurious piece of jewelry. “This is awesome”

Oab on the other hand didn’t let go of Gun’s arm but instead, held him tightly. Gun felt irritated because Oab’s too close to him so he forcefully pulls his arms until Oab eventually let go. “You’re such a kid Oab. Is this your first time seeing someone handsome as he is?” Gun whispers to his ears making Oab felt the tingling sensation caused by Gun’s breathe.

“It’s the first time for me to see him this close but no, he’s not that handsome. You look much better” he whispered back at Gun, trying to tease him but his eyes aren’t leaving New’s face.

“Ehem, Hi Gun!” New cleared his throat, waving his hand and smiling brightly at Gun.

“Why are you here?” Gun asked, “You don’t have any class? Where’s your boyfriend?” he added making Alice and Oab’s eyes bigger because of shock.

“Oh, we have a short break. Tay and the others are at the canteen. I said I’ll look for you to ask something about our Communication class”

“So, it’s true? You’re dating Tay?” Oab asked as if he’s interviewing a celebrity, his eyes observing New’s face whilst waiting for his reaction and answer.

“Ugh, Yes?” New answered with an awkward smile. He’s a bit confused that there are still people who are confused about the real score between him and Tay when they’ve been into multiple dates already whilst everyone is watching. He can’t help but wonder if they aren’t that intimate or sweet when they’re together.

“When? How? I mean for how long?” Alice is invested to know more about Tay and New. She’s been thinking of lots of questions to be asked to New but Gun won’t let her anymore. Gun felt how uneasy New became based on the man’s facial expression. Gun looked at Alice, giving her a ferocious stare and it’s enough for Alice to get what Gun wanted to tell.

“Sorry,” she said, bowing her head and full of regrets.

“No, it’s fine. I’m used to it. What’s your name?” New smiled at her, making Alice feel a lot better than earlier.

“I’m Alice and he’s Oab. As you know, he’s Gun” New nods as he turns to face Gun who’s now looking at him

“Nice meeting you all. I think I’ve heard my name being mentioned earlier”

“Oh! it was because we would like to ask you a favor if you’ll allow us. We’re desperate right now” Oab knows that Gun won’t be asking New because he was already firm with his decision earlier. But now that New is in front of them, talking and all, he would like to take the opportunity despite knowing the person just a few minutes ago.

“Oh really? How may I help you?” New said, very much willing to listen.

“Can you teach us? Just a few steps for any type of dance. We don’t know where to start and we need to perform it tomorrow morning. We’ll be doomed if we won’t be able to present any. You see, we can’t actually dance and we’ve been wasting our time planning without an action” Alice continued. Facing New with puppy eyes trying to impress the guy in front of him.

“Sure, should we start now? I have a few more minutes before my next class. Let’s plan together” New said which brightens the face of the three.

* * *

Off, Tay and Arm are sitting in a round table at the corner of the place with their buckets of beers and bottles of vodka unpleasantly placed at the center. Their table looks messier than the usual and it’s already given since they’ve been staying in their place, sitting leisurely while watching how people gone wild on the dance floor. Ladies wearing revealing clothes, showing parts of their tanned skins; keep on staring on them but Arm is the only one who keeps on hitting them.

“It’s been a while since the last time I visit,” Tay said, almost shouting. The music is loud and it’s getting louder the longer they stay. His boyfriend isn’t around because he needs to run some errands.

“Yeah, feels good right?” Arm responded whilst his eyes keep on following the different girls passing by. He’s been thinking since earlier if he should have another round tonight since There are lots of girls he could choose on. There will always be girls who are willing to be with him.

“Right. We should have done this by the weekends so wouldn’t have any problems if we got too much drink. We’ll go crazy for tomorrow because of headache” Tay take a glance on his phone checking if New sent him some message but he got nothing. “New’s isn’t texting me” he said, frustrated and worried

“Let him enjoy for a while. Let’s have some fun tonight” said Off as he takes a shot of vodka, burning his throat. He’s getting tired of Tay because he’s been on his phone since earlier, he would like him to get some fun.

“Hey Off, look at her. I’ll give you ten thousand if you can get her number” Off followed Arm’s hand pointing the girl next to their seat. She’s wearing a red steamy dress, her black long hair covering her bareback and the moment the girl turns her gaze to Off, he already knows what he should do.

“Give me thirty and I’ll pin her tonight”

“What? That’s a lot. Do you need money?” Tay asked, still amused on the way Off looked at the girl. His eyes shout lust; he stares whilst biting his lips, his brows arching looking boastful but charismatic, making him look more alluring and hotter to the eyes of the people around them.

“One of my cards got canceled by my old man”

“Ok deal. Fifteen from me and fifteen from Tay. Show us proofs” Arm said without asking Tay. He’s closed to laughing when he saw how Tay reacted. “Tay, we’re all in this together” Tay doesn’t have any time to complain because Off is already on his way to get the girl.

“Damn you Arm, you know he’ll win this”

“He needs money. Let the kid enjoy” Arm said, reaching for his next bottle of beer.

* * *

After booking a room in a hotel a few blocks from the bar Off is now intently staring at the girl laid down in front of him. He couldn’t even remember her name anymore but he doesn’t have any intention to ask her again. After all, he just wanted to enjoy and satisfy himself. He’s tipsy because of the drinks he had earlier and he knows that he only has a short time before the spirit of tonics completely succumbed to his senses.

Off starts to plant kisses on the girl’s neck, leaving trails of purple marks as he sucks her skin but he wants more so he wasted no time. He told the girl to remove all of her clothes, authoritatively for he’s determined to end it as early as he can.

He can feel his member aching, asking for more. His hands are fast doing dirty inserting fingers on her sensitive part making her cry and moan at the same time. Off isn’t new to this; he knows where and when to touch. He skillfully played with her every part, making her go crazy because of the pleasure Off’s giving her.

Off is a big deal which she didn’t expect at all. She hesitated for a while after seeing his length but Off isn’t someone who likes to back out. Once he started, there’s no turning back. Without giving a warning, Off held his member and forcefully gets inside her. Lewd screams and the sound of slamming skins echoed inside the whole room. The feeling was ecstatic for the both of them; the girl snaked her arms on Off’s nape, initiating a kiss which eventually turns into a heated battle of tongues—something that fuels the fire they’re feeling right now—their tongues fought for authority until Off won, leaving the girl breathless. Off keeps on thrusting, strong and harsh. Tonic’s now kicking on his system and he’s now rougher than earlier leaving the both of them to gasp for air. Few more thrusts and they’ve reached the climax, both of them satisfied with what they did; their breathless lungs asking for more air.

“We’re done, I’ll better leave soon”

“That soon? Can I at least have your number?” the girl wrapped her hands around his arm. It’s obvious that she would like to get more from Off. Her hair’s messy, lips swollen because of action they’ve done together yet her eyes sparkles the more he looks at Off—but Off feel different now. Surely, he was allured by the girl earlier; given that she has the body, the face, and the skills, but now that he’s done with her, he doesn’t care anymore.

“Sorry. I don’t give my number to strangers” he said, with his head full of thoughts, thinking how he’ll be able to drive his car, waiting for him outside

* * *

Gun, with Alice and Oab, had been dancing the same steps that New had taught them since earlier. It was just an easy choreography but he still can’t get it so he decided to practice on his own not minding the time. The others already went home since it’s already late. It’s just a good thing that the school’s still open until 10:00 pm since there are still classes until 9:30 pm. Those classes are usually taken by the working students or those who are taking masters and doctorate degrees.

There were only a few students but Gun still decided to look for a place where he could be alone. He doesn’t want to be the center of attraction because he’s been messing up the steps over and over again. He found a place, somewhere in the backyard of the school where there’s a big Acacia tree. The place isn’t abandoned but it seems like there’s no one aware of the place since there’s a fence-like door covering its entrance. He just got too curious and went inside and found the best place to laugh on his own mistakes. He’s tired and exhausted but the place is calm, soulful, and quiet; it reminds him of the park where he usually stays at night when he had too much toxic on his system because of his problems.

He stared at the sky. The moon peeks on the clouds which illuminate the whole place as he saw the stars sparkles like glitters which added to the beauty of the dark night sky. It’s his first time staring this long at the sky again since he left their province. He never thought that there could be a place like this given the fact that the City is noisy, busy, and wild—he thought that this couldn’t be real but he’s here, watching intently with the eloquent and soothing melody coming from his old phone while leaves fall down on the tree branches.

Few more minutes, he continued on dancing hoping that he wouldn’t commit any mistake anymore, hoping that he’ll do better than he did earlier. Gun moves his hand softly following the steps still clear and vivid on his head as he let the sound of the violin and organ subsume him. He’s still careful, his feet on the move, left and right, up and down which fits the tune of the music they’ve chosen with his group members earlier. For the first time, he felt that he’s one with the music as his body moves gracefully along with it.

He was enjoying the serenity when he heard how the fence-door opened. He was caught off guard; sudden chills consumed his whole being because he knows that the place could be restricted. He would like to hide but there’s no way he could find somewhere to hide; seeing how a silhouette of a tall man approaches him made him scared to death whilst thinking if he's just imagining things. He couldn’t view him clearly because the place’s a bit dark and the dim light from the post couldn’t help. Until he saw the man fell on his knees—Gun couldn’t move, he froze and he felt like his feet were glued on the ground but then the moon peeks once again; it’s light lit up the whole place, revealing the face of the man. It’s him—the guy he saw a few days ago during his first day, the one who made him feel embarrassed every time he's walking near the Engineering building—Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn.

Lots of questions start to rush in his head; what is Off doing in this place? Why at this late night? And why out of all the people he’ll be able to meet, it’s him? But despite that, he found himself getting close to the man, still on his knees, looks like begging. He heard soft sobs from him as if he’s been through a lot of pain, seeking for someone’s help.

Gun could tell that he’s wasted. He can smell the mixed scent of cigarette smoke and strong alcohol from Off. He’s contemplating if he’ll help him or not; he could just leave and act as if nothing happened. After all, the school is about to close and the guards will be doing their rounds. It’ll be fine to abandon him since he’ll soon be found by the guards.

Gun moved fast and gather all his things with the thought that he could just do the latter, but when he’s about to leave the place, Off was able to hold his hands and said the words that left him muddled.

_“Please… please don’t leave me alone”_


	5. Chapter 4

Off wasn’t able to attend his first class and now, he’s also running late for the second. He’s feeling all dizzy for he wasn’t able to take his breakfast and because he had too much drink last night. He only had a bottle of water he got from the nearest convenience store but it wasn’t able to help him that much.he can still how his system is being intoxicated by tons he had just a few hours ago making him close or squint his eyes in every step he takes

When he arrived in their room, he immediately found his friends; Arm is standing in front of Tay and New, Tay holding his wallet counting paper bills whilst his boyfriend, New is just looking on his hand as Tay’s fingers run through his money. Off walks toward his seat and immediately laid his head on the desk. He’s having a severe hangover and he feels like that anytime, he’ll collapse. He’s just lucky that their professor isn’t inside the room yet, or else, he’ll be the center of attention for being scolded by their teacher. it isn't something he would like to experience given that he didn't even start his day with a good one

“Seems like someone had a very long night. Off, you’re two hours late. Care to tell us what happened? Why is your car parked at the parking area but you were nowhere to be found?” Tay tried to hit him but Arm stopped Tay, making his friend knit his eyebrows.

It was actually a mystery for the three of them because it was very unusual for Off to arrive at school before them but just when Tay’s parking his car, he saw Off’s so he thought his friend came earlier than him. He was all ready to ask about what happened between him and the girl he hooked up last night but it turns out that Off isn’t anywhere in the school. They tried to check on his car, peeking on its tinted windows, checking is there's figure hiding inside but no, Off isn't there.

“Where were you Off? It’s the first time for you to be this late” Arm took the seat next to Off, trying to start a conversation but Off isn’t inviting it. His head’s still down and he’s secretly hoping that their professor will eventually come just so his friends will stop asking him. He can't even think of the best way to answer their question which he knows, will eventually turn into series.

“Look at you not talking to us when your father kept on ringing us last night just to ask where you are. Do you have any idea how many times he called us?” Arm stated as he crossed his arms, still staring at Off who doesn’t even budge. "I almost throw my phone just so I can be at peace last night"

Off’s listening to them but he prefers that his head is down. He would like to laugh with what Arm said. He couldn’t imagine how his dad looked. His dad never called him but he called his friends—he can’t help wonder why, maybe he would like to sound like a very caring father to his only son or maybe, just so he could establish another good father figure to others. He smiled, bitterly. Off doesn’t want to think too much about it since it will just add to the headache he’s having right now.

“You should have just left us a message so we can tell where you are. We’re worried about you” New finally talked. He’s like the mediator and the one who thinks rationally the most. He steps up whenever someone is acting strange or bad within their circle. “If you hate your father, then at least think about us” he added, finally making Off lift his head.

“I don’t actually know what happened but I got lost,” Off said, facing his friends, eyes closed still whilst massaging his head, trying to lessen his dizziness. He fixed his posture and leaned on his chair as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“What do you mean you got lost? Didn’t you just have sex with a beautiful stranger?” Tay’s now speaking sarcastically as he gave his pile of bluebills to Arm. He might be mad at Off but a deal is a deal and he doesn’t want to be indebted, especially if it’s Off. He knows what kind of buddy Off is and he’ll regret it once his friend starts of reminding him of his debt whenever they’ll see each other especially if they’re having fun and such. He’ll be guilty and it won’t be good for him to feel that way.

Off tilted his head, opening his eyes slowly. The sun rays coming from the clear window of their room blinds him which Arm easily noticed so he used his whole body to cover Off. “I left my car and I got lost. That’s it so, please? Just give me my money?” Off threw his phone to Tay with his and the girl’s picture, serving as proof that he was really able to hit her. They've already expected it but Tay was still hoping that there could be some sort of miracle last night which stopped Off from getting the girl. He sighed as he stared on Off's phone screen.

“Lucky bastard” Arm said, giving him the bills, regretting how he agreed with his best friend last night. Fifteen thousand isn’t a small amount. He needs to work for his dad for two days just so he could get another fifteen and those two days will definitely feel like hell

“I told you that was a big mistake” Tay hit him with his elbow, throwing a blazing gaze at him as he gave back Off’s phone to him. Tay needs to save his remaining money just so he could still have a good and classy date with his boyfriend and he still needs to wait for another week to get his allowance. Although they’re all living with a luxurious life, they are still students and their parents don’t want them to be like a living spoiled brat who does nothing but to waste money.

“You shouldn’t have dared me” Off gave them a mocking smirk “You’ve known me since we’re kids, you should have known that it’ll be easy for me”

“I know and I told it to Arm but guess what he said? Let the kid enjoy as if he’s your proud father” Tay gritted his teeth, raising his hands while Arm and Tay just laugh at him.

“But Off, where is her number? That is also included in our bet” There was a sudden moment of silence between them and the next thing they see is Off looking at them, scratching his temple.

“Oh, seems like someone forgot about that. I’m happy you remembered it Arm” Tay’s mood suddenly changed. He stretched his hand to Off “Dude, that’s less than ten thousand”

Off sighed, taking out his wallet and giving his friends’ money back. Tay jumped because of glee as if he won a million, counting the pile over and over again, checking if he got his ten thousand back correctly.

“I know you’ll forget about that, but at least you had a good night, right?” Arm teasingly snapped his fingers at Off, making the latter roll his eyes.

“I should have asked for her number” Off whispers to himself.

* * *

_Off felt the warm rays on his skin. His whole body sore and his head aching because of his hangover. He stays laying on his back but his eyes are still closed, trying to familiarize his bed, touching its edges but it feels different to him. He can’t feel the soft foam of his bed which he personally bought, he can’t feel his blanket that he got somewhere in Canada when Arm and Tay decided to have an out of the country vacation and his pillow, which his Nana gave him. Everything is unfamiliar to him, even the scent of his room filled with manly scent cannot be smelt by him._

_He took a seat and roam his eyes around the room. There’s a small crack on the glass window, the walls’ paint almost faded and the room’s door made out of wood which looks old enough to be called a door. He suddenly felt chills all over his body. The room looks like some abandoned room straight from a horror book Tay loves to read._

_He tries to remember what happened last night hoping that no one tried to kidnap him whilst in his drunk state but no matter how he tries to remember, he just can’t as if there’s something blocking him to remember what happened right after he left the hotel. He’s wearing a different set of clothes which disgusts him_

_“Where the fuck am I?” he said, still sitting on the bed made of wood which creates a weird sound whenever he moves._

_Off heard how the old door creak, revealing a man wearing a towel on the lower half part of his body. His hair still dripping wet and it’s obvious that he just had a shower. Off face-palmed seeing the view “What the hell? did I just hit another one unconsciously?” he whispers, his brows knitting because of frustration when the man suddenly turns around facing him._

_“Oh! you’re awake” There was no expression shown on his face “You better move. The class is about to start”_

_“Wait, who are you?” Off replied with confusion “Why am I here?”_

_“I’m Gun Attaphan” Gun stared at him blankly, trying to get hold of himself although he would like to throw his hands to the man sitting on his bed. He wasn’t able to get enough sleep last night because of him and he is somewhat regretting it now. He can tell that Off thinks that he’s some kind of psycho based on how he stared at him. Despite that, he tries to remain calm and walk towards his closet, taking out a checkered shirt he got from a thrift shop near their house and his denim pants he bought for a hundred pesos a few days ago._

_“I don’t know who you are but I know that we’re studying in the same university because I’ve seen you once. Now if you won’t move and fix yourself, I’ll leave first” He said, as he wears his shirt and pants carefully so his towel won’t fall. “You may get your clothes outside. I’ve already washed them"_

_“Wait, are you seriously going to act as if nothing happened?” Off would like to tear his hair off. He’s good when it comes to drinking and he hates people who act as if they couldn’t remember what they did the next morning after enjoying alcohol. He thought that those were just excuses given to run from responsibilities but now that he couldn’t remember, he felt guilty for thinking negatively about them._

_“Nothing happened. I’ll be leaving now” Gun get his bag and hang it on his shoulder. He slipped on his dirty white shoes and looked at Off for the last time. “Just close the door if you’ll be leaving the house. If something gets lost, I’ll report you to the Police”_

* * *

During their break, Off starts looking for a boy named Gun. All throughout his classes, he couldn’t forget that short boy who left him earlier this morning. His feet were sore because he didn’t know his car was left at school making him walk for minutes looking for a taxi hence, he was late for two hours. He won’t be surprised if his dad will call him, shouting on the other line, because of what happened today.

Their school is big and it’s too late for Off to realize that. He’s been studying here for almost five years but there are only a few places that he’s familiar off; their building, the canteen, and the backyard, and he can’t help but wonder what he’s been doing all these years inside their campus for him not to know the names of the different buildings.

“I hate this”

Off doesn’t like roaming around the school and his friends know that for a fact but the moment he asked them if they know a boy named Gun Attaphan, New suddenly gave him a teasing smile asking what he would like to do with the guy. He suddenly remembered that friend New was talking about. He didn’t care too much about how New tried to tell stories about for he doesn’t want to be involved in some stranger. Off tried to ask for New’s but since he couldn’t explain what’s his business with the boy, New left him with words ‘find him yourself’

He tried to check the different buildings, peeking in different rooms whilst the classes are still ongoing making it harder to find the man he was looking for. He doesn’t know his schedule and he doesn’t even know his course—basically, Gun is a complete stranger whom he just saw this morning while changing his clothes and preparing for school.

The sun is scorching hot for it’s late in the afternoon and he couldn’t accept the fact that while his friends are enjoying their lunch, he’s roaming around the school, looking for someone.

“I hope y’all choke,” he said, stomping his feet as he enters the building of the Architecture department.

* * *

“Oh My God! I thought we’re going to fail that performance” Alice’s skipping while walking next to Oab and Gun. Their P.E class just ended and they were able to get the second highest point—something they didn’t expect at all.

“It was all thanks to me, right?” Oab stopped walking and stood up in front of Gun and Alice, posting with his hands on his waist. His shirt almost drenched with sweat and his face showing how tired he is but it couldn’t lessen his charisma. Oab still looks handsome and cool despite his sweat dripping on his face.

“It wasn’t because of you, it’s because of New” Gun threw his extra face towel to Oab. He’s been carrying it since earlier because of the thought that he might be needing it since they’ll be dancing but since it was just as short presentation, he didn’t move too much and wasn’t able to use it but at least, Oab will benefit from it.

“We should ask Newwiee for dinner. He was a great help” Alice suggests remembering what they offered New yesterday. “It was a promise after all”. Both Gun and Oab nod, agreeing to what Alice said.

“Where should we eat?” Alice froze when she felt New’s presence next to her, making Gun and Oab smile in unison seeing her reaction. It’s weird but still fascinating how New could make her shut her mouth in an instant.

“You always come during the times we least expecting,” Gun said, his smile not leaving his face. New’s happy that he’ll slowly be getting Gun’s sweet spots. He often sees him smiling and there are times when the shorter is the one initiating the conversation during their communication class.

“That’s what makes me special, maybe also the reason why Tay likes me?” New moves his eyebrows whilst joking waiting for the best reactions he’ll get from the three but he only their smiles fading “Why? It’s true!” he attests

“Ok, if you said so, now where do you want to eat?” Oab asked with his hands still on his waist.

“Anywhere will do” New face Gun, remembering something “Can I excuse Gun for a while?” he then dragged Gun away from his friends without waiting for their response. Gun followed him, confused because of the sudden change of his reaction but he didn’t dare to ask New until they stopped walking.

New looked at him directly with questioning eyes. He can’t forget Off’s frustrated face earlier whilst asking about Gun and it keeps on bothering him. He knows that Off won’t tell him anything despite them being close so he’s not resorting to Gun, although there’s just a small chance of him opening up.

“Off’s looking for you. You know, Off Jumpol?” New saw how Gun’s eyes widen and he knew that very moment that there something happened between the two “Can you tell me what happened? He looked frustrated earlier and keep on asking me where you are. He didn’t attend our late afternoon class. He was probably looking for you since earlier”

Gun froze. He never thought that the Off will look for him after what happened earlier. He doesn’t want to see him because it just reminds him of the way he looks at him—it’s as if he did a crime bringing him at his home when he’s all drunk last night. He hates it because it reminds him of the way their neighbors look at him when he’s walking alone at night, crying after his father was arrested by the police and his mother left him to have some drink with another man just so she could forget about what happened to her husband.

“Nothing happened” 

“But Gun he wa—“

“New, nothing happened” Gun cut him off and walk his way back to Alice and Oab, leaving New standing alone.

* * *

Gun decided not to eat with Oab, Alice, and New. He wasn’t in a good mood since New told him that Off’s been looking for him. Just by thinking about his name made him feel like his blood boiling.

After visiting the library and borrowing another book, he found himself going back to the school’s backyard which he found last night. It’s already past seven and most of the students are already on their way home, excited, and happy because the day is almost done. But that excitement isn’t something Gun feels whenever he’s thinking about home—it isn’t something that makes him happy.

His mom rarely comes home and he doesn’t want to bother asking her where she had been. She was always like that, even before when they’re still living in their province. They’re always the talk of the town because of their shitty family relationship. They never had a good meal together and until now, Gun cannot help but ponder why he never experienced being happy whilst thinking about them. There were times he envied Mook because although her mom already passed away, she knows how it feels like to be loved by a mother unlike him. His mom may still be breathing but it feels like she isn’t existing in his life,

He turns the pages of his book whilst facing the dim light coming from the post so he could see what he’s reading. It’s a new book he just borrowed earlier but he was already able to read the first few pages of it. The truth is, he doesn’t want to read this book because it’s something out of his genre—Sophie’s World is something philosophical and out of this world but he would like to know what he’ll be able to get from the book and the first question which catch his attention is who are you. As much as we would like to answer it, he couldn’t find the best words to describe himself, especially since the book isn’t talking about his physical appearance or the things, he was able to achieve in school. It’s something deeper than that, something even himself, with high grades, cannot answer.

“What the fuck! Why are you here?”

The book Gun’s holding fell on his lap as he heard a familiar voice. It’s the same guy he’s been thinking since earlier, the guy he would like to hit multiple times for his degrading and discriminating stares.

“You! Gun Attaphan, what the hell are you doing in this place?” Off walks towards him and the next thing Gun saw is Off holding his hands firm and tight. It was painful making him twitch a little.

“Let go of me” Gun pulled his hand vigorously. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he said throwing a sharp gaze at Off who’s now looking mad. The hate he had for the man now turns into anger and he could feel his body tensed up.

“How did you find this place? I’ve been looking for you since earlier and now it makes sense why I wasn’t able to find you no matter how hard I try” Off’s gritting his teeth. It’s the first time for him to see Gun since he was left at their home. He’s agitated and tired for what happened last night is still a mystery for him and he hates it. He hates that someone is making him feel these things when there are already lots of things running on his head.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re up to. I’m not sure why you’re looking for me when I kept you safe last night, with your sick all over you. Don’t you remember how wasted you are last night? Puking all over my room, don’t you feel ashamed of what you did? I carried you from school to home because you were so drunk, you can't walk anymore! After all the troubles you’ve given me last night, the only thing that I’ve got from you is a mocking stare as if I did you something wrong!”

Gun’s running after his breathe after telling those words, shouting as if he’s about to lose himself when they’re just a few inches away from each other. Off appalled from what he heard from Gun who’s looking so exasperated at him. Gun won't be able how hard it was for him to sleep on the floor while Off's sleeping on his bed, how he cleaned the floor full of sick, and how he washed his clothes just so he could wear something clean for the next day. All of this just because Off asked him not to leave him. He hates that he was able to fell for his drunk state when he's an actual jerk after getting back to his senses

“What? Now you can’t talk? You bit your tongue you fucker!”

Off doesn’t know what to say. Earlier, he was so angry after looking for this man in front of him but seeing him all mad because of what he did (which he still couldn’t remember), he can’t do anything but to stare at him.

Off fixed his posture. He doesn’t want to be overpowered by someone who’s shorter than him. Despite the things he heard from Gun, he still has his pride and it’s the only thing that keeps him living, aside from his bar sessions, of course.

“So, we didn’t have sex?” It was the question Off has been asking himself since earlier. It’s not that he isn’t fine being in bed with a guy, but he can’t help wonder how the bed made out of wood was able to handle them and he doesn’t want to imagine being rough while on top of that.

Gun awed in disgust hearing what Off said to him. He didn’t expect that the guy could be worse like this. He thought that he’ll be able to comprehend that things his telling him and could finally talk with him in a sensible manner but those words from him make him lose all the hope he has only leaving loathing. He sighed heavily, trying to calm himself and he counts one to three before talking.

“You know what, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. But please, the next time you’ll initiate a kiss, make sure you’re sober” Gun took his things and walk fast leaving the place, thinking how Off tried to kiss him before losing his consciousness last night

"such a jerk" Gun said whilst stomping his feet because of the event he just remembered.


	6. Chapter 5

_“I told you to fucking stop drinking! You never listened to me!” Gun heard his mom shouting from their living area followed by loud thud sounds. He woke up because of murmurs he’s been hearing earlier until it became louder—now he would like to sleep again just so he couldn’t hear anything._

_“You don’t care about us, What about your child? Won’t you ever change” He can hear the madness of his mom making him crouch on his bed, covering his ears whilst he closed his eyes forcefully trying to stop himself from crying. “Don’t you care about, Gun?”_

_“What about you, have you ever asked yourself if you cared for us? You rarely go home and whenever you do, we always fight” Gun’s dad finally spoke up. It wasn’t loud enough but since his senses are more active because of his feelings, Gun can clearly hear him “I thought you’ll change once we get married. I tried my best to be the greatest husband you’ll ever have but I was never enough for you”_

_There was complete silence and suddenly, Gun cannot hear anything outside his room anymore. It was always like this and it’s not new to him hearing his parents fighting over things he never understood. There was never a day that his parents won’t shout at each other, spitting harsh words and hurtful glares, his mom throwing hands or punches to his dad but he never did try to fight back at his wife. Gun was always curious behind the reason but he couldn’t muster up his braveness to ask his parents. He just woke up one day and the relationship between his parents started to change._

_Gun removed his blanket that he covered around his body. He instantly felt the heavy atmosphere as his feet touched the cold floor of his small room. His legs were unstable but he managed to walk towards the door and turned the knob with his shaky hand, revealing his dad crying his heart out whilst hugging his knees on the floor. He froze for a moment because of the view he’s seeing. He would like to run towards his dad and hug him but he can’t —he was just there, standing and confused as he saw his mom brushing her fingers through her hair as if she would like to rip her head off._

_“Gun” he got back to his senses when he heard his mom calling his name, now in front of him while shaking his shoulders “Go back to your room” There was an authority in her voice, no sign of guilt or anything and Gun was sure that she’s not facing him to calm or comfort him. Her mad stares made him felt like he’s unwanted—they’re cold just like the breeze signaling that Christmas is fast approaching._

_Instead of going back to his room like what his mom told him to do so, Gun ran outside as fast as he could. He can hear his mom calling his name, it was vague so he didn’t care. He closed his eyes with a hope that his cold feet could bring him somewhere he could feel safe—he doesn’t even care wearing his slippers but he can’t feel the sharp rocks creating small cuts on his bare feet._

_“I hate you!” he shouted as his warm tears finally fell on his cheeks “both of you”_

* * *

Gun felt his stomach aching as he moves his body after lying on his back after a few hours of sleep. He stares blankly on his window, feeling the warm beam of the sun burning his skin. The crack on the glass is starting to get bigger, something which makes Gun think on how he’ll be able to talk about it with their landlady without her taking too much of his time.

“What a nightmare”

He squints his eyes, his hands reaching for his phone to check the time. It’s weekend and supposedly, he should be thinking on how he’s going to take his leisure time and enjoy—Saturdays and Sundays are the best days to chill and go out with friends, watching newly released movies whilst holding popcorns on their hands or maybe, play whole day in an arcade shop and bring home stuffed toys won from a claw machine. But those kinds of activities only apply to people living their lives to the fullest, not for Gun. He needs to prepare for the part-time job he got three weeks ago after he got into a nonsense fight with Off.

It’s already past 7:00 am and he needs to be at the shop before 9:00 am or else he’ll be reprimanded by his boss—though the lady isn’t often mad and is actually kind and lovely, when it comes to business, she’s always hands-on and she never leaves the counter just so she’ll be the first one to face the shop’s client. It was something that Gun always admire her; she smiles the brightest and Gun couldn’t think where she could get those vibrant smiles of hers.

Gun shook his thoughts off and went out of his room. As expected, he wasn’t able to see his mom but at least when he reached the kitchen, there’s something on the table that he could eat. He wasn’t able to eat last time because he finished an activity to be submitted before midnight. He hates that this particular professor who would tell them to submit papers around 11:59 pm for the sake of his other classmates who rarely listen to his discussion about how the technology works in an educational environment. He’s easily swayed by his classmates and isn’t firm to his decisions which reminds him so much of his dad.

Gun scroll on his phone, checking the news on the internet whilst cutting the egg removing its yolk. He doesn’t like the taste so he often left it on the side of his plate and waits for his mom to reprimand him for wasting food. He tried so hard to like it but he just can’t and he thinks he never will.

While reading random articles he received a notification indicating that New messaged him. It’s been weeks since they’ve been talking casually as friends, but he couldn’t say that they’re too close for him to tell stories about his life when he can’t even tell some to Alice and Oab. But at least, they were able to hang out sometimes and listen to his complaints about his boyfriend and his friends. His stories aren’t useful to him, but he enjoys New’s company especially when his mind is occupied with lots of things. New’s a great help to redirect his thoughts.

He’s about to open New’s message when his name flashed on the screen. New’s calling and it didn’t take him a second to answer the call

“Hey Gun, I’m wondering if you’re free today? Maybe you can come with me to run some errands?” He can hear New’s soft prayers on the other line and he can’t help but smile with the thought that he’s praying for him to agree.

“I’m sorry Newwiee but I have something to do for today” although Gun’s guilty of rejecting his friend, he can’t come with him because he’s about to leave for work “Maybe you can go ask Oab or Alice?”

“They aren’t available” New sighed with the response he got from Gun “Even Tay isn’t available right now because he’s having a one-day vacation with his family, Arm is working for their business and Off,” New paused for a moment, “I don’t think Off will be able to come with me” Off never came into his mind not until this moment, probably because the latter never come with him alone in any particular event or maybe because he knows that Off is a bit grumpy and it’ll be hard for him to get out of his bed. He’s the last person New could think of coming with him in a pet shop and wait for about an hour or two just for a dog to finish grooming.

As much as Gun would like to help New, he couldn’t. He moved his phone away from his ears to check time for the second time whilst New’s still on the other line. “Newwiee, I’ll try to help you some other time but not today” Gun stood up and place his plate on the kitchen sink. He walks fast, back in his room, and open his closet. “I need to leave,” he said grabbing a plain polo shirt and black slacks given to him as a uniform. He didn’t realize that he’s been sitting for too long and totally forgot about the time. It’s almost 8 am and he still needs to travel for about 45 mins just so he could arrive at the shop on time.

“It’s fine, I can understand” Gun can hint disappointment on his friend’s tone “Take care then,” New said, finally ending the call. Gun glanced took a glance on his wall clock, making him more anxious.

“Shit, I'll gonna be late” he can’t help but curse as he entered the bathroom.

* * *

“Can’t you walk faster than that? You really act like an old man”

New looked at Off behind him, walking slowly as he followed behind his back. He’s wearing a casual attire—a black-white shirt with faded blue long sleeves for an outer coat, ripped denim pants, and a pair of white Balenciaga he often wears. His hair parted asymmetrically making a part of his forehead exposed. New always see Off with this kind of clothes and although it may look so casual, he couldn’t deny that Off’s really handsome and he knows that it isn’t just him, since everyone seems to be staring at his friend whilst walking, squinting his eyes because of the blinding sun.

“This is the fastest I could do”

Off doesn’t have any intention of leaving his room for this day. His friends are nowhere to be found since they have to do some things on their own. Off’s aware that their life isn’t just revolving around the school and enjoying countless bar hopping and he’s fine with that. So, whenever his friends ask for time to do their duties to their family, he’ll just stay at home and play AOV or LOL just so he could do something during his spare time.

But this day is different. He woke up when he felt a hand pinching his face hard enough for him to shout in pain. He didn’t expect New will crash on his place just to ask him to accompany him to a pet shop. New has been taking care of a dog his dad had given him a few months ago. He tried to refuse New, pushing him out of his room but the guy won’t leave with his dog and now, he’s walking under the scorching sun, burning his exposed skin. He’ll be lying if he tells that he doesn’t have a soft spot for his friend’s boyfriend. If only Tay isn’t having a short vacation with his family, he’ll just be slouching on his bed and enjoy watching the clock as time passes by.

“But you’re fast when it comes to booking a hotel room and pinning someone in bed,” New said while stroking his Shih Tzu's fur. His intention is to mock Off but he just heard his friend’s chuckles

“Well that’s a different thing” Off replied as he walks faster so he could catch up to New.

After a few minutes of walking and circling around, New finally found the place he’s been looking for. It is the pet shop that was recommended to him by one of his classmates, Krist, who has two cats as pets. Krist assured him that the place was best not only because of its ambiance but also because of the way they treat the pets.

New’s eyes widened as he entered the shop. The place isn’t that big but surely, it looks amazing. There are potted plants lined up on the lobby, the lights look so majestic because of small crystals hanging on it. He can see different pet toys like cat complex and small rooms for dogs.

“Hello, welcome to Godji’s Pet Shop” A pretty lady flashed he bright smile at them. Her hair isn’t that long but just enough to reach her shoulders and she looks lovely on her long floral dress. “I’m Godji, how may I help you?” When New heard her name, he already got a gist that she was the owner and New felt that he’s in a really good place because of the well-mannered lady in front of him.

“Can you do some grooming to Snow?” Ms. Godji looked at the dog New’s carrying, trying to check what service he may offer to the owner

“No worries, I think Gun can do something about it” New’s gaze turned to Ms.Godji whose smile won’t leave her face. Then he looked at Off who’s a bit far from him, sitting on an empty seat whilst holding his phone. New isn’t sure about what he’s thinking but when Ms. Godji called her helper and Gun released himself, wearing an apron covering his plain shirt and half of his black pants, New’s eyes widened because of the shop. Gun and he gasped when they saw each other.

“Oh My God! Gun it was really you!” New exclaimed as he walks towards Gun who’s still confused about how New was able to get in this place. “What a coincidence”

Gun is happy to see New in their shop, holding his dog whilst smiling genuinely in front of him but someone caught his eyes—Off who’s looking at him, wearing his infamous poker face with his sharp eyes directly staring at him

* * *

“How were you able to get the job? I didn’t know you like animals”

New and Gun have been talking for minutes now since he finished grooming Snow. She looks so much better now unlike earlier when her fur’s all over her face, covering her eyes. Right now, she looks so white just like the snow—though he wasn’t able to see one yet for all of his life, he could say that it fits the dog perfectly.

“One of my friends taught me basic grooming. Their family owns an animal shelter and pet shop. I helped there sometimes” He smiled as he remembered one of his close friends at the province—Sing.

“You look good in that uniform”

“Thank you, but I don’t think so” Gun replied, touching Snow’s whiskers.

Off snickered making Gun took a glance at him. He hates that the guy he’s been avoiding since then is now inside the shop he’s working for. It’s not he’s holding grudges at him because of what happened to them before. Although it’s still at the back of his head, Gun isn’t childish to hate him for that long but there’s something within Off’s aura that he hates—his name spells like trouble and Gun doesn’t want to be involved with him anymore but it feels like whenever he’s not having a good day, Off will eventually pop out and make things a lot more stressful for him. Like what he expected, he was late earlier and was scolded by Ms. Godji and now, Off’s with New and his presence could give him bad vibes he cannot explain.

“Are you trying to be humble, because it doesn’t suit you” Off told him, his forehead wrinkled because he would like to leave the place already. He can feel people staring at him as if he committed something wrong when he’s doing nothing but to sit next to New and listen to his small talks with Gun. New hit him with his elbow as a signal that he should stop talking. New smiled to Gun, trying to compensate for Off’s attitude towards his friend.

“You should have told me that you’re working in a good place, I could have come with you earlier” Gun doesn’t really like to tell anyone that he’s having a part-time job every weekend. He would like to keep it a secret not because he’s shy, but because he doesn’t want to look pitiful to others. It’s like giving himself a chance to be independent and stand on his own without asking for anyone’s help. But seeing New’s expression made him think that a person who knows something about his job isn’t a bad idea at all. He may also have incentives because they were able to get another regular customer.

“You didn’t tell me you’ll visit a pet grooming shop” Gun replied, “you just said that you’ll run some errands so I never thought you’ll come here” he added keeping his straight face.

“Just tell him that you don’t like being with him. It’s been more than a month yet you’re still acting as if Newwiee’s a stranger to you. Can’t you act better than this?” Off titters making Gun pissed with what he said.

“You don’t know me. Aside from my name, you know nothing so stop acting as if you know me better than myself when it’s clear that you don’t even know yourself. You’re no better than me, aside from your luxurious attire, mouth spitting trash, and rude personality, you’re no good at all” Gun finally talked back, which New didn’t expect at all. Gun’s still keeping his straight face, Off on the other hand is clenching his hands and New can feel that anytime he’s ready to punch Gun. Although it isn’t obvious on Off’s face, months of being his friend is enough for him to read his actions.

“Would you like to say more, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn?” Gun’s also trying to keep calm despite his anger to Off. He really hates his guts and as much as he would like not to care at all, Off keeps on getting on his nerves since earlier. He won’t stop murmuring things that Gun couldn’t comprehend, be he can feel on his skin that Off’s mocking him—or just so he thought.

“I think we should leave now Off. Bye Gun! See you in school”

New didn’t wait for Gun’s response and grabbed Off whilst his other hand is holding Snow. He kept on holding Off’s hand though the latter isn’t trying to restrain himself. He quietly obeyed New, something that he wasn’t expecting from Off. His friend is like a fragile bomb when he’s mad and he’ll do his best just so he could get back to the person who pissed him.

When they finally reached the car, Off was still quiet even when he started driving New back to the house. New felt guilty for what happened between Off and Gun. He can’t deny that Off was acting like a child at the pet shop but when he heard how Gun spit those words, he immediately got worried about Off—he may look tough on the outside, but he’s the most sensitive one in their circle.

The silence inside the car was deafening, but it’s not enough for him to ask about what Off’s feeling. If Off wanted to tell it, he doesn’t need to ask anymore and Off will be the one who will start talking about it but based on how his eyes are fixed on the street, he knows that Off isn’t comfortable about it.

Few more minutes and they were able to arrive at New’s house. He asked Off to go inside and rest for a while but he refused to. “Well thank you for driving me home,” New said but Off just nodded.

“Are you going home now?”

“No, I’ll go get some drinks” Off finally uttered words making New smile a little. He thought that if he couldn’t make Off feel better, surely tonics will.

“Take care,” he said as Off stepped on the gas and drive away.

* * *

When Gun arrived home after his shift, he was able to see his mom waiting for him in their kitchen. She looks tired and her eyes are droopy. Gun sit next to his mom, trying to read her. “Eat”

Both of them aren’t talking but they could feel each other’s glances as if they would like to ask for questions they’ve been keeping since then but none of them dared to utter a single word. Gun wasn’t able to see his mom for the past three days but she was able to get home last night, with plastic of groceries and necessities. He would like to ask where she had been or what she was doing but he knows that his mom will just shut him Off so he just keeps on spacing out whilst scooping his meal with his spoon.

“Gun, do you need money?” Gun slowly lift his head so he could see his mom. She’s still eating, not throwing even a single gaze at him “If you don’t need, can I have some of your savings?”

The spoon on Gun’s hand slipped and fell on the ground creating a metallic sound as it hits the floor. He looked at his mom who’s now staring intently as he tries to pick up the spoon. He wasn’t expecting those words from his mother. He thought she’ll give her some pennies just so he could get some extra and save more but it turns out she’ll be the one who’s asking for his money. Gun smiled bitterly because of the though—what was he expecting from his mother. She was always like that.

“What will you do with the money?” he would like to ask the question but for some reason, his lips were tightly closed and he still couldn’t dare to utter a word, even a sound.

“I have a few, how much do you need?”

“All of it”

* * *

Off felt his body shaking because of hunger so he grabbed some junks in the convenience store across their university. He clearly told New earlier that he’ll go get some drinks to calm himself because of what happened between him and Gun but when he’s about to enter a bar where he usually visits after driving for hours, he couldn’t feel any enjoyment and enthusiasm so he decided to leave and he found himself driving back to his university. It’s been one of his safe places and he’s just lucky that his school is open even during the weekend, specifically during Saturdays, because there are still who are taking Saturday classes.

Gun’s words keep on ringing at the back of his head whilst he’s making his way to the school backyard which he’s claiming his. He can’t help but think how Gun’s words were so accurate, enough to make him felt like he was stabbed for a couple of times that he couldn’t find a way to fight back anymore. He thought that he was over being so dramatic and sensitive but he was wrong because everything that’s related to him could make him go crazy, especially when it comes to his twisted family profile.

He sighed as he opened the fence-like door of the school’s backyard when a small figure caught his attention. He can hear soft sobs as he gets closer to him and for a moment, he thought that his mind’s playing with him but all of the uncertainty has gone when Gun finally lifts his head, being illuminated by the moon and the light post. He’s hugging his knees whilst sitting on the wood bench.

“What the hell are you do—wait, are you crying?” he tried to check Gun but he’s doing his best to cover his face to wipe away his tears. After securing that his cheeks are already dry, he then faced Off.

“Are you drunk?” Gun asked him as he sniffs.

“What? No?” Off exclaimed with his hands still holding the junk he bought earlier.

“Really? So, you’re probably sober. Can I borrow this place, just for tonight? I need to do something here” Gun manages to show him a smile making him confused and scratch his temple. He would like to push Gun away from the place since he would like to be alone, but seeing Gun in this state made him felt guilty for some reason.

“Off, you can hate me all day tomorrow or for the upcoming days, I’m just asking for a night. You can punch me tomorrow and I’ll gladly offer my face” Gun isn't in the mood to start a quarrel with Off so he's trying to resist himself. Off felt Gun’s desperation based on his crack voice and his swollen eyes. That scene looks familiar to him because he’s been seeing the same one every time, he’s facing the big mirror on his room, during the nights he hears his parents fighting over annulment papers. He doesn’t know why he’s seeing himself to Gun right now.

Although still baffled, Off placed the plastic full of junks on the space beside Gun. He doesn’t have any intention of leaving but he doesn’t want to see someone crying so he took his steps away from Gun.

“Off” he stopped walking, but his back still facing Gun, waiting for the next words which will come out of his mouth “Thank you, for being sober tonight”

Off left the place with a heavy heart “Damn midget”


	7. Chapter 6

Mook has been sitting on the wood bench at the park for a while now. She has her sketchbook with her, a couple of charcoal pencils and brushes she got from the stationary shop across their school. She still has her bag with her since she isn’t ready to go home yet. Mook would like to take her time in the park to rest and do some sketches.

She stopped dashing her pencil on the rough surface of her sketchbook when she felt something cold on her face, making her instantly turn her head and smile. She looked at his boyfriend with such lovely eyes, holding two cans of carbonated drink and a pack of chips. Toy took the seat next to her; he rarely visits the place but he’s been staying too much lately to accompany his girlfriend, listening to her rants about how shitty her day in school and life is.

Toy stares at her sketchbook; there’s a boy smiling, his bangs almost covering his eyes but his smile looks genuine and lovely. Toy could tell very well that it isn’t him; it’s Gun, his girlfriend’s best friend, and he’s fine with that. He could understand how much Mook misses him.

“He looks good in that” Toy said, opening the cold can and offered it to Mook “You miss him, don’t you?”

Mook got the drink and look at her sketch, playing with her pencil on her finger turning it round like how a majorette turns the baton. She smiled and turn back her eyes to his boyfriend.

“I do, but it seems like he already forgot about me”

“Since when did you last talked to him?” he opened the pack of chips and got a piece of it, sharing it to Mook.

“It’s been two weeks already, actually, almost three weeks” Mook saw how Toy nods, offering her another piece of chips.

It’s been a while since Gun talked to her and she’s now doubting if her friend could still remember her. She hasn’t been into the City and she isn’t really aware of how life works there. She may have read some articles and stories from the internet but she isn’t really sure how Gun’s way of living is. She misses him, almost every day but she could only look at their old pictures together whilst thinking about the old times. She’s worried but at the same time, she’s a bit hurt because her friend couldn’t even call her, let alone leave a single message.

“That isn’t long enough for you to think that he has completely forgotten about you” Toy took a sip of his drink, feeling the ticklish sensation on his throat caused by the carbonated bubbles. “You don’t need to talk every time or every day to measure your friendship. He surely misses you too”

Mook took a deep sigh. She thought that maybe, she was just overthinking since she wasn’t used to Gun being away from her. She always had the kid around her, smiling and comforting her. She misses her presence and now that she heard those words from her boyfriend, she felt bad for being too selfish but there’s still her pride that keeps on telling her that her feelings toward her friend are valid, and it’s fine for her to feel bad about Gun.

“Maybe you’re right, but he should have at least left a single message, right? It won’t take too much of his time” Mook grabbed the chips on Toy’s hand, making the man laugh at his girlfriend.

“Yeah well, I guess he’s busy”

“Too busy to touch his phone. Surely, he’s slowly killing his self just to focus on his studies because he’s dying to leave the country and work abroad? Yes, totally” Mook said in a sarcastic tone whilst holding her drink tightly, causing it to deform a bit because of her fingers.

Toy chuckles and taps his girlfriend on her head. He knows exactly that she might throw tantrums if he’ll keep on talking about Gun. Mook even forgot that she’s sketching her friend and now her work is wet because of the droplets coming from the canned drink above her sketchbook. He removed it and blow on the wet part of the paper.

“I think I saw his mom last time”

“Really?” Mook jolts and the can almost slip in her hand but she’s lucky that Toy’s attentive of her and his reflexes are fast enough “When?”

“Easy, I’m not actually sure, but I think I saw her a few days ago”

“Why?” Mook stared at him, confused about the news she just heard “What was she wearing? Where did you see her? Is she with somebody or is she alone?”

“How should I know, I’m not even sure if it was her because her face is covered, but the figure seems like Gun’s mom”

Mook took out her phone from her bag and scanned on her contacts looking for Gun’s name, contemplating if she’ll call him or message him and ask about his mom. She stared at her phone’s screen with Gun’s pictures and number, enough for Toy to asked her a question.

“You telling him?”

“No,” she said, placing her phone once again in her bag, “he’s probably busy, I’ll just wait for him to message me”

“Up to you then”

* * *

Gun turn the pages of his book looking for a piece of paper which includes the notes one of his teachers gave him earlier. They’ll be having a short demonstration teaching to the students from the Department of Engineering and Architecture. The month of February’s about to end and they are being selected one by one to do some demo teaching to check what they’ve learned in the past month and how they’ll be able to apply it in the classroom.

It was picked randomly. Their names were inside the box and they’ll be picking two other papers containing which department they’ll be doing their demo. Gun was busy thinking about random things like what he should do to save more money or if he’ll ask for Ms. Godji for an advance. His mind was too occupied that he couldn’t even remember the department and the lesson he’ll be teaching and now, the paper is missing.

“What the hell am I going to do?!” he said, turning his book over, shaking it harshly hoping that a paper will magically fall but there was nothing.

“Gun calm down, maybe we could just ask the teacher again” Oab holds Gun’s hand to make him stop. It was his first-time seeing Gun like this since he always finds him calm and quiet, but now, Gun looks so upset and he doesn’t even know what he’ll do calm him down. Gun’s eyes look furious, his brows furrowed whilst looking at him.

“You know very well what kind of teacher Ms. Panhan is, it’ll be impossible for her to listen to me”

Oab’s suggestion isn’t inviting. The teacher they’re talking about is one of the hardest teachers to deal with—with her eyes always throwing sharp stares at them, whilst sitting on the teacher table and a meter stick on her hand, all of them will think twice to approach her and Gun doesn’t want to talk to her at all since the lady is always expecting something from him; she had set the high expectation from Gun when he was able to answer one of her questions in a comprehensive manner and now, Gun’s regretting that moment when he showed off. She’s like a beautiful lady dressed like a nightmare for the Education students and no one dares to mess up with her.

Alice, being absent because of a family matter, is such a problem—she’s the one who is good when it comes to things like this. Luck was on her side since her name wasn’t pick today during the draw lots and when Oab messaged her to tell the news, Alice even bragged that she’s been lucky since birth and even teased them about their names being picked for the first day. He thought of calling her earlier to ask for suggestions because Gun’s already panicking but she won’t pick her phone no matter how many times he calls her.

“We should at least try, right? I mean, you’ve been rummaging your things for minutes already, I think you really lost it” Off said with a worried look on his face.

“Well Oab, I said no”

* * *

“Knock now, Gun”

Gun couldn’t move. His legs are shaking whilst standing in front of the faculty door, looking at the names of the professors listed on the wall next to it. He isn’t sure how Oab was able to convince him to see Ms. Panhan. He did everything that he can to disagree with his friend but he left with no choice when he already checked everything on his bag but found nothing. Gun’s too desperate that even he couldn’t believe himself.

“You said you’ll gonna help me” Gun attests, facing Oab with an angry look on his face

“Ok, let’s do it this way. I’ll knock, you go inside” Gun balk with disbelief, “Hey don’t get mad, you’re the one who needs her right?” Oab tried to defend himself, but Gun just rolled his eyes.

Oab knocked on the door, three times and pushed Gun to open it. Gun turned the knob slowly and went inside the faculty, bowing his head and saying good morning to every professor he sees. He tried to act cool and calm in front of everyone whilst his eyes look for that one person he needs.

Gun saw her at the last table, sitting with her legs crossed and turning pages of a sketchbook like journal with a guy standing next to her. He squints his eye to see who’s the guy only to feel extreme dismay.

“What the fuck is he doing here? Isn’t he from the college of Architecture?”

Gun felt a flicker of irritation upon seeing Off smiling and talking casually with his professor. The view of Ms. Panhan looks unfamiliar to him since he always she’s the lady with her mad expressions, but for some reason, she looks calm and loving whilst talking to Off.

Despite his hesitation, Gun won’t forget the reason why he visited the office; he needs the lesson and the section for his demo so he took his steps slowly, until he was able to face his professor, still wearing a smile on his face.

“Yes, Attaphan, what do you need?” Gun saw how the lady’s expression changed. Her smile faded as she stares at him, reading his every move, waiting for the words he’s going to tell. He can clearly see Off’s emotionless face—he felt awkward but upset at the same time.

“Ms. I forgot my room schedule and my lesson for demo teaching” Gun bowed his head. He knows that his professor doesn’t want dilly dally, so he decided to be straight to the point.

“I don’t have the list” he instantly lifts his head and looked at her “I’ve told you earlier that you need to remember it” she said as she clicks her pen.

“Ms. Panhan I—"

“I said, I don’t have the list. You should have known better. You should be responsible with this kind of thing” Gun couldn’t believe what he’s hearing from her professor. His disappointment thrummed through his veins seeing her as if she doesn’t care at all. Off on the other hand still looks unbothered, but he’s closed to laughter because of the scene he’s witnessing. 

“Ms. is it possible to pick again?”

“No, you might overlap with the other students”

Gun would like to scream inside the office. He’s curling his toes and he’s now starting to clench his fist. He would like to stomp his feet to lessen the irritation he’s currently feeling but he couldn’t do any of those to free from himself from the emotions he’s having right now.

“What else can I do Ms.?”

“Suggest some”

Gun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He isn’t sure where this talk will go so, he would like to leave the office already to get some fresh air and shout his heart out. There’s only one place that comes into his mind; the school backyard.

“He can do his demo in our section” Gun and Ms. Panhan turn their gaze to Off who’s now smiling playfully at them. “You said you won’t be adding our section in the list for free slots, so I guess there won’t be overlapping that may occur”

Gun’s confused about what he’s hearing. He looked at Off once more and his smile turns into a smirk. Ms. Panhan slowly taps her temple with her index finger, contemplating if he’ll give the slot to Gun but Gun would like to tell that he doesn’t want to have his demo in that section, especially since Off will be acting as one of his students. He couldn’t even imagine what may happen when he starts to talk in front of his class.

“Ok, good point Off. Come to me later Gun after your last period for the lesson which will be assigned to you. You may now leave”

Gun shook his head with disbelief and gaped as he threw his eyes to Off. Off just shrugged, clearly teasing him. Gun already cursed him in silence, hoping that he trips later or choke whilst he’s eating.

“I’ll go ahead now, Ms.” Off bowed his head and took his step forward, passing by Gun

“Goodluck, Gun Attaphan” he said before finally walking fast, leaving the place.

* * *

“You always stick around with us lately. Do you need anything?” Arm said, looking at Off who is now sitting casually on the bench, watching the students pass by them. Off doesn’t pay attention to his friend, purposely.

“Hey, Off. Tell us how you’ve been doing these past few days. Are you hanging out on your own?”

New laugh at Tay and Arm because Off doesn’t even care at them at all. He just keeps on avoiding their questions, either he waves to some girls or writes random things at the back of his notebook placed on the round table in front of them. It’s true that it’s been days already and Off has been sticking with them these past few days but like the usual, he rarely talks—unless he wants to.

He hasn’t been asking to get some booze and do bar-hopping, he also keeps on coming to anywhere they go which is very unusual since Off usually loves to be alone. It’s them who often look for the guy who always went missing whenever he wants to. Surely, Off was always with them but for some reason, his mind keeps on wandering around, not minding anyone who would like to talk to him.

“Just let him be, he’ll talk if he wants to talk,” New said, taking out containers of food he prepared earlier for all of them. He’s a good cook, aside from his family owning a small restaurant, New’s dad taught him well how to work inside the kitchen so he’s been developing new recipes that may be served in their restaurant. His parents aren’t pushing him too much to help, but he would like to, so whenever he tries to do some experiment with different ingredients, the ending result will be filling the stomach of his friends which the three really loves.

New set the containers, one for each of them, leaving three more containers inside his extra bag. Tay tried for peeking but he just shoo him off, causing him to pout but New just chuckled at his boyfriend’s reaction. He also prepared a drink and after a few minutes, the table looks like a table for the buffet. New even created a special juice mix that will complement the food he cooked, set aside the rest of the notebooks containing Off’s random drawings.

“Eat”

“What about the rest of the containers? You cooked too much” said Tay, still trying to check and count how many containers are left.

“Those are for the students from the College of Education. I forgot to give it to them earlier so I’ll just give it to them later” New gave Tay a sweet smile. “You may eat now” he added, moving his hands as a sign of offering the food to his friends.

The boys looked at each other and grabbed their individual spoons and fork. New looks at them, happily, as they started to dig in. He watches them intently like a loving mother waiting for his sons to finish their meals. Tay cut a piece of meat and offer it to New who gladly accepts it.

“Ew, that’s gross” Arm’s reaction made the three laughed in chorus. Off smack his shoulders playfully. Arm’s always like this whenever Tay and New start to act intimate and sweet to each other, which is very rare since they would like to keep it private sometimes.

“Hey, we haven’t been too sweet lately” New wipe the sides of his lips and took a sip on his drink, tasting the sourness and sweetness from lemon and cucumber mixed together “Some even thought we aren’t dating. Alice told me last time we aren’t intimate enough”

“Alice? Who's Alice” Arm asked, his eyes look glistening after hearing the name of a girl.

“Oh, another friend from the College of Education. She’s really pretty and kind” New replied, with his heads keep on nodding because of how he imagined Alice in his head. Alice is surely pretty than the average girls lurking around the campus. With her hair not long enough to cover her shoulders, showing her perfect clavicle, eyes which are big and bright and her lips which are always red, it's acceptable that whenever he visits them, boys either keep on staring or throwing glances at her. It’s just funny that Alice never notices anyone of them, or maybe she’s already used with the attention that she’s gaining from the eyes around her.

“You’ve been hanging around lots of people lately. I guess being irregular could be good as well” Tay joked around, “Should I purposely fail one of our subjects. What about building designs? You know I never liked our professor there”, Tay smiled at them, showing his complete white teeth tainted by the sauce from his food. New hit him on his head but his laugher just became louder. It was contagious that all of them in the round table starts to laugh as well. New just shook his head with disbelief.

“You’re crazy”

“Well, if there’s a reason why I might go crazy, I’ll say that it’s you” Tay pinched New’s face making Arm cringed with the view he was witnessing.

“Stop it, you’re making me lose my appetite. What a shame, your food tastes so delicious” Arm said, continuously cutting the piece of meat on his container despite saying he’s losing his appetite. “You should cook more often”

“I’ll cook again but you may get nothing from me,” New said, rolling his eyes

Off took a sip of his drink, gulping fast to satisfy himself from thirst. They’ve been staying out for long now and he could feel the heat coming from the ground because of the sun directly above them. Though the place is shady, the wind isn’t helping at all since it’s carrying the hot air from the ground.

“New, you don’t need to be intimate just to prove that you’re dating or to show your love to each other,” he said as he reached for the extra piece of meat on Tay’s container, and take it inside his mouth “Sometimes, showing too much intimacy will just result to more judging eyes, like them” Off throw glances on the boys, three table away from them, smiling from ear to ear, giving small giggles whilst looking at them with disgust.

“Hey! Do you have a problem with us?” Off stood up, clearly ready to start a fight. New panicked and pull him back on his seat. He keeps on looking at the boys on the other table, who looks like members from the basketball team because of the jerseys hanging on their shoulders. They aren’t making a move, but New’s afraid that Off will run towards them and start something that all of them might regret.

“Off, stop this” Arm tugged Off as he looked at its fist clenching. He knows that Off’s sensitive to this kind of thing, especially since it’s about his friends.

Tay just stared at his friend since he knows how hot-headed Off is, and it won’t help to stop so might as well, wait until Off starts and he’ll back him up. He keeps on looking at New and Off but he didn’t dare to touch Off anymore, he couldn’t help but admire his friend at times like this when he’s ready to fight for them. It’s not that he would like Off to start a fight, he just knows that once Off decided on his own, there’s no way to stop him.

“Off, your dad won’t like this, believe me” New whispers loud enough for Off to hear. Off couldn’t take away his stares at the boys who’re now getting their things, but still looking at them whilst shaking their heads and laughing. Off would like to punch them one by one, giving them the cuts that they deserve for mocking his friends, but hearing his dad from New restrained him so when he how the guys walk away from them, he starts to take deep breaths and got back on his seat. New gave out a sigh of relief, so as Arm and Tay.

“I thought that I’ll be backing you up, you war freak” Tay gave him a smirk. It’s still visible on Off’s face the irritation and anger after what happened.

“I’m sorry” Off turn his gaze to New, staring directly at him. “I’m sorry, Off”

“Cut it out” Off looked at Tay, telling that he should get his boyfriend back on his seat “Those homophobic people aren’t worthy of your sorry”

“Stop, let’s stop being dramatic and let’s go get some drinks later” Arm took out his wallet and place it at the center of their table, “I’ll pay”

“Are you sure?” Tay asked him whilst patting New’s head, moving his eyebrows up and down

“Yeah” Arm nods his head and smiles though he would already like to back out. These are the rare moments when he needs to sacrifice some of his money just to lighten up the mood.

“Is it ok if I’ll ask Gun and the others?” Arm’s smile slowly fades making the rest of them laugh “I just thought that maybe you would like to meet Alice? She was absent today but I can call her to come with us”

“Oh! Of course, you should bring them all” Arm replied enthusiastically “I have more cards here” he showed them multiple cards that he has been keeping on the secret pocket of his wallet.

“Um New, about that kid” New turn his gaze at Off who finished his drink first before looking at him.

“Who?”

“That kid, Gun. How is he?”

New looked at Off, muddled whilst holding Tay’s hand, slightly squeezing it. It was the first time for Off to ask him about Gun since the last time they met, which happened around three days already.

“Why do you ask? Don’t you like him?”

Off can feel how Arm and Tay’s eyes watching his every move and his reaction making he felt like a bit awkward. He tried to hide his face thinking why he was even asking about the boy who dissed him last time and asked for his private place. Now he doesn’t even want to visit the school backyard because of the thought that he may see Gun crying again whilst hugging his knee. He hates that he could still remember how Gun looks like that night and seeing him earlier triggered the memories he would like to bury on his head.

“Nothing, never mind,” Off said, shaking away the picture of Gun in his head

* * *

_Off’s been sitting behind the fence like door of their school backyard for an hour already. He keeps on peeking on the spaces of the door to see how Gun was doing. He was about to leave earlier but he had second thoughts after he saw Gun crying so took his steps back to the place. He didn’t dare to go beyond the door, he already left earlier so he thought it’ll be such a disgrace if he’ll show himself again to Gun. He isn’t actually sure why he’s staying just to check on him but the urge was just so strong._

_Gun was still sitting on the wooden bench. Off isn’t sure if he’s still crying but he could tell that he cried a lot for he could see his swollen eyes. He also saw how many times he wiped his face with the white handkerchief. Gun didn’t touch the food Off left for him except for the bottle of water. Off felt sudden relief after seeing Gun stood up on his seat and took his phone. He saw how the boy squinted his eyes because of the sudden light immitted by his phone’s screen_

_“Such a kid,” Off said, smiling a little. His eyes are still on Gun._

_He could now hear the soft sound of the guitar coming from Gun’s phone as the boy starts to sing. His voice was soft but he could clearly feel the sadness on the way he sang the song. His voice complements with the tone and for some reason, he felt peace upon listening to his voice despite obvious cracks he could hear. He watched him in silence, trying not to create any unnecessary noise which may interrupt his singing._

_Maybe in another life_

_Everything worked out alright_

_And things that made this harder passed us by_

_But there’s no bad dream to wake up from_

_Know I got it bad when it’s the morning_

_“Is that what you feel?” Off stared at the dark sky filled with stars. He smiled as he feels the lyrics of the song. He isn’t familiar with it but he couldn’t deny that he likes it. He got his candy inside his pocket and tear it open_

_“I guess, we’re just feeling the same, Gun”_


	8. Chapter 7

Alice and Oab have been roaming around the mall for hours, visiting different stationary shops Alice hoping that they won’t be able to visit the NBS anymore.

It’s a common problem for Alice to be tempted buying items not included in her list—like colorful journals, newly released scented glitter gel pens, or a pack of new highlighters which she’ll just keep in her closet hidden because she doesn’t want to use them. She’s no artist, but she loves to keep things neatly placed on her closet and look stare at it with adoration and satisfaction until she loses all of her interest.

“Jesus”, Oab exclaimed whilst holding a cart with almost nothing inside “Let’s go to NBS Alice, we’re just wasting our time in this place” frustration is evident on Oab’s face and he couldn’t keep it anymore. He’s getting tired because of Alice being dramatic when all he wanted to do is to get back to his place and finally get a night of proper sleep. He’s having a hard time sleeping for two consecutive nights, planning what activities he’ll need to include in his lesson plan.

“I told you I can’t” Alice frown dropping a pack of sticky notes in her cart “I don’t want to see the newly released stabilo. You know I’ve been dying to buy those”

Oab rolled his eyes. He walked towards Alice and gave her his cart, making sure not to break his eye contact with her “I don’t want to stay here so I guess, I should leave now” He turned his back at Alice, still wide eyes because of disbelief to his actions. She couldn’t understand what’s happening to Oab for he was always energetic and smiling whenever they’re together.

“I’ll tell Gun that you left me!”

“Tell him all you want, I’ll even come with you,” he said, before finally leaving the place

Oab walks fast, not trying to look back despite feeling guilty of what he did to Alice. He doesn’t want to stay longer because he’s getting irritated of his thoughts about what Gun has been doing that, he couldn’t get hold of him every after class.

Truthfully, he’s a bit disappointed with Gun. The boy clearly told them that he’ll come with them at the mall but Gun called earlier saying he won’t be able to come and gave them a list of things to be bought instead. After that call, both of him and Alice couldn’t get hold of Gun anymore which is the reason why he’s a bit grumpy today These past few days, Gun has always been a bit weird. Though the smaller is usually reserved, these days, he became exceptionally quiet. There are even times when he would catch him staring blankly and Oab couldn’t help but worry about Gun.

Oab couldn’t ever forget what happened two days ago when Gun also ditched them after saying yes to New’s offer. They were supposed to have some fun in a local bar and get some drinks to forget about their shitty life as college students. They were actually lucky enough that the rest of New’s friends treated them but when they were already at the place and Gun’s the only one who isn’t around, they received a message saying that he won’t be able to make it anymore and said sorry to everyone through text.

He heard a beep coming from his phone so he picked it inside his pocket, hoping to get a message from Gun. He was actually expecting a message from him since he knows that Alice will surely tell Gun that he ditched her, leaving her with everything that should be brought for the upcoming demo. Doing visual aids is surely frustrating especially since they need to make it look appealing to everyone—their students, their classmates, and of course, to their professor which happens to be a very strict one.

From: Alice

To: Oab

“You sure to ditch me? How dare you?”

The next thing he knows is he’s already seeing Alice’s names flashed on his screen which he declined to answer. His mood is ruined and he hates to talk to anyone when he’s not in the mood for he might tell words he didn’t mean to say. If he hears Alice nagging on the other line, he might start spitting shits that may hurt her ego and he doesn’t want that to happen. So, instead of leaving Alice hanging, he just decided to leave her a message.

To: Alice

From: Oab

“Sorry, I’ll make it up to you next time. I wasn’t feeling good”

He then hailed a taxi wishing that he won’t be caught up in heavy traffic on his way home

* * *

_Gun, together with Oab received a message from New telling that they are invited to have some drinks because Arm would like to enjoy and have some shots today. Alice wasn’t around, but New told them through the message that Alice will surely come. Gun isn’t familiar with the place that was given to them by New. Truthfully, he wasn’t that familiar yet in the city despite staying for months already. There are only three places included in the map of his own; house, school, pet shop, and nothing more. Hanging out isn’t even in his vocabulary and if ever he’ll come, it’ll surely be his first time to try._

_“You should come with us, Gun. It’ll be for free so you don’t really need to think twice” Oab told him whilst skipping with his dirty white shoes which strings are almost untied “I mean, it’s been months and we haven’t hanged out, except for eating street foods outside the school, right?”_

_He doesn’t want to answer Oab since he wasn’t actually sure if he’ll come with them but his friend’s persuasive skill is just so good that he was left with no choice but to agree. He would also like to see how to live without thinking of things that usually bugs him. He could remember how Mook told him before that having a taste of beer and being intoxicated with tonics is actually good sometimes. He knows for a fact that he’s just a newbie to drinks, but at some point, the thought made him more curios though it somewhat reminds him of his dad and how it turns him into someone he hates._

_Gun decided to get back home first so he could change his clothes. He wasn’t expecting his mom to be home but when he opened the door, his mom was seating on a wooden chair in front of their small television. She’s holding a newspaper, obviously not caring about the soap opera airing on their T.V._

_He removed his shoes and hang his bag at the back of their door. He didn’t bother to greet her for he knows that she’ll just ignore him like she usually does, so he quietly made his way in his room. He doesn’t want to think of the reason why she’s home this early since most of the time, she’ll just answer the same words – ‘don’t ask, at least I’m home’_

_Gun got some plain black shirt in his closet, he decided to pair it with the pants he wore earlier. It won’t be a trouble for him since he just used it for today, also, he’s fine to wear it again because no one will notice anyway. It’s not that he’ll be thrown out of the place if he’ll be repeating the same pants. He tried to style his hair, trying to make himself look a bit better after his stressful day in school. He doesn’t want to look like shit in a place full of strangers._

_After making sure that he’s ready, he took a deep breath and looked at his reflection on his mirror. Nothing actually changed except for his shirt and his styled hair. He smiled but it immediately faded when he saw his mom standing on his door, staring at him._

_“Where are you going?”_

_He turned to her, looking at her deep empty eyes as if she hasn’t slept for days. Gun can’t read her mom as much as he wants to. He would like to be honest with her, but thinking about how she’ll react if he tells him that his only son will have some drinks in a local bar made him worried._

_“I’ll meet my classmates to do a project” he lied, biting the side of his lips. His mom looked at his clock hanging on his wall_

_“It’s past six” she turns her gaze back to Gun “If you’ll have some fun, you don’t need to lie to me. You’re old enough to be accountable of the things you’ll do”_

_Gun couldn’t get hold of the words he would like to say. He would like to defend himself to his mom but it feels like he’s already caught by her. It was probably his mom's mother instinct being active in her system, after all, he’s still her son so maybe, he couldn’t be a good liar when it comes to her._

_Before he could even answer back to her, she already started to take her steps out of his room._

_“Do whatever you like, just don’t follow the steps of your dad”_

_Those were the last words of her mom before finally closing the door of his room, leaving him dumbfounded._

* * *

_Gun was walking slowly along the street, thinking about how he’ll be able to get to the address given to him by New. He actually regrets telling Oab that he can go alone when he is not even familiar with the Transpo that he’ll be using. Frankly, he even had a thought that he won’t come to the place anymore since he felt guilty about lying to his mom—though he knows that she’s already aware of what he’s up to._

_He walked with his head being clouded with thoughts about his mom and his dad. He has been bugged by the thought his mom told him earlier—'do whatever you like, just don’t follow the steps of your dad’_

_The truth is, he’s father is a kind man. He’s a good person who always tends to offer his hand when someone needs help though he won’t really benefit from it. He could be even called a modern hero in their place but he was humble enough not to take advantage of the people around him that’s why Gun couldn’t understand where it all started; his dad being alcoholic and problematic to the point that he even killed someone._

_“Don’t follow the steps of my dad”_

_He whispers, feeling the cold breeze of the night whilst his still walking to nowhere. He even forgot to send a message to his friends to ask for direction. He couldn’t think of anything good so he just shook his head, hoping that he’ll be able to forget the things that have been running on his head._

_“Hey! Midget!”_

_Gun heard a familiar voice and when he looked around, he saw a black shiny car stopped in front of him, revealing a face reeking of arrogance. He rolled his eyes and continue walking, ignoring him._

_“Oy! Midget!”_

_People start to look at his direction, gaining attention because of the black car slowly following him. He felt irritated seeing him like this especially since he’s been thinking too much since earlier. He would like to be at peace while finding his way to the bar._

_“Hey! Gun Attaphan Phunsawat!”_

_He finally stopped walking, throwing sharp stares to Off who’s now making his way out of his car. He was wearing a red polo printed with black dots and a high waist denim pants, showing his good long legs. His hair is brushed up like his usual hairstyle. He could smell his strong perfume as Off walks closer to him, slowly brushing his hair. Off faced him with daunting eyes—he could feel that he’s mocking him based on the way the taller looks at him._

_“What do you want?”_

_“Midget, you’ll go to the bar, right? Would you like to come with me?”_

_Gun looked at Off’s car once again, parked in the side of the street. It was just fast, but he could tell how good his car is and already thought of the convenience it’ll give him if he agrees to Off, but looking at Off made him think twice. His arrogance makes him want to suffer walking instead. He still couldn’t forget the face he gave him earlier in the office with Ms. Panhan. How he gave him a teasing smile before leaving the faculty after he offers their section to be his students for his demonstration teaching._

_“No, thanks”_

_“Ok”_

_Off answered and went back to his car. Gun couldn’t believe that Off will just let him go after saying those words but he just let him. He heard how Off starts the engine of his car but it seems like Off was happy to tease him since he kept on driving slowly, following his every move._

_“What the fuck are you doing?”_

_Off chuckled, he’s clearly enjoying the annoyed face of Gun. The vulnerable Gun he saw a few days ago while crying at the backyard of their school is now gone—all he could see is the tough one. It was unexpected to see him this night, walking alone as if filming a music video. He laughed at the thought._

_“Can’t you see? I’m driving” he said, flicking his fingers which added to the immense anger of Gun._

_Gun knows that Off’s a walking trouble, so instead of being angry at him, he pushed himself to ignore the man and put on his earphones, listening to the soft instrumental from his playlist. He looked straight, completely not caring about Off who’s still following him._

_Off doesn’t actually know why he’s doing it, but he actually finds Gun’s reactions amazing. It feels like he’s talking to two different people when he’s seeing him. He may easily get annoyed but since that moment he saw Gun crying, he had this thing in his chest that he would like to know him more though Off still denies it to himself most of the time since Gun also keeps on getting on his nerves because of the way he thinks about him. He knows, Gun sees him as a troubled kid too like the rest of the people at school._

_It’s been a few minutes but they’re still on the street. Both of them forgetting about the time since they’re enjoying on their own ways. Gun’s thoughts were completely washed away without him realizing it and Off on the other hand, still enjoys driving slowly though it’s obvious that Gun doesn’t care about his trip._

_Gun’s earphones are still on his ears when he saw something on the side of the street. At first, he wasn’t sure, but when it started to move, Gun runs closer to it with his heart pounding as if he’s the owner. He removed his earphones, placed it in his pocket, and slowly examine the bleeding puppy. He was careful enough but he could still hear the painful whimpers coming from the dog._

_“Shit, don’t touch that”_

_He didn’t even notice that Off is already standing beside him for his eye couldn’t let go of the dog. He isn’t sure how badly hurt the dog was but he could tell that she badly needs help so Gun carefully lifts her up and slowly make his way to Off’s car whilst the taller followed him with his eyes._

_“Jumpol, why the hell are you still standing there?”_

_Off isn’t that smart but he gets what Gun would like to tell him so he gave him a serious look because he already hates the idea._

_“I don’t want to, not with that thing inside my car, Gun”_

_Gun gave him a stern look but Off’s too disgusted. He actually hates blood, though he’s not afraid of it, sometimes, seeing too much blood could make him puke._

_“Come on, you can hate me all you want after this, don’t you feel guilty about this poor thing?”_

_Off heard the same words from Gun again and it gives him the same feeling he felt when he first heard it from Gun—guilt, and concern. He could tell how much Gun is panicking right now so although he’s against it, he runs towards his car and opens the car door for Gun then makes his way to the driver’s seat._

_“Twice Gun, I’ve heard those words to you twice already”_

_Gun couldn’t understand Off anymore since he’s still looking at the small dog, whimpering on his lap. His shirt stained with blood already and Off couldn’t even dare to look at him so he fixed his eyes on the street as his foot steps on the gas._

_“Where should we go?”_

_“Ms. Godji’s”_

_Off doesn’t need to ask Gun for the direction because he already knows the place, so he drove the car as fast as he could just so they could arrive at the place faster. Gun keeps on tugging him and it wasn’t helpful since he couldn’t focus on driving._

_“Attaphan, you should be prepared for your demo, I’ll ‘hate’ you during that time, just like you told me to,” he said, gritting his teeth because of mixed annoyance and nervousness._

_“Do whatever you wish, just drive faster” Gun respond, despite not hearing what Off actually said_

* * *

_“Off, what took you so long?”_

_He was greeted by his friends the moment he took his seat next to Oab. Everyone was already around except for Gun. New and Tay were sitting next to each other and Alice is sitting next to Arm so the only free seat was the one next to Oab._

_Arm offered him a bottle which he gladly accepted. He looked at his watch. He was late for almost two hours already because of what happened. They were just lucky that the pet shop was still open when they arrived or else, Gun probably killed him._

_“Hey, Off care to answer my question?” Tay shoves his hands to Off’s face to catch his attention. Off clicked his tongue_

_“Traffic” he answered as he drank his beer. Tay nods and then looked at New, giving him a sweet smile._

_“This is your first time to be late this much. You were never late when it comes to drinks” Arm said, giving him a questionable look. Arm could tell that Off’s trying to hide something from them but Off just ignored him and picked a piece of food placed on their table. He isn’t sure what is it, but he still ate it and he was satisfied with the taste._

_Off watched everyone dancing at the center, as the night got colder and deeper. People start to get wild along with the lively music which changes from time to time, making the whole place more bearable to the eyes of the party life people who’re enjoying the company of strangers. As much as he would like to join, he chose to stay on his sit and listen to the loud screams inside the bar._

_“I still can’t contact him”_

_Everyone’s attention was caught by Alice who’s been using her phone for a while now. She showed her phone to Oab who’s looking worried._

_“Heavens, Gun where the hell are you?”_

_Off heard the ironic words from Oab. He’s also using his phone and Off could tell he kept on dialing Gun for he saw his name on Oab’s phone screen._

_“I don’t think your friend will come since he’s with Bibi” Off said, giving a name to the puppy they brought to the shop earlier. It was just a name he thought out of nowhere since he doesn’t want to keep on calling the dog ‘it’. So, when they were on their way to the shop, Off gave her the name Bibi which Gun disagreed to, but Off insisted because it was easy for him to remember._

_“What are you saying?” New asked him but was interrupted by beeps from their phones._

_New, Alice and Oab received a message from Gun telling that he won’t be able to make it because of personal reasons._

_“I told you, he won’t come”_

* * *

Alice keeps on walking back and forth to the book store. She’s still contemplating if she’ll go inside since she still hasn’t completed the things on her list and Oab really left her to finish the list on her own. She would like to scream at him but when she received his message, telling her he wasn’t feeling well, she decided to let it slide. After all, it was the first time that Oab left her.

She took a seat on one of the chairs in front of NBS, still asking herself if she’ll go inside or not. She knows she’ll end up buying things aside from the list which may cost her weekly allowance but it’ll be a hassle for her if she’ll visit the mall again tomorrow to wait for the stocks from the other stores. If she only knows that she’ll end up like this, she should have asked Oab to get the rest from NBS as she waits outside instead, but she was late already to think about it since his friend was surely home already.

She scratched her temple and looked down because of frustration when she felt someone seat next to her and when she lifted her head, she saw Arm smiling next to her. She stared at him for a minute before realizing that it’s really Arm.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, still wide-eyed because she wasn’t expecting to see him.

“I was about to buy something then I saw you” Arm rubbed his nape trying not to cut their eye contact “I didn’t know it was you” he added

“You see, I need to buy something inside the books store but I’m afraid to buy more than I should so here I am, thinking if I’ll take the risk to lose all my allowance” Alice gave him an awkward smile. She couldn’t help but bring up her thoughts to him. Arm chuckled with what she said.

“Let’s go inside, I’ll treat you”

Arm stood up, offering his hand to Alice but she hesitated. So, Arm took her hand along with the bags she was holding and drag her inside the store.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're not getting confused with the story. The italicized words are flashbacks

“What have you done this time?”

Off faced his dad’s furious face the moment he entered their home. His old man is staring at him, his eyes almost beaming lasers because of too much anger for his son. Off expected this already since he did a quite big scene earlier.

“Nothing. I just did what I think is right” Off said, placing his hands inside his pocket. He doesn’t want to make their conversation long since he knows what will be the result.

He saw how his father stood up from his throne, approaching him slowly. Off couldn’t even blink his eyes when he felt his dad’s strong fist hitting his face—once, twice, thrice—he was punched three times, lesser that he expected for something big he had done.

“That’s a bit few, sir” Off fixed his posture but his hands still on his jaw, massaging it slightly “I did a very big ruckus, I think hitting me thrice won’t be enough”

His dad furrowed and brushed his hair. He would like to hit his son more but he knows Off very well. Off will just keep on getting on his nerves and he won’t ever be satisfied of punching him since his son will just obviously laugh about it; Off will just think about it for a few minutes until he buries it in his chest and goes back to being a problematic kid he had always been—or so he thought.

“Explain” the old man looked at him whilst clenching his fist. It’s obvious how much he’s been trying to hold back himself. Off smirked with his eyes still on the ground. He hates how his dad is acting right now

“No need. You already hit me, so there’s no point to explain my side since you already judged me” Off already expected about how his dad will react upon what he did but he’s still a bit disappointed, prolly because he still has a little hope that his dad will try to understand him first but the moment he had seen his dad’s blazing stares when he steps on the entrance of their house, he already gave up with the thought that maybe, he’ll agree with him—because his dad isn’t like that.

“I judged you?” his dad scoffed, “aren’t you the one judging me right now?”

Off couldn’t remove his bitter smile from his lips. He doesn’t want to talk to his dad anymore for his words won’t even hit him even the slightest way. He’s so much disappointed that his dad still tries to defend himself and blame him.

“Yeah sure dad, whatever you said”

Off took his walk away from his dad. The old man didn’t even dare to call his name anymore but he would like his dad to call him once again, hoping that the man will try to apologize for not hearing him out first, but when he heard his dad’s steps fast away from their living room, with the muffled voice of madness for him, Off stopped walking. He stood in front of their door for a few minutes, listening to the deafening silence of their house. He couldn’t bear it for he was never used to stay in a quiet place. He always finds refuge in the most chaotic places where everyone feels high and free from voices fucking their every thought, making life more bearable to live with, away from shits of people being thrown to them and Off would like to be in that place again.

* * *

_Gun’s freaking out for the possible result of his demo. He keeps on walking back and forth being followed by Alice and Oab. He unconsciously bits his nails because he could still remember what happened during his demo and he hates how it turns out for he wasn’t able to control himself from talking back to his student which is definitely isn’t good for him._

_“Can you please calm down, Gun. I’m getting dizzy by just watching you” Alice said, still looking at her friend who obviously looks so worried, “There’s nothing to be worried about, it was unintentional”_

_Gun stopped walking and faced his friends; his eyes look like he’s nearing to tears because of frustration. He doesn’t want to blame himself, but when it comes to demos like this and when the demo teacher snapped, the one who’s at fault isn’t the student but the teacher. He knows it very well, and he hates himself for he couldn’t control his emotions earlier._

_“I shouldn’t have talked back to Off” he finally fell down on his knees, in front of students walking on the busy hallway of their building, “He’s just clearly teasing me but I was too immature to get even”_

_Oab moves near to him and pulled him to the side of the hallway. Gun’s starting to gather attention from students because of his actions and Oab doesn’t want him to feel that he’s being mocked by strangers’ eyes. He tapped Gun’s head, cooing him as he tries to make Gun a little less tensed._

_“He deserves it, believe me,” Oab said, reaching for a pack of yogurt in his bag and offering it to Gun._

_Alice took Oab’s bag and get another yogurt from him bag completely ignoring the two. She knows that comforting person isn’t her forte so she just watched how Oab tries his best to make Gun feel a bit better whilst eating._

_“But my grades at stake right now because of me” Gun won’t even give even a stare on the yogurt Oab’s offering to him. He’s just looking at Oab, hoping that his friend will give him some kind of advice on how to add more credits because he surely knows he fucked up big time._

_“Ms. Panhan might be a strict one, but she’s also an educator and I know she’ll be considerate enough about this matter” Oab grabbed Gun’s hands, placing the yogurt in between, “Eat this and calm yourself for a bit. Don’t worry too much. Everything’s going to be fine”_

_Oab smiled at him whilst watching how Gun starts to dig on his yogurt. He bought it earlier with a thought that it’ll be like a congratulatory food for he believed that Gun will do his best during his demo. Who would have thought that it’ll be comfort food for his friend instead? He got his bag looking for the other so he could also have a taste. He wasn’t able to take his breakfast for he would like to watch Gun’s demo and his stomach is now starting to growl._

_“Are you looking for this?”, Alice shoved her yogurt almost half empty to Oab, “It’s almost empty, would you like to have some?” She smiled at him as if she’s happy enough seeing Oab massaged his temples upon seeing the yogurt in her hands._

_Gun chuckled upon seeing Alice and Oab. This is one of the moments when he could smile because of his friends' random bickering._

_“I hate you, Alice” Oab gave her an obviously fake smile which makes her laugh._

_“Just think that this is your payback for leaving me alone at the mall”_

* * *

_“You know, you’re too childish Off”_

_Off has been counting how many times New had been reprimanding him since earlier and he’s starting to hate it, but he couldn’t even talk back to New for he knows what he did. He knows how much Gun will try to restrain himself and he thought that getting on his nerves will be something rewarding for him, but it seems like there is nothing good to be expected from him being childish during his demo._

_“Enough babe, I think he already got your point” Tay held New’s hand, trying to stop his boyfriend from reminding Off about what he did earlier._

_“He had enough, New. Ms. Panhan even talked to him already. You know, she never did that to him” Arm added to what Tay said, “Look, Off’s not even trying to defend himself. I guess he already got your point”_

_“Actually, no. He told me that I could hate him anytime I want. I just threw him random questions and he already snapped” Off defended himself from New._

_“But you started it. You asked him questions that aren’t actually necessary and you keep on doing random shits inside the room while he’s trying his best to teach. Our classmates were considerate enough to cooperate, but you? Imagine how this will affect his grades”_

_Off finally faced New who’s brows are still knitting. He could understand why New’s being like this—Gun’s also his friend but what makes him confused is the fact that his friend is siding to Gun when it was him who told him harsh words, which none of them actually expected._

_“There’s no need for him to talk ill about my family, I know how fucked up my family is so there’s no need for him to asked how my parents raised me because clearly, they didn’t do well, right?”_

_Off bit his lips. Gun’s words are still clearly being played at the back of his head— “Maybe your parents just keep on shoving and offering things to you that’s why you’re acting like a spoiled brat who’s always asking for attention. Please, act on your age. You’re old enough to act like a toddler seeking for his mother’s milk”—no one ever dared to tell those words to him for most of the people only cares for his bad-boy image who’s always really to throw fist and have sex with anyone, but aside from that, everyone tries to avoid him, except for his friends. He always thought that he never wanted attention from everyone or from anyone, but hearing those words from Gun made him realized something—he was wishing that someone will be attentive to him, that maybe, he really does loves attention, that he’s just pretending that he didn’t because he never had it anyways._

_“Yeah, maybe it was my fault. I mean, I’ve always been a problematic kid who tends to do shits that’s why my parents couldn’t even handle me”_

_“Hey, Off, you know that’s not New’s trying to say” Arm could tell how Off’s mood is starting to change and he would like to end this conversation before both of his friends’ argument starts to heat up._

_“You know very well that Gun, only told that because he had enough” New replied. He hates that Off’s starting to talk about his family right now that he has nothing to say anymore. He doesn’t want to Off talk bad about himself, that was never his intention, he just wants Off to realize how bad he did earlier, but it doesn’t mean that he’s blaming Off for the wrongdoings of his parents._

_“Alright, if you said so. I think I should get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness” he smiled at New, clearly trying to mock his friend’s words. He doesn’t want to talk anymore so he decided to cut off their conversation. He knows what he did, he knows it was bad enough to put Gun’s grades at stake, but he couldn’t forget about his words and now, New’s trying to come after him because of that._

_“You two should really stop this or else, I’ll fucking combust,” Tay said firmly, clenching his fist to show his frustration in front of them. He never likes it whenever New and Off are like this because both him and Arm are the ones having a hard time choosing sides. He likes that his boyfriend could handle Off at times like this because none of them could do so except for him, but whenever they get too personal, he couldn’t help but be in between the two of them._

_Off walked fast away from them. He had enough drama so he just wanted to find a place and get away from his friends. He’s still mad and he doesn’t like that he’s talking to his friends whenever he’s not in the good mood for a conversation. As much as possible, we would like to be calm whilst talking to them and this time, he’s aware that he won’t be able to give them a good one._

_He’s just a few steps away from his friends when he saw the group of varsities, they’ve encountered last time. They stared at his friends with a mocking look and starts mumbling shits until one of the players accidentally bumped into Off and that’s when he snapped upon hearing one of the members—“look how brave they are to hold hands in public, so disgusting”, Off looked at Tay and New, locking their hands, as Tay tries to calm his boyfriend_

_The next thing Arm, Tay, and New had witnessed is one of the players lying on the ground, being hit by Off as the students start to swarm around them._

* * *

_“Have you heard the news? Off punched someone earlier”_

_“Oh, what do we expect? Isn’t he always like that?”_

_“Geez, someone told me he looks so mad and keeps on punching the boy until his friends dragged him out of the place. It was so chaotic and everyone’s so afraid to look at him”_

_“Luckily, I wasn’t there to witness that scene”_

_Gun’s on his way to the library to return the books he used as a reference for his demo. He keeps on hearing how the students talk about the ruckus Off had done earlier and he’s getting tired of it. He hates people who not minding their own business and instead, sticking their nose to someone’s life. Though the students aren’t actually talking about him, still, he doesn’t want to hear their words and chit chats about someone without even knowing the real reason._

_“Hypocrites, you keep on saying that you wouldn’t like to witness that scene but you keep on talking about it” he scoffed for he couldn’t help but whispers his sentiments in the thin air, “If you were there, for sure you’ll love it”_

_He walked fast until he reached the library and he’s glad enough that there were only a few students around. He could take a rest from listening to nonsense gossips he had been hearing since earlier. He approached their librarian and returned the book and proceed to the shelf for novels to get a new one to read. He would like to take his time in the place for a while and think of other ways on how to talk to Ms. Panhan about his grades. He hasn’t seen it yet, but he couldn’t help to think of the worse so he would like to prepare himself for an option._

_He took one of Paulo Coelho’s books and look for a seat. He found one at the back where there is a lesser number of students staying, working on with their activities and assignments. He read the back of the book first before he starts with the first page. This is his common way of reading; he would like to know the ending first before starting the story, something which is unusual for readers like him._

_He’s already on the third page of the book when he felt someone took the seat next to him but he didn’t bother to look. He’s so focused on reading that New tapped him to catch his attention. When Gun turned his gaze at him, he gave him a smile._

_“New, why are you here?” Gun closed the book but he makes sure to remember the part he was reading_

_“I was looking for you”_

_“You should have just texted me”_

_“You won’t reply so I asked Alice about your whereabouts and she told me you’re here”_

_Gun took out his phone from his pocket and he instantly saw around 10 messages sent by New. He totally forgot that he turned his phone into silent mode since he will visit the library and phones are required to be in silence._

_“I’m so sorry, New. Why are you looking for me?” Gun placed the book on his side and move his chair to face his friend_

_New sits comfortably but there was hesitation at the back of his mind. He isn’t sure why he’s doing it, but for some reason, he thought that he should do something to end the dispute between his friends._

_“I would like to say sorry, on behalf of Off”_

_“You don’t have to say sorry for someone’s wrongdoings especially if you have nothing to do with it,” Gun said, trying to make some point to his friend "don't carry someone's baggage because you also have yours"_

_New bit the side of his lips. He already expected that it won’t be easy for him to talk to Gun about this matter, after all, it could be a great loss for Gun since his grades could be greatly affected of what happened and the fact that Off isn’t the one asking for forgiveness isn’t helpful too._

_Gun took a deep breath and held New’s hand. He could tell what’s going on his friend’s mind since New is like an open book—he’s easy to read because he’s always genuine, unlike him._

_“Don’t think too much, I’ve already forgiven him” he tried to smile at New, showing his deep dimples on both sides of his cheeks, “It was my fault, he was clearly playing his role as a student so it’s normal for him to play around”_

_New couldn’t actually believe what he had heard from Gun, but it was a relief to know that the shorter isn’t holding grudges to Off. Well, that’s what he thought._

_The truth is, Gun’s still mad at Off. He knows that the man will surely do things to get on his nerves. That’s what he usually does and Gun could still remember how Off reminded him days ago that he’ll “hate” him during his demo. He already expected that Off will do a counter-attack for he was also the one who asked it, although he actually hoped that Off won’t do anything at all, but he was wrong about it. That guy is childish enough to piss him off._

_“You know Gun, Off is a good kid. He’s just too playful sometimes that he tends to forget about his age” Gun would like to reply and disagree because clearly, he doesn’t like Off’s attitude at all, but his lips are still and he let New continue with his words._

_“I know, I’m not in the right place to tell you this, but after months of being friends with him, I should say that Off was just like that because of his family. You know how a broken family could greatly affect a child’s attitude towards people right?”_

_Gun was a bit appalled of the new information that he got about Off, which made him remember what he told about the taller earlier about how his parents raised him. He scratched his temple, because of a sudden feeling of guilt. He couldn’t imagine how much it could have affected Off just because he would like to shut him off._

_“What was your first impression of Off, Gun?” He got back to his senses when he heard his name. Off’s face instantly flashed on his mind._

_“He’s walking trouble, I guess” he answered honestly. That was his first impression to the guy since he stumbled to him during his first day. He won’t be able to forget how Off threw his gaze at him when he accidentally spilled his coffee at him, “What about you, New? What’s your first impression on him?” Gun asked out of curiosity._

_“Well, I never judge people on their first appearance, because sometimes people who seem sweet can be the most problematic ones and the people who look arrogant and rude can be the nicest people ever when you actually get to know them”_

_New gave him the sincerest smile that he had ever seen, something that made him felt like he was no different from the rest of the people he heard earlier talking about Off. He had always been judging people whenever he encountered a new one and New’s words made him realized something should be changed about him. The guilt he has been feeling earlier became stronger and he couldn’t even look straight to his friend._

_Gun starts to do circles on the flat surface of the table. He’s still being bugged with the thought of how Off could have reacted with what he said, but he doesn’t know where to start. His friend might find it awkward if he’ll start asking New about what happened to Off._

_New on the other hand has been keeping things about Off and Gun. He couldn’t disregard the things that he could observe between the two—he knows that Off and Gun could be close together because he could feel how both of them affect each other, though they couldn’t realize it yet._

_“Look Gun, I’m not asking you to be friends with Off, but I would like you to at least give him the benefit of the doubt, though it’ll surely be better if you’ll get closer to him,” New said and Gun only gave him an awkward smile._

* * *

Off bought a bottle of beer and iced tea at the convenience store. As much as he would like to go to the bar, his friends couldn’t come with him so he thought that there’s no point in going alone since he got no one to talk with. He would like to talk to someone and rant about what he’s feeling right now. Though he said that bars could be his safe haven at times of chaos, it could also be the loneliest place where he could be. Being surrounded by random people isn’t something that could make him feel less lonely.

Once he was out the convenience store, he immediately emptied the bottle of iced tea and filled it with beer, he secured the cap and he got back in his car, driving fast to his school.

It could be ironic to think that he wouldn’t like to be alone, but their backyard is one of the places where he would like to stay for a while. Sometimes, he feels like Mang Natoy is still with him which makes him feel less lonely. He misses the man for he was always with him whenever he was down, but now that he’s nowhere to be found in the school after he got back to his hometown, it feels like Off had lost a part of his life, but the memories of him with the man still lingers in the place where he used to live—the backyard.

It’s still a bit early so Off thought that he’ll take all of his time to unwind. He got out of his car with a bottle of iced tea filled with beer. He had always been doing this, sneaking alcoholic beverages whenever he’s feeling down and when he would like to forget about how fucked up his life is and luckily, he was never caught. So, he kept on doing it for three consecutive years already, and sometimes, he thought that the guards are stupid enough not to doubt him but he was still thankful for it for he could enjoy the cold breeze at night with something that could actually accompany his soul.

Off took his steps, he’s trying to count how many steps it’ll take him before finally arriving at their school’s backyard. His feet were a bit lighter than usual, he thought that maybe, he doesn’t actually want to be in a bar for tonight and instead, be in a place where he could get drunk for a while and be sober after an hour or two.

It took him more than a hundred steps before he was able to reach the fence-like door of his private place. The moon isn’t that visible because of the clouds but he could see how it peeks from above. He opened the door and closed it immediately, not looking around the place. He thought he was alone but when he turned his head, finally facing the wood bench being lightened by the post, he groaned upon seeing the same small figure he’s been avoiding since earlier.

“Why are you here again?” Off said as he approaches Gun, sitting on the wooden bench. The smaller’s hands resting on his lap, whilst looking at the sky, clearly ignoring him “Hey, midget, what are you doing here?”

Gun didn’t throw any glance to him, which makes Off a bit annoyed but the taller isn’t in a mood to start a fight. “Move, you’re taking the whole space. Please leave while I’m still talking nicely”, Off said as he tries to shoo Gun away from his seat.

“You’re so childish. You have enough space to sit on” Gun frowned, he likes to stay longer and he would actually like to talk to Off. New’s words keep on haunting him and his guilt won’t even leave his chest.

“Geez, I don’t like you being in my place” Off scoffed and he make sure that Gun saw it but Gun won’t even budge as if he doesn’t really want to leave the place.

“I’m sorry”

Off looked at Gun in awe, but the smaller isn’t brave enough to look back at him. He just keeps on looking at the dark sky, waiting for the moon to be finally out of its blanket.

“What did you say?”

“I said I’m sorry”

Gun doesn’t really like to say sorry, but he thought that maybe he also needs to do so. When he heard from New a little bit about Off’s family, he couldn’t help but to feel sorry. Gun knows very well how hard it could be for at some point, he’s also experiencing the same thing. He doesn’t have a good family to be proud of—his mom doesn’t care about him, and his dad was in jail for killing someone. He doesn’t know if Off’s family background is much worse than him, but it doesn’t necessary for him to know. He just wants to remove the heaviness in his chest and now that he finally said those words to Off, he felt a little bit better.

Off, on the other hand, couldn’t really understand what’s happening. He’s still confused about why the boy is saying sorry to him but he couldn’t even ask him why, so instead, he opened his bottle and starts drinking his beer as if he’s just taking a sweet juice, not minding how bitter it tastes.

“You’re smart enough to sneak in some alcohol”

The older smirked at the younger. Gun’s now finally looking at him, watching the lump on his neck moving as he drinks the beer. The scent was strong enough for Gun that he could easily tell what he was drinking. When Off almost drank half of his beer, he looked at Gun with confused eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re sorry for, but I still hate you”

Gun chuckles, but he immediately stopped when he realized what he did. It was the first time for them to talk longer. Surely, he was able to ride in his car but they didn’t talk for long at that time. Off was mad at him, and he was also annoyed so they never had a good conversation aside from fighter over the puppy’s name but right now, it feels like he would like to stay longer at the place but he’ll surely leave once Off starts to piss him off once again.

“You can hate me—”

“all you want tomorrow but let me stay here for a while. No need to say it, I’ve already memorized that shit” Gun couldn’t continue his words anymore for Off was the one who did it for him already. But that doesn’t what he really wants to tell to him right now.

“You can hate me during the morning, but can we pretend to be strangers at night and talk about life while you’re sober?”

Gun isn’t actually sure where those words came from but they surprisingly escaped from his lips. Maybe, New possessed him for a while, but for some reason, there’s something that stops him from pulling back his words. His eyes were fixed at Off and so as Off to him. Both of them couldn’t think of the best words to say to each other, leaving them silent for a couple of minutes.

“Are you seriously telling me this?”

“Yeah. Some nights, I also wanted to get drunk and talk to a random stranger, vent out all of my frustrations and forget about what happened the next day, but I don’t drink and I’m afraid that I’ll hate the taste of alcohol” Gun said, making invisible circles on his lap.

Off laughed at him. It was the first time for him to see this side of Gun. He already has seen his fragile state when he was crying alone one night asking him if he could borrow his place. He also seen his tough side when all Gun did was to throw sharp stares at him and slap him with words, he never had heard from anyone, but this side of Gun is probably the most confusing one for him. Surely, the shorter had never thought of him as a friend though he’s been hanging out with New for months already but seeing Gun like this is so much unfamiliar to him—he’s not mad, his eyes aren’t squinting and he’s smiling at him—it feels genuine and Off hasn’t realized yet that he likes this side of Gun.

“You’re crazy”

“So you are, but we’re strangers right now, and we won’t know each other tomorrow, so might as well be crazy all night, right?”

Off’s clearly amused with Gun’s sudden change of character. Gun wasn’t also sure why he keeps on telling words without thinking. It’s as if someone’s trying to control his actions and he couldn’t get hold of himself, there’s a small voice at the back of his head, telling him to run and go away from Off, but his body won’t move according to his will, and so as his lips won’t cooperate with his mind

“Are we, starting right now?” Off said, as he took another sip from his drink. He might be desperate enough to talk to someone right now that he even agreed to Gun.

“Well, I guess yes” Gun rested his right arm on the handle of the bench. Now that he said yes, he knows that there’s no turning back anymore. Off also did the same, resting his arm on the side of the bench, sitting comfortably before talking, forgetting about the fresh purple bruise on the side of his lips.

“Hi, who are you, stranger?”

* * *

_Off took his phone and starts looking for Jennie’s number. He would like to talk to her regarding what happened earlier. He’s staying at the Students’ Affair Office but he doesn’t care at all. He excused himself so he could go to the toilet. When he saw her number, he immediately dialed her and it didn’t take her long to answer his call._

_“Off, why did you call?”_

_“Um, Sis can you be considerate about Gun’s grades?” Off bit his lips, he was guilty about what he did to Gun and he couldn’t forget about what New told him earlier. He heard a chuckle from the other line, he knows that Jennie’s mocking him._

_“Seriously? Did you call me just to ask for this? I thought you would like me to pick you at the OSSA?”_

_“Well that’s the next thing I’ll ask you to do for me”_

_“Is this how you treat your cousin now? You’re clearly using your connection Off”_

_“Come on, this is the first time I asked you something like this” Off waited for his cousin’s reply but she won’t talk anymore “Hey, sis!”_

_“Call me Ms. Panhan”_

_“Geez, sis, this is a private conversation, why do I need to call you Ms. Panhan?” Off isn’t used to call his cousin with honorifics whenever they’re together. There were always close, and it feels weird for him to call her Ms. that’s why he rarely talks to her when they’re at school and talk privately instead._

_“No miss, no consideration”_

_“Ms. Panhan, please be considerate enough”_

_“Okay”_

_Jennie cut the call. She couldn’t believe that her cousin will do this to save Attaphan from his failing grades. Off never did that to anyone for he never dared to care about the others except for the people included on this list that he treasures._

_And now, maybe, there’ll be another one to be added on that list._


	10. Chapter 9

Saturday evening, just a week before the final exam and most of the students are busy reviewing their notes, stressing out because of lots of things to be done, running after the professors just so they’ll be able to catch up for the long overdue activities. Off was supposed to do the same too, but he’s now inside his car, looking at the rear-view mirror, checking if his passenger is fine whilst sleeping peacefully.

He’s on his way to pick up Arm for they also need to work for some kind of stuff related to acad. He may be a problematic shit most of the time, a jerk who knows nothing but to handle things on his own, but he never did use his connections for personal reasons—even if he’s the cousin of one of the most respected professors of their school, or even a son of a wealthy man.

Off isn’t that showy type of student. He may look like he doesn’t care at all, running from bar after bar, drinking whenever he wants to, doing things that a normal student wouldn’t do. But Off’s actually quite smart—he never failed any course in his program, and he never got grades lower than 2.00, which is often impossible if you’re an architecture student who sometimes skips classes just to get enough sleep.

After the incident between him and the varsity players, Off had been talking with Gun secretly every after-class hour, mostly when the sun sets and no one’s watching. He isn’t actually sure why they ended up staying at the school backyard which used to be his own place—he was so used to being alone thereafter Mang Natoy left the school and it’s been a long time since he had someone to talk with about his issues.

During mornings, they act as if they’re tom and jerry, whining and getting into each other’s nerves on weekdays, but when the clock strikes at 7:00 pm, it feels like they’re being possessed by some kind of spirit that they won’t talk about the things they’ve done to each other during the morning, and instead, they’ll talk about how was the day gone through, how are they feeling, or if they’re fine. It may be weird, but Off enjoyed it a lot. He likes how Gun annoys him, and Gun’s annoyed face is somewhat like a reward for him too.

Off found himself smiling with the thoughts about Gun but he instantly shoos them off. For some reason, the kid reminds him so much of the old man who used to act like his father. He isn’t even sure why he keeps on thinking about it for the past few days, but the more he talks to Gun, memories with the Mang Natoy keeps on resurfacing and he couldn’t help but miss the man.

Few more minutes of honking his horns, he eventually reached his destination.

“Hey, I’ll get in first, you stay here ok? Don’t move, don’t get out, don’t piss on my car or I’ll throw you. Understood?” Off said, pointing a finger to his passenger as if it’ll answer him back. Off pat it’s head, and finally went out of the car

Off’s like a son for Arm’s family already. They’ve known each other since diapers, so it was no surprise that Arm’s mom greeted him with a warm smile the moment his feet touched their home. Arm’s family had always been warm and sometimes, Off couldn’t help but get envious. It’s true, that there were times Arm gets frustrated with how his family pushes him to do better, especially when it comes to business, but it’s a normal matter and Arm knows too that it was for the sake of his future, since he’s the eldest child of the family. At the end of the day, Arm will still get home, feeling warm greetings from his loving parents.

“Mrs.Chansook, good evening”

“Good evening dear, Arm has been waiting for you to pick them up”

“Ah, yes. I needed to run some errands earlier that’s why I was a bit late”

“He’s upstairs, you can go and get him, then let’s eat dinner first before both of you leave”

Off nods before he ran towards Arm’s room. Off didn’t knock at the door anymore, instead, he barges in as if he’s the owner of the place. He saw Arm sitting casually on his single sofa next to his window, with a smile plastered on his face, giggling as if being tickled. It was a weird sight for Off since it’s rare for him seeing Arm being like this. It seems like Arm hasn’t realized that he’s already inside his room for his friend doesn’t even bother throwing him glances. Off lost it when Arm place his phone on his chest, moving his shoulders up and down, eyes closed and cheeks flushed.

“What the fuck are you doing Arm?” Off said, in between his laughter. Arm jolted upon hearing his friend’s voice.

“How long have you been watching”

“Since you we’re giggling until now”

“What the hell? Why didn’t you knock?”

“When did I ever knocked?”

Arm couldn’t help but facepalm. He felt embarrassed but at the same time, a bit thankful that it was Off who saw him, instead of his mom because he knows that she will start interrogating him.

“Who is it this time, Arm?”

Arm doesn’t need to explain anymore to Off. One glance and the latter is already aware that someone got his attention. Arm could be like Off sometimes, who’s always up for open relationships and flirting, but he couldn’t deny that Arm is the most serious person in their circle when it comes to love, not because he’s a hopeless romantic, but because he was raised by a loving family who will come after him once he hurt someone. Arm has an invisible line that divides love from a past time, and once he’s into someone, it can be clearly shown in his face.

“You know her”

“I didn’t ask if I know her or not, give me the name”

“Alice”

“Oh” Off chuckled before hitting Arm’s shoulder, “You need to be careful bro. The midget is cranky”

Arm stared at him for a moment, thinking who’s person Off’s pertaining to. Until he realized that it was Gun, then he laughed making Off confused.

“Why are you laughing? Midget sounds nice, right? It suits him”

“You know, he’s only like that when it comes to you, Off” Arm starts typing a message to Alice, stating that he needs to do something and they should just talk later. He then stood up facing his closet to get his wallet, “He’s so reserved when it comes to us but, being with you is a different story”

“Prolly because I’m the only one who dares to call him midget”

“Have you heard of the saying, the more you hate, the more you love?” Arm said, with a teasing smile on his lips, “I won’t be surprised if one day, you’ll run after him, but he’ll reject you because of your shits”

“Well, I don’t actually hate him. I just love to piss him off, so it’ll be impossible to like him”

Arm shrugged his shoulders then took his steps to his door, “Ok if you say so. You better hurry or else, Tay will throw tantrums”

Arm may not say it to Off, but he was actually worried about his friend’s romantic relationships. He’s been friends with him for a long time, but Off never had any serious relationship before. Sometimes he thought that it was because of Off’s family history, about how his parents end up being separated a few years after their marriage, but Arm never asked him about it. He knows it’ll be a sensitive topic for Off.

“Your mom said, we should eat first”

“Then we should go down before the food gets cold”

* * *

_“Sophomore! Come back here!”_

_Off ran fast whilst watching how a professor ran after him. It didn’t take him long to get away from the chase for he knows where to hide. Off jumped over the small fence, and find his way to the school backyard where he saw Mang Natoy, eating bread casually in between playing his ukulele._

_He walked towards the man, listening to how his hands play through the strings of the instrument. He wasn’t fond of any instrument before, but listening to Mang Natoy every day usually made his day a little bit better._

_“What have you done this time, Off?” The man threw his glance at Off with his fingers still on the strings, “You’re here again to hide, don’t you?”_

_“Guess, sir” Off said, with a smirk on his lips, clearly challenging the man._

_Mang Natoy stopped playing and stared at him for a few minutes to observe Off. His hair was messy, his sleeves crumpled, his collar stained with red, and his shirt’s first and second buttons were left unbuttoned. Mang Natoy smiled before he continued playing the instrument._

_“So, who’s the unlucky girl, kid?”_

_“Huh? How did you know?” Off scratched his nape, with a little smile on his lips._

_“I’m almost forty, old enough to know about kids’ lustful acts”_

_Off sat next to him, staring at the tree with pink flowers blooming, shading the seat from the sun. Off’s smirk turned into a smile, remembering about how he had an early make-out session at the locker room and how they were caught by one of the professors. He shook his head, remembering how nervous he was earlier, but he couldn’t lie that the scene’s a bit fulfilling for his part, probably because he had a good kiss to start the day, or because of how the professor looked devastated while running after him._

_“I don’t know her, we just kissed”_

_“That’s sad to hear from you”_

_“It’s actually enjoying though, the thrill almost killed me”_

_“Really? But until when are you going to enjoy that kid? It wouldn’t last long until you find another random girl, you’ll kiss”_

_Off was silenced upon hearing those words. Mang Natoy is a kind man, but there are just really times that his words are too sharp for him to handle, he doesn’t have breaks when it comes to stating facts, often blunt about his stands and he was thankful for that. But there moments that he didn’t, like now, when he’s just clearly playing around, but the man killed his joy._

_“Way to ruin my happiness, Sir”_

_“You sure you’re happy?”_

_“You’re talking to me as if were just of the same age”_

_Both of them chuckled. It was true that the man often talks to him as if he’s matured enough to understand things. But Mang Natoy knows that a kid like Off doesn’t need any filler at all. He doesn’t need to strain his words for Off is the kid who doesn’t like sugar coating, though there are times that he knows that his words might trigger or hurt the boy, he prefers telling him words that suit his way of thinking and comprehension, rather than sweet talks._

_“Don’t you like it? me being blunt, talking as if we’re close friends?”_

_“I do” Off pinch a piece on the older’s bread and ate it, “And I was grateful to find a father-like friend like you”_

_“Son, you shouldn’t rely so much on someone like me. I don’t walk the talk and I’m not sure until when I’ll be staying here. You see, I also have a family, and one of these days, I might go back to them”_

_Off heard these words from the man for so many times already, but Off never did listen to him. The older had always been on his side since he started studying at the place and it never crossed his mind that there’ll be a time that he’ll leave him, so instead of worrying about it, he just shrugged his shoulders and didn’t mind the man’s reminders_

_“You should get a girlfriend or a boyfriend at least, Off”_

_Off looked at Mang Natoy, confused. The man never asked him about his relationships with anyone, though they sometimes talk about his night outs and how he gets to pin girls on the bed, Mang Natoy never told him about his side comments regarding his love life, that’s why he couldn’t help but wonder why he’s telling this to him right now._

_“What’s gotten into you, Sir?”_

_Mang Natoy had been observing Off since they’ve met and it was easy for him to read Off, probably because he has a son of almost the same age as him. He knows lots of things about the boy and he was aware of the things he’d been doing just to redirect his thoughts about his problems. Off might be a rebellious kid on the outside, but the older knows that the kid just needs someone to be always on his side to trigger his soft spot. Mang Natoy would lie of he will say that he could handle Off on his own because he couldn’t do that, and he can’t help but worry about him once he leaves the city. Off may have close friends, but he rarely opens up to them._

_“You see, everybody needs someone to lean on sometimes”_

_“I don’t need to be in a relationship just so I wouldn’t be alone. I have my friends, and I have you too.”_

_“But I might leave soon and you always choose your words when you’re with your friends”_

_“You aren’t leaving yet, so stay until then”_

_Off bit his lower lip, he doesn’t like what he’s hearing from the old man. The ukulele lying on the space in between them has been long forgotten and he somewhat regretted staying in the backyard for today._

_Mang Natoy tapped Off’s shoulder. He can understand Off right now for he’s feeling the same thing. He already gets attached to the boy and if only he could get a chance to bring him to his hometown, he’ll do so. But Off isn’t an orphan whom he can bring to any place he would like to, he’s not some kind of kid on the street which he could offer home or place to live. Off’s actually nowhere in between being poor or rich, for he could be a standard of someone who lives in luxury, something which is far different from the two of them. And if there’s something which he could offer to the boy, it’ll be his presence at times when he needed someone the most, but there are some things which don’t permit him to stay with the kid forever._

_“Off, I always say this to my son. Everyone has their own invisible line which they call comfort zone, including you. You need to step out of it and be courageous. Don’t keep everything to yourself once I’m nowhere to be found in the school anymore”_

_“Do you really want me to be in a relationship? Would you like me to have my own child before you leave? You’re too serious”_

_The man chuckled with what he heard from Off. Off on the other hand said those words to lessen the heavy atmosphere at the place. He thought it’ll be too early to be dramatic and the day is still young for him to bawl his eyes out because of the man’s simple reminders._

_“I don’t want another headache. I just want someone whom you’ll find comfortable to talk things with, just like what we usually do”_

_“That’ll be impossible, no one could handle my antics just the way you handle them”_

_“There’ll be someone Off, believe me. There’ll be someone who will find you just like the way I did”_

* * *

_Gun has been staring at the small white Maltese playing around the shop. He can’t help but be awed with the way she ran at the place, playing with the pets of other clients, not minding her legs which are still recovering. It’s been days since they first saw her lying on the side of the street and seeing the dog right now makes his heart happy._

_The shop he’s been working for had been busy these days and there are times that he needs to place the dog in a cage to accommodate other’s pets which will be using the rooms or complex. He could hear whimpers from the dog, but he was actually thankful enough to his boss for letting the dog stay at the shop for a while. He couldn’t bring him to their home for his mom doesn’t like dogs and is actually allergic to fur. Though it’s rare for his mom to go home, still, he couldn’t take the risk. But today, Ms. Godji humble asked him to take the dog with him for the shop’s getting more clients already, and although she’s so small, the room for her could still be given to others and now, Gun couldn’t help but wonder who will take care of her._

_“Gun, I’m so sorry. I hope you can understand”_

_Gun just smiled at Ms. Godji, who’s obviously looking guilty. She may not tell it, but she actually got attached to the puppy too, though she couldn’t take care of her anymore for she already had lots of pets at home and her boyfriend Mike already had enough of them._

_“If you want, we can surrender her to an animal shelter”_

_“No need to worry Ms. I’ll be able to find her a place to stay with”_

_After they saw Bibi on the streets, Gun tried to look for the owner of the puppy with the help of Ms.Godji. He thought that the dog has an owner, but to no avail, no one tried to contact them. He asked his friends already if they would like to adopt a dog, but Alice and Oab declined so as New, saying that he also has snow and he couldn’t take one anymore. But Gun doesn’t want to surrender him to any animal shelter for he’s afraid of some stories he heard before from his friend in town, saying that animals could be euthanized when no one adopted them and Gun couldn’t imagine the fluff ball dying just because no one applied to adopt her._

_“If you say so. Tell me if you need some help regarding the papers if you changed your mind”_

_Gun just nodded, but he knows he wouldn’t change his mind anymore. He waited until his boss was nowhere in his sight and took out his phone. There’s still one person which he wasn’t able to contact, although he thought that it’ll be impossible for that person to talk to him during broad daylight, they can still talk in the evening, and that’s the only opportunity that he has to take._

_From: Gun_

_To: Off_

_See me later at 7:00 at the same place. I need to tell you something_

_Message sent_

* * *

_Off’s about to enter the gate of the parking lot of their school when he saw Gun waving his hand on the side of the street with a big bag pack. He stopped for a while and Gun immediately run after him, knocking on his window, so he opened it._

_“Can I get inside your car?”_

_“What? why? You should have just waited at the backyard, and what’s with your big bag?”_

_“Cut the questions and just let me in, I’ll tell everything later”_

_Off couldn’t do anything but unlock his car door for Gun and he immediately went in with his car at the parking lot. After parking, Gun immediately went out and ran at their meeting place, leaving Off confused with the shorter’s actions but he’s been hiding his smile upon seeing how Gun ran carefully, not shaking his bag. He doesn’t know what he’s up to, but the boy looks like a turtle for him._

_Off followed afterward at the place, his fingers playing with the key of his car. He went inside the backyard and immediately saw Gun, talking with his bag as if it was a living thing._

_“Midget, what the hell is wrong with you?”_

_Gun flinched when he heard Off’s voice, he swallowed despite not having anything in his mouth. He’s a bit nervous because of what he has inside his bag._

_“Off! come here fast”_

_Off felt nervous with how Gun’s been acting. He doesn’t know what’s wrong but it’s clear that something’s bugging the boy, so Off walk faster and sat next to him. Gun looked around before facing Off. He doesn’t want to shock him, so he already practiced the words he would like to say to Off and fillers that he may use in order to persuade him—he’s been praying since earlier, that the puppy will be able to have a new owner._

_“How was your day?”_

_“I’m good, I guess, but are you sure that’s the reason why you asked me to come here?”_

_“No—I mean yes of course”_

_“liar”_

_Off grabbed Gun’s bag. He knows that Gun wouldn’t give it to him so he took the opportunity when the boy’s not holding on to his bag. Off was surprised when he saw the dog inside the bag and Gun couldn’t do anything but facepalm for his plans were already ruined._

_“What the fuck? Why is Bibi inside your bag?” Gun stayed silent as he watched Off handled the puppy in his hands carefully. Off saw the bandage on her legs, so he tried not to touch it._

_Off sometimes visits the pet shop to check on the puppy without telling Gun. He wasn’t fond of animals, but seeing the small puppy recovering could easily smile at him. There were times that he’ll come with New on random days to buy food or toys for snow and play with Bibi. He hates to admit it, but he already got attached at some point with the dog, especially since he knows that he’s with Gun when they found her._

_“So, this is the reason why you were waiting for me outside because you know you couldn’t get her inside the school, right” Gun nodded his head slowly, waiting for a negative reaction from Off. “You’re crazy, it would have been bad for her staying inside that little space”_

_“You said it was big”_

_“Yes, it was, but not for a dog”_

_Gun smiled upon hearing those words from Off. He thought that he’ll get mad at him for he got the dog in his car again, just like he did before when they first saw the puppy, but to his surprise, Off was actually worried about the dog._

_“Nice you named her already since the first day you saw her right. Congratulations! she’s now yours!”_

_“What the hell are you talking about?”_

_Gun closed his eyes and clenched his fist before talking. “Please adopt her, I don’t know what to do with her anymore. The shop’s getting busy already and no one would like to take her. I don’t want to surrender her in an animal sanctuary because I’m afraid for her safety. I couldn’t bring her home, my mom’s allergic to fur”_

_“You think I’ll adopt her?” Off smirked, whilst watching the puppy on his lap, play with his fingers “I can’t and I won’t”_

_“But Off, don’t you feel bad for her? She doesn’t have a home, no one loves her, no one will take care of her and she might be abandoned once again? You’re the only one who can save her”_

_Off bit his lips—home, love, care, abandoned. Those words felt like sharp knives hitting him. He doesn’t know why he was affected, but for some reason, the puppy reminded him of what he is. He has the house, but he couldn’t even call it home, he doesn’t know if someone will love him, there are only a few who really care for him, and he was abandoned by his mom too—save, that’s the only appealing word that he heard._

_“How will I save her when I couldn’t even save myself?” Off mumbles softly._

_“What did you say?” Gun gets closer to him to hear his words clearly._

_“I can’t keep her”_

_“You can, I trust you, that’s why I brought her with me”_

_The truth is, Gun just wanted someone to take care of the dog, and Off never crossed his mind. But seeing how careful Off handles Bibi, he felt like Off would be a great owner. He’s worried, for he doesn’t even know if Off had a pet before, but he could feel like he can entrust the puppy with him._

_“If you want, just be a foster parent for her until I find someone who’ll like to have her”_

_“Foster parent?”_

_“Yeah, someone who acts like a father or owner for pets which are abandoned”_

_Mang Natoy’s face flashed at the back of his mind, smiling, calling him son whilst playing with his ukulele as he sang random songs. He doesn’t know that a dog could make him remember about the man who used to be his father for years._

_“Hey, you’re smiling! Are you going to keep her?” Off didn’t realize that he’s smiling because of the memory he had remembered. Mang Natoy surely left a mark on his system._

_“I guess, being a foster parent sounds nice”_

_“Are you going to stay long?”_

_“I need to do something; I won’t stay long”_

_Gun just gave Off a smile with his dimples visible on both of his cheeks. He didn’t know it’ll be easy for Off to agree with him about Bibi, but he’s thankful for he doesn’t need to worry about the puppy anymore—he knows that Off will do good._

* * *

“I feel like my stomach’s about to explode” Off said, rubbing his stomach whilst taking their way

“You finished three bowls of rice, what would you expect?” Arm’s a few steps away from him. He’s on his way to the passenger’s seat like where he usually sits. He doesn’t know why but there are times when he could get car sick whenever he sat on the shotgun seat of the car.

“Walk faster, Off. It’s getting late. Tay might be heading to sleep already. You know how hard it is to wake him up”

Off just rolled his eyes and let Arm reach his car. Arm opened the car door and a puppy jumped out and ran towards Off’s direction, wagging her tail upon seeing her new owner.

“What the hell? Why is there a dog in your car?”

Off smiled, picked up the puppy, and held her in his arms, slowly brushing his fur with his fingers.

“She’s Bibi, and I'm her foster parent”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for the very late update. I was busy these past few days and I had moments to take care of. Thank you very much for reading this fanfic :))


	11. Chapter 10

“What do you mean you ran away from home?”

Gun offered some chips to Off and the latter gladly got some on his hands.

“I need to be a good parent for my kid”

“You have a kid?”

“I have Bibi”

Gun’s eyes widened because of what he heard from Off. He didn’t expect that he’ll get to hear those words from the boy who always act like a problematic kid. He wasn’t aware that Off will show this soft side of him. He has a canned beer in his hand, casually drinking it whilst staring at the sky slowly turning into dark hues from shades of yellow and orange.

“Don’t stare at me like that. Dad doesn’t like her, but I promised to keep her safe until you found her a place to stay” Off chuckled as his lips touch the cold tin can, tasting the bittersweet taste of his beer he was able to keep inside his bag. His eyes still fixed on one of the stars twinkling brightly at the sky as the clouds pass by on it

Gun feels bad about it. He shouldn’t have dragged Off on this. If it wasn’t because of him, the boy beside him won’t be thinking too much about how he’ll be able to take care of the dog which wasn’t his, to begin with. Aside from that, Off wouldn’t be worried about how he’ll be able to live alone in a place with which he isn’t familiar.

“Hey, I’m doing good. Are you worried?”

“Well, you wouldn’t be drinking right now if it wasn’t for me”

Off turned his gaze to Gun who’s hugging both of his knees. The smaller’s back slowly bent and his head resting above his knee whilst staring at him. Off knitted his brows with the face Gun is making right now. He doesn’t want him to feel bad. In contrast with what Gun was thinking, Off felt at ease when he got to leave their house.

“You know I’m always drinking. There are only some nights when I’m sober”, Off touches Gun’s head and slowly tapped it, feeling the soft hair of the boy beside him, “I never liked our house anyway so it doesn’t really matter”

Gun dropped his legs on the ground. The taller’s hand still on his head. This is just one of the nights when Off randomly plays with his hair and he’s already getting used to it. For some reason, Off’s actions remind him of his dad—something that makes him feel happy and sad at the same time.

“I never thought you’ll like her this much”

“Who?”

“Bibi. You like her too much to the point you even chose her over your dad” Off smiled, slowly removing his hand from Gun’s head. He rested his arm on the side of the bench and leaned his back.

“It’s not that I like her so much. I just think she doesn’t deserve to be treated badly”

Off wasn’t actually sure why he’s doing this. Honestly speaking, he doesn’t like any animals and he doesn’t even get to have any pets before. The first time Off saw the dog, he has no idea how to take care of it, he wasn’t even sure what food to give her or how to bathe her but Off slowly grew fond of her without him realizing it.

No matter how crazy it may seem, Off found himself and Bibi a bit similar—lost, tired, and wanted to be love. Just like her, Off’s just as small as a pebble in this world and he just hopes that someone might be treating him just the way he’s treating her right now. It may sound weird, but Off felt a bit envious with the thought that he’s acting like a father when his own dad couldn’t even get to do the same thing to him.

“Do you always fight with your dad?”

“We only fight if he wants to”

“If he wants to or if you’ve done something bad?”

“He never saw me doing anything good at all”

Gun felt like he hit the nail too strong for he saw the bitter smirk on Off’s lips. Well, most thought that Off never wore the helmet of maturity he should have worn since then, he’s usually labeled as someone a person should be warry off, someone that should be avoided but unlike everyone else thought he was, Off always avoid shits as much as possible. He never initiated fights or rumbles, he wouldn’t even care if someone talks badly about him, not even going to throw a glare unless he needs to—he always wanted peace, he would like his old man to be proud of him and to acknowledge his good deeds, avoiding every single bit of thing his father wouldn’t like him to do. It’s just that no matter what he does and no matter how he struggles, he gets nothing but hatred from his father in return. Maybe he got tired already so there are times when he plays around.

“Would you like to go somewhere?” Off asked out of nowhere after he threw the empty tin can of his beer

“Where?”

“Bibi” 

Then Off grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the backyard

* * *

_“This is fucking awkward”_

_“Not exactly the right spot for three guys to have a casual dinner”_

_Off hissed the moment they arrived inside a new restaurant which Tay would like to try. It looks like a usual—aesthetic scene, well-designed tables, and chairs, a well-lined menu. But what makes it awkward is the number of customers, acting all giddily and in love. Arm even acted like he wants to throw up and Tay just hit his shoulders with his hand._

_“I should have brought Hin here”_

_“Yeah, should have dragged him here and not us because seriously speaking Tay, I just wanted to rest for a while,” Arm said as he walked inside the restaurant and look for an empty table, “My parents won’t even let me leave the office table!”_

_They haven’t been out for a while for casual dinner and when Off said he would like to go out—without booze—Tay immediately thought of the restaurant. There was nothing special about it, but Tay already developed a habit of trying every new restaurant in town. Aside from that, there’ll be a huge discount for the place had only been running for days._

_“We’ll get a free meal though”_

_“Free meal my ass” Off just followed Arm who is now casually sitting on his seat whilst being served by one of the staff._

_They waited for few moments for their orders and like what Tay told earlier, they’ll be having a free plate. It wasn’t that much but at least, they got something from watching the different couples surrounding their table. Off can’t help but scratch his temple from time to time whenever his eyes catch some lovely moments from the other customers, not because he’s bitter that he’s single, but maybe because he finds it cringy that people can’t be a bit private about dating._

_“Are you going to eat or are you just going to stare at those couples like a creep?” Tay chuckled when he heard Arm. He then lifted his spoon full of meal and offer it to his friend._

_“Come on peng, would you like me to feed you?”_

_Off didn’t answer and gave his friend a death glare but Tay seemed to be enjoying the tease, “Open your mouth, here’s the airplane”_

_“The hell are you doing Vihokratana?”_

_Both Tay and Arm’s laugh echoed inside the restaurant catching almost everyone’s attention. Off felt embarrassed with his friends but he eventually showed a smile after few hits he got from the two._

_“Feisty bastards,” he said whilst trying a piece of finger food Tay ordered._

_“So, what was the reason why you called us?”_

_“Spare me a room,” Off said without second thoughts. It wasn’t the first time Off asked for a room. He usually talks about it with his friends and they’re actually sued to it already._

_“For fuck purposes? You can just rent a room in a hotel for the night” Arm replied whilst munching his food, “I can’t offer any room to you because you’re a messy fucker”_

_“No, I’ll be leaving the house”_

_Tay and Arm choked on their food because of what Off said. What’s surprising about this is Off acts like he’s just talking about a thing that usually happens to him. The thing is Off never talked about leaving their house although he’s always on the negative side of his father._

_“You’re kidding” Tay blurted, smirking in disbelief but he just saw Off’s serious face and he immediately cleared his throat—he’s sure now that Off isn’t joking_

_“I’m not. I’m serious. Should we guys just live together?” Off asked seriously and both of his friends couldn’t believe it_

_“Wait, what’s your reason?”_

_Arm moved closer after Tay asked the question. Well, he would like to ask it too since Off seemed to be so decided of his words. It was something unusual. Their friend could be random at times but not with topics like this and Off never opened this topic to them._

_“Well suddenly, I’m a parent”_

_“What the fuck, did you knock off someone? Dude, you’re in danger. Your father won’t like it, how can you be so stupid?”_

_In a split second, Tay felt Off’s hand hit his head leaving Arm laughing on his seat because of the chaotic view of his friends. The lovely atmosphere of the place has long forgotten and it felt like they’re the only ones inside the place._

_“You’re the stupid one”_

_“Says by you who got someone pregnant”_

_“It’s about the dog, right?” Arm said and his eye immediately caught Tay’s attention, “I knew your father won’t like a walking cotton ball in his house”_

_“A dog? You have a dog?”_

_“She’s not mine, I’m just a foster parent”_

_Tay starting laughing hysterically from a new information he got. Well, never in his whole life that he imagined Off with a dog since he wouldn’t even touch New’s pet. He could even remember how irritated he was before when New requested to go to the vet before, saying that the dog’s fur will stay inside his car. He wasn’t able to do anything about it anyway since Off still drove New at the place._

_“Since when?”_

_“He’s been hanging out with his dog for almost a week. He’s just lucky that his father was out for days so he was able to let the dog in” Arm answered the question for Off_

_“You’re hanging out with a dog? Is that the reason why you’ve been missing for days?”_

_“You know what, I just don’t want to see you these days that’s why. I wasn’t missing, I’m just tired of seeing your face”_

_Arm and Off gave a heartfelt laugh at Tay. It was like the usual days when they’re staying at the school and enjoying class hours before they found themselves inside a bar, hitting on every girl they can see—well that was before because for some reason, the three of them seemed busy these days and they just rarely visit bars._

_“Is it true? You’re really leaving your house?” Tay asked him with furrowed brows_

_“I will”_

_“That’s why we should leave together. In a dorm or anything and he’ll agree for sure”_

_Tay and Arm looked at each other as if they already know what’s the next thing to happen and both said in unison “No!”_

* * *

“He’s not answering”

Oab sighed from what Alice said. They’ve been calling Gun for a while already since they would like to invite him to dinner. They called him earlier to ask where he was and Gun said he’ll be staying in school late for he would like to work on some tasks in advance, which isn’t actually unusual for him since he always does that

“Try it again”

“Oab, I’ve been calling him for a while now and he’s not picking up. He must be busy”

It’s probably a bad idea that they didn’t ask him if he can eat dinner with them. They would just like to hang out with him for a while since Gun rarely goes out.

“We should go around and look for him instead”

Oab didn’t wait for Alice answer and starts walking. Alice just followed his quietly thinking if she should start a conversation with him or not. Oab seemed to be serious looking for their friend and honestly, he’s been watching his every action since they’ve got to know each other.

Both of them roam around the whole campus. They checked every place where they would be able to see Gun—the canteen, the Office, the library and even the laboratories just to find him but to no avail. Oab even tried to message Gun but he wasn’t even replying until Alice got tired already and find a place where she could sit and take a rest for a while.

“Let’s rest for a while” Alice suggested as she sat on the stone bench located at their open area. This is actually the best place on their campus because they can have a wide view of the students walking around. Aside from that, since it is an open area, it’ll be easier for them to spot Gun in case he walks around.

Seeing how exhausted Alice looks, Oab move closer to sit next to her, watching how students pass together with their classmates and friends. It’s getting late already so it’s given that there are fewer students than usual.

“Have you ever wondered why Gun’s so reserved?” Alice asked him without looking. Oab looked at her for a while before, curious as why his friend asked it, “It’s been months right? But it feels like he still couldn’t trust us that much”

Oab smirked at what he heard, he starts to play swing his feet like a kid whilst sitting, “Do you trust me?”

“I do of course”

“Really, then tell me all of your secrets” For a second, Alice thought that she’ll choke from what Oab said, but she then tried to compose herself.

“What secret?” she said stuttering which makes him

“You’re dating Arm, right?” Alice looked at him shocked when she heard Arm’s name from his friend, Oab chuckled upon seeing her reaction and slowly tapped her shoulder, “Sorry, you got busted”

“We aren’t dating”

“Your reaction says otherwise”

“No, we aren’t I swear”

“You said you trust me, right? Is it one of your secrets?” Alice became quiet with Oab’s question. She spaced out for a couple of seconds before she subconsciously nods, “Alice, it’s not Gun doesn’t trust it. Maybe, there are things he would like to keep because he still isn’t ready to tell us things about him”

He’s an observant person—well he had always been. Oab might be the kind of person who’s usually childish but he’s surely the most rational one in their circle. He might look like he doesn’t care and often teases Alice and Gun but he could tell if something’s up or something’s happening about the two. And although Oab already knew things, he keeps his lips still until his friends are ready to talk about it—everyone has their own privacy; that’s what he always keeps in mind. Curiosity shouldn’t be an excuse to trespass anyone.

Oab kicked the small stone on the ground, his eyes followed where it’ll go until he can’t see it anymore. Alice did the same, swinging her feet as if a kid waiting for her parents to arrive. The truth is, she still isn’t dating Arm but he won’t deny that there are times when they went out together for a couple of drinks or dinner. She would have told it to her friends but for some reason, whenever she would like to, she ends up biting her tongue until she couldn’t tell it to them anymore—as if she’s keeping something from them without realizing it. There she thought that maybe, like Gun, there are really things which she still isn’t ready to tell.

“I have to tell you something”

Alice looked at Oab once again when she heard him speak. He’s smiling whilst looking from afar and so Alice’s eyes followed where he was looking. There, she saw Gun, running while being dragged by someone. She stared at those two because she couldn’t get to see the man holding Gun’s hand but when they passed under one of the light posts, she immediately stood up and ready to call her friend but Oab held her hand, signaling her to stop.

“Oab that was Gun!”

“Alice, I’ve been keeping this for a while now, but I can only tell it to you” She stared at him with a confused face, her brows knitting and her eyes keeps on going back and forth from Oab to Gun

“Just tell me now because Off’s about to kidnap Gun!”

“He’s not going to kidnap him. They’re obviously going somewhere together” Alice looked at Gun once again and there she saw how Gun smiled whilst running with Off until she couldn’t see them anymore. She then felt Oab tightening his grip in her hand,

“I think I like Gun, Alice”

She may be a brat and slow but she isn’t stupid. She knows what Oab means to say and his actions say that he’s being serious right now. Alice just scratched her temple and teasingly slapped Oab’s shoulder.

“You know what, let’s not have dinner”

“Huh?”

“Let’s have a drink instead”

Then she pulls Oab from his sit, thinking— _Guess my friend’s love life will also be my problem._


	12. Chapter 11

“Tell me why are you here?”

Gun had been staring with his friend countless times already. She called her last night saying that she’ll visit him, during ungodly hours. He was so worried that he waited for her at the station until dawn. He has a class later yet she doesn’t know how to leave his friend

“I just missed you,” She said, munching on a cupcake that Gun offered to her, crumbs falling on her skirt whilst eating it.

“Just tell me, Mook. You wouldn’t leave our place if you just miss me”

Gun isn’t mad, more like he’s worried and confused. He had known his friend since diapers, make sense that he wouldn’t believe whatever she is saying. Her eyes, for some reason, are looking puffy, her lips look pale and her words, well, they don’t compliment her actions.

It wasn’t hard for him to tell that his friend is not well—if she’s sick, she acts as if her world’s about to end already as if it’d be her last day to live. She will say random goodbyes because that’s how overdramatic she is, but now, Mook seems to be different—too different that Gun doesn’t even know how to make her speak.

“Are you a doppelganger?”

“Wait, what? No!”

“You aren’t my friend, where is she?”

“Are you nuts?”

Mook chuckled, she ate the whole cupcake and drink the beverage in her glass. It’s six am in the morning and yet she’s already filling herself with tons of sweets. This is also one of the reasons why Gun doesn’t believe her no matter how many times she said that she’s fine. He wasn’t sure what’s stopping her to tell her the problem because she obviously has no matter how much she denies it.

“Why didn’t you come here with Toy?”

Mook almost chokes whilst drinking, she didn’t expect that Gun will ask about him.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m ok,” She said, wiping the beverage she spilled on their table, “I’m ok, Gun. I’m ok”

Gun stopped helping her and looked at Mook whilst she’s wiping the table with her own handkerchief. He didn’t expect that she’ll react like this because he said his name. Suddenly, she keeps on saying the words I’m ok—as if she’s telling it to please herself as if she’s making herself with the words she’s saying.

He should know, he had done this countless times already.

“Mook, you’re ok. Do you want more cupcakes?”

It was like a trigger word as if Mook’s been waiting for her cue from Gun before she finally burst into tears. Her tears started to trickle down her rosy cheeks. She had been crying for the whole night already, since she finds herself a sit on the bus, making sure that she won’t show how badly she’s hurt once she sees Gun. It wasn’t in her plan—as much as possible, Mook wouldn’t like to give Gun some headache and it’d be a hassle for you if she visits him, but then she found herself buying a bus ticket to Manila.

Gun really knows to burst her bubble. She thought she’s already done crying, but right now, she doesn’t know how to stop herself from crying because of what Gun said. She feels ok—she feels better now that she’s facing her friend.

Mook broke down in tears, walked closer to Gun, and hug him. It was something that Mook didn’t expect she needed so much. Gun embraced her, brushing her soft hair with his fingers. It’s been a while since he saw her and Gun wouldn’t deny that he missed her so much—it’s just a shame that he got to him when she’s being like this

“What flavor do you like to have?”

“Strawberries”

Gun nodded slowly and pulled Mook’s chair closer to his before asking her to sit. People must be wondering why they’re being so dramatic this early morning, but Gun couldn’t care less—maybe, skipping two to three subjects wouldn’t hurt that much.

* * *

It’s chaotic…

The dorm they’re staying at has been so chaotic and Off kind of regretting it already that he wished his friends to stay with him even at least for a month before going back to their homes.

They’ve been friends for a long time but this is the first time for him to live with them and Off wouldn’t like this thing to be for long. He would lie if he will say that he isn’t enjoying the freedom that he’s experiencing right now, but still, the place has always been loud and he’s afraid that the landlord will throw them out of the place.

“This is relaxing. I never get to lie on the floor like this at home. It’s a good thing that two of our professors are absent. We were” Arm said, rolling on the floor. Off wasn’t sure why he’s always doing this every time they got back to their dorm. Tay on the other hand plays with him which usually starts the nonstop bickering of the two.

“Don’t dare, Tawan. I’m going to call New once you start”

It’s a never-ending threat, but at the end of the day, Off and Bibii will still be witnessing the live wrestling the two will show them. He wasn’t sure why they’re always like this but he loves it—but he doesn’t show it because there should be someone to stop the two.

“You’re so killjoy”

“Coming from you who always kills the fun whenever New is around”

Off just laughed and shook his head. Arm really knows how to shut Tay off. Well, not most of the time because he likes adding fuel to the fire, but whenever he starts to talk back to him, he makes sure that Tawan won’t be able to think of a good counter—not until now.

“At least I got the boy, what about you? When will you get Alice?”

“This is getting fun” for the first time, Off enjoyed their fight. It wasn’t that physical like the usual but it’s fun to watch them pissing each other because of their love life whilst they’re both sitting on the floor, giving sharp stares to each other.

“Why are you so invested?”

“Well, because it’s the first time you asked New about a gift,” Tay said, moving his eyebrows as if challenging Arm.

“It wasn’t for her”

“Oh? But I saw her holding the box earlier” Off said with a smirk on his lips

Both Off and Tay chuckled when Arm’s face blushed as he tried to defend himself from what Off said. This is the first time they see their friend being like this because of a girl. Off stood up and get some canned beers in the fridge and offered his friends some. He hasn’t been to bars these days, but he still makes sure that he got some to enjoy drinking at times like this. Sharing it with his friends surely makes the taste a little bit sweeter.

“Why don’t you just ask her?” Off opened his drink before continuing with what he is saying, “What makes you hesitate? I think she likes you too”

Arm paused with the question, crossing his legs and sit comfortably, “I don’t want her to think that I’m just playing around. I’m afraid she’ll think I’m being too fast”

“So, you really like her,” Tay said as he flicked Arm’s forehead with the latter easily rubbed, “That’s how felt when I realized I like Hin”

Off smirked with his friends’ sentiments. He had been thinking about this. He thought if it was possible for the three of them to fall for someone when the word ‘one-night fuckers’ had always been tattooed on their names. But then Tay fell for New, and now, Arm’s slowly following his footsteps. He wonders what he would feel if the same thing happens to him.

“Falling in love is such a headache” Off said whilst drinking his beer, “I can’t imagine myself acting like the two of you”

“Someone out there will soon to make your headache too” Tay replied

“Gun” both Arm and Off stopped drinking upon hearing Arm

“What about him?”

“Didn’t he visit here?”

“What? Did gun visit? When?” Tay asked, confused with the new information he heard from his friends.

“Not me, he visited Bibii” Off replied as he finished the whole can of beer without looking at his friends.

“Wow, you guys are getting closer huh? Are you planning to fuck him?”

“What?! No!” Off was caught off guard with the question from Arm. His friends were surprised by their friend’s reaction. It was the first time for Off to deny such a thing because his usual answers are ‘if he lets me’ or ‘yes of course’ but ‘No’ was never in the options.

“Chill, why are you so hyped?” Tay said whilst laughing but Off just rolled his eyes.

“Ok fine he’s not your type, no need to be mad”

They’re enjoying their drinks when suddenly, Bibii passed between them, carrying a shoe, slowly munching it. They didn’t react at first few seconds but when they realized whose shoe she’s playing with; Arm panicked, spilling his drink on the floor.

“Ohh” Off reacted, trying to stop himself from laughing with the devastating scene he’s seeing

“Ripped to your new Jordan, Arm” Tay said as he covered his mouth with his hands

“What the Hell!”

* * *

“Where have you been?”

Those were the first words Gun heard after facing Alice and Oab. The two were so serious interrogating him because this is the first time for Gun to skip classes and both of them never expected that this time will come.

“Something came up”

Gun walked fast to his seat, opened his bag, got his fillers, and start writing the lessons left on the board, not minding his classmates’ curious eyes. He doesn’t care since he knows how much he already missed the lessons because of spending some time with his friend.

“Guys, can I borrow your notes?”

“You know I never write notes, right?” Alice said, confused with how her friend is acting right now. This is the first time they saw him cramming but he’s too late already.

“Gun I’ll give you notes once I finish them, but we should leave now. The students from the pm session will be using the room” Oab feel worried about him. Gun didn’t leave any message for the whole day and now, he showed up after their last class.

“Let me finish this first, just give me at least three minutes”

Both Oab and Alice watched how their classmates bid goodbyes to each other. Some are still throwing gun glances, probably because they’re just as confused and Alice and Oab. Gun’s the top student in their block, he was never absent and get to attend school sometimes before the guards arrived even. This is an unusual event for them, all of them.

As Gun said, they waited for him until they heard the students outside the room. Oab tapped Gun’s shoulder and pointed the students lining at the door waiting for them to leave the room. Gun scratched his head and immediately packed his things, making sure not to leave anything on his table. He stood up and bowed his head as he walks out the door with his friends quietly following him

Gun’s so serious whilst walking. He wouldn’t even throw a glance at his friends, making the atmosphere awkward. He couldn’t feel it though; his mind’s wandering somewhere and he’s not even sure where his feet will lead him.

“Gun”

Oab and Alice stopped walking and watched his back. Gun couldn’t hear them at first call. Oab shook his head then run towards him and as soon he reached Gun, he placed his hand on his forehead to stop him from hitting the wall which is just a few inches away from Gun’s body. That time, Gun already got back to his senses after seeing the cold wall in front of him.

“This isn’t platforming 9 ¾ Gun. You’ll end up hurting yourself if you hit that wall”

It was a joke he pulled off to ease the awkwardness. Gun smiled and then closed his eyes whilst Oab’s hand is still placed on his forehead. He did it without thinking; it was his subconscious wanting to rest for a while, feeling the warmth of someone’s palm, making him feel safe. Oab was left staring at him. He didn’t even move for he could feel the heaviness of Gun’s head on his palm, as if he’s sleeping whilst standing, giving him his full trust that he wouldn’t let him fall.

Oab felt Alice’s presence next to him, smiling from ear to ear. He can feel that he’ll be teased so despite not wanting to interrupt Gun, he used his other hand and slowly tapped his shoulder, just strong enough for Gun to feel his touch, a few seconds and Gun finally opened his eyes and removed his hand placed on his forehead. He gave him a sweet smile though he could see the tiredness in his eyes

“Gun seems like you had a rough day,” Alice said, the three of them standing, facing the wall in the garden of their school. Gun roam his eyes and he didn’t know how they were able to get here—maybe because this is one of the places where people rarely get to visit in their school.

He saw her take her seat on the ground next to the large potted plant. She tapped the ground, obviously waiting for the two boys to sit next to her which the two did. She opened her bag, brought out some sweets, and offered it to them.

“Where did this come from?”

“I received them earlier from Arm”

Both Gun and Oab snickered at her. Alice just shrugged her shoulder then eat a piece of chocolate. The two just looked at her so she picked more chocolates and command them to open their hands, but the two failed to do so. Alice rolled her eyes, removed the wrapped of the chocolates, and feed them.

“Big babies” she commented, “We still aren’t dating if that’s what you would like to ask”

“Why not?” Gun managed to ask with his mouth full of chocolate Alice fed him.

“Seems like he doesn’t have any intention to date me” Alice picked another piece of chocolate in the box and unwrapped it, “I hate when a guy has the same I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude as I have. One of us gotta care and do the first move,” she said, making Oab and Gun chuckle in disbelief.

Alice also laughed at what she said. The boys knew her for months, and Oab for years even. He already knows how Alice handles relationship and he should say, Alice knows what she’s doing. Arm is indeed undeniably sweet and caring, but being a flirt had always been attached to his name. He may get anyone in just a night but not Alice. Well, Alice is the first person to receive something from the man but she still wonders why Arm isn’t making a move to hit on her. It’s not that she’ll agree to it tho, but she can’t help but think why Arm isn’t asking for it when he never hesitated to ask everyone.

“Anyway, this talk shouldn’t be about me, right? Tell us Gun, where have you been?”

The smile on Gun’s lips instantly faded but he knows that no matter how much he changes the topic, it’ll still go back to him.

He took a deep breath whilst both of his friends are waiting for the next words that will escape from his lips. He isn’t really sure how he’ll start talking but he should at least tell something to feed Alice and Oab’s curiosity.

“So why are you absent?” this time, Oab’s the one who asked the question.

“My friend visited me in our hometown. It’s been months of us not talking to each other so I decided to accompany her today”

“Despite knowing you have classes?” Alice isn’t buying it. She knows what kind of person Gun can be. He’s usually cold and it’s very hard to get his attention. His firm with his words and he always know which things should be prioritized. It’ll be hard to get his time, buying it even.

“She broke up with his boyfriend”

“Now it makes sense,” Oab said, slowly nodding his head with what Gun said. He knows Gun’s sweet spots. He couldn’t say no to his friends at times when their feelings are at stake.

“What’s the reason?”

“He’s hitting someone else”

“Douchebag” Alice crumpled the wrapper and placed it inside her bag because she feels lazy standing up to throw it, “I’m happy for her”

“Huh? You’re happy that they broke up?” Oab asked her and Alice nodded with a smile.

“I’m happy, she didn’t waste her time with him. Glad she isn’t stupid like most if they got to fell for someone”, she said munching another piece of chocolate.

“But I still feel bad about it. They’ve been together for more than a year”

“Geez, it’s actually good that they only lasted that long. You shouldn’t keep yourself in a shitty relationship just because you wouldn’t like to let go of the time you’ve spent together. That’s the most absurd excuse because you can always keep the memories even if you let go of the person. You should always do yourself a favor”

“Nice words, Miss Tsoi” Oab commented and the next thing he felt was Alice’s hands playfully hitting his arm.

“This is what I’ve been saying since then, our friend’s love life will also be our problems—and I’m seriously experiencing it right now”

“What were you saying?” Gun asked, Alice last words were so soft that both he and Oab wasn’t able to hear them well. Alice just shook her head and smile.

“I said, shouldn’t we go home already? The mosquitos are feasting my blood already”

Oab looked at his wristwatch and then picked up the trash from the chocolate they ate, “Yeah, we should head out now. It’s getting a bit late too”

They all stood up from their seats, wearing their bags. Oab helped Gun with his things and Alice just smiled secretly with the view she’s seeing.

“You should walk him home, Oab”

Oab looked at her with a what-the-hell-are-you-doing look, but Alice just pushed them away and run without saying goodbye, leaving all the trash in his hand.

Aob and Gun walked out of school. Alice definitely gave Oab a longer time. He wasn’t expecting this and walking Gun home is something that he should be thankful to him. He looked at Gun whose eyes are still nailed in the ground whilst walking. He knows something up; it wasn’t just about his friend. Gun wouldn’t look so down because he knew he did something for his broken, there’s something more but he doesn’t know if it’s fine to sound too curious about his life.

“Would you like to say something?”

Oab took a deep breath and smile before answering the little Gun, “I just feel like you haven’t told us everything, but it’s fine”

“Thank you Oab” Gun stopped walking and looked at him. He may not say it, but Gun’s thankful for Oab’s presence every time he’s feeling down. He couldn’t say everything to him yet, because he still isn’t sure of what to say. Gun’s still looking for answers and he would like Oab to feel bad about his overthinking.

“Whatever it is, just remember that I’m always here,” Oab said, placing his hand to Gun’s head as they continued walking, Gun completely forgetting about the things which have been distracting him

* * *

_“Are you really going home now?” Gun asked Mook. They had been together for the whole day and honestly, he didn’t expect that he’ll be missing his classes but it was worth it. He was able to enjoy it at least and also, he hasn’t seen her for a long time so that’s probably the reason why Gun end up forgetting about the time._

_“Thank you, Gun for everything” Mook gave him a last hug for today. He hugged her back and he heard her crying again. Gun faced her and then wiped her tears, “I missed you so much. I’ll be back here again not out of impulsiveness or because I’m broken-hearted. I’ll spend time with you more”_

_“Don’t cry. I don’t want to see you cry again”_

_Mook nodded, “Don’t forget to message me Gun, I’ll call you anytime you want”_

_Gun watched her walk until she stopped at the entrance of the bus, telling him something which might not be able to let him sleep for nights “Gun, I haven’t told you. Your mom has been going back and forth to our hometown. I’m not sure why or if you know it but he’s been visiting some man”_

_Mook said then the bus starts moving, leaving Gun’s feet nailed on the ground, watching the vehicle fade in his sight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year Everyone <3


	13. Chapter 12

“What do you mean she’s getting married?”

New almost choked when he heard his boyfriend’s reaction toward what Off had say. It’s almost midnight when he visited the dorm of the three with some bottle of good wines he took from his father’s collection. He knew he’ll get a good scold from his dad but he knew that they need it today for no specific reason.

“Why were you so shocked, she’s already on her right age to get married,” he said, whilst wiping the side of his lips.

“Is this for real?” Arm rested his elbow on Tay’s shoulder, facing Off with a cheeky smile, “Your favorite cousin will be married, surely, she’ll focus on her sweet husband rather than her troublesome cousin” he added whilst emphasizing the last words.

“Oh boy, you’ll be missing her” New smirked before taking a sip on his glass.

They were sitting on the cold floor with pillows around them, something which they’ve never done before. Tay and Arm are still lucky that their parents supported them with their “I-want-to-be-independent” reason of staying in a dorm with their friends, but not Off. His father suspended almost all of his cards except for one—which only has few dollars per month as his allowance—just enough for him to live and survive per month—also small enough for him to stop his vices.

He wasn’t that unlucky though. His favorite cousin, Jen, supported him all the way, making sure that he’ll get to eat on time and secretly sliding some bills in his bag which he only gets to discover every time he got home. But now that she said that she’ll get married, he can’t help but think that there’s a big chance of him not to see her more often.

“So, when is the wedding?” everyone looked at Off, waiting for his answer to Arm’s question. They saw how he sighed before answering

“This week”

Everyone fell quiet with what they’ve heard. It’s not that they’re against the wedding but they didn’t expect that it was too soon. They haven’t even seen her boyfriend yet and it makes sense why Off feels so bothered about it but he knows he couldn’t do anything for his cousin seems to be happy with her plans. Off’s friends know how close Off is to his cousin. Well, everyone knows how reserved he is, he only talks about his private life to few people and one of them will soon be creating her own family—facing her own problems with the help of her husband.

This means Off needs to set limits and be sensitive enough not to take her time.

“You ok?” Tay asked him, obviously worried about what is going in his head.

“Not really”

Off can feel the eyes of his friends fixed on him. He couldn’t believe that they were just teasing him earlier, now they look like they’re ready to find a baby sitter for him. He couldn’t help but smirk. He pulled his bag resting on the chair and pulled out the invitations Jen gave her earlier before he got home.

He gave one to Arm and Tay and the two immediately opened and read the invitation.

“You are invited to the wedding…”

“Bring your dates…”

Both of his friends looked at him with a confused face and Off just scratched his head. He’s been thinking about those special invitations given to them. He wasn’t sure when his cousin prepared those invitations but it was far different from the invitations received by the other attendees.

He should know since one of their professors was holding a different one earlier.

“Well, I can just bring New,” Tay said, unbothered as he stares at his boyfriend next to him.

“I don’t have a date,” Arm said, staring at Off because he knows that they have the same problem.

“Me too”

“Should we be each other's date instead?”

“She said she no” Off drink the remaining wine in his glass

“Arm, you have Alice, and for Off…” New touches his chin and then smiled, “You can just ask Gun”

Maybe it was a good thing that he brought some wine for tonight.

* * *

"Can I be alone?"

"No"

Off just scratched his head at what his cousin said. He had been begging her since earlier because he really couldn't think of anyone, he could bring with him. He also did not want to bring a stranger with him because it was an important day for his cousin. Tay told him that he could just find someone at the bar and then dress her up and take her to Jen's wedding as his plus one but Off has no intention of doing that thing.

"I don't have anyone with me as my date. I don't really talk to anyone, do I?"

Jennie just smiled and stroked her cousin's hair which was obviously having a problem because of his upcoming wedding. Jennie did not do this just to play with her cousin, she just thought it would be good if Off will introduce someone to them who can handle his cousin’s childish acts.

"Why not just Gun? Maybe he can join you"

"Wait, why Gun?"

"Oh, why not Gun? Instead, just bring someone. I know you don't want to, do you?"

Off could not believe what he was hearing. The last thing he remembers is that he even begged Jennie just to let Gun again catch up with his grades. Then now, she says that Gun can be his plus one.

"You know Off, he's a good boy. I think you get along"

"How did you say that, aren't you really strict in your class? Your students are afraid of you so it’s no surprise that he’s kind to you"

"Because you called me Ms. Panhan for him"

Jennie didn't say anything but she's secretly rooting for the kid.

She did not know what was something with that boy and somehow, he seemed to control her cousin. Off is a troubled child because of what happened to his family so that's how intense his trust issues are with people. but Gun is different. Off may not yet know how much Gun has impacted him, but Jennie feels that Gun is one of the reasons why Off's thoughts seem to become more positive these days.

She could not count anymore how many times she had seen the two together. There are times when she catches them eating outside the campus whilst she's driving her car and there are also times when they go home together. She no longer asks Off about it but it cannot be denied that she is still secretly watching over her cousin.

Now that she is getting married, she can't help but worry for Off, but because of Gun, she is somehow complacent. It's not that he doesn't trust Off's friends but she thought that Tay, Arm, and New couldn’t always be with him.

"Then I won't just be attending your wedding"

Jennie looked at her cousin and probably laughed softly.

"I know you can't. You can't stand not seeing me before I get married"

Off just scratched his forehead. His cousin really knows him and she knows very well that he will not be able to not go to her wedding.

"I really want Gun to be your date"

"Why is there still a date. I’ll be attending your wedding, not a prom"

"I just want to, why?"

Jennie just smiled. She knew she didn't have to force Off on this matter, “Gun will agree on this, believe me Off. He’s my student so he wouldn’t really say no to me”

* * *

Off does not know how to start his message to Gun. He had been holding his cellphone for a while but until now he did not know what to say.

He tried several times to compose but he also erased it because he thought it was awkward. He never did this before. Often, women are the first ones to text him to invite him on a date, just a little wink, and arrogance, few free buckets of beer or a few bottles of wine, would be enough

He did not think that he would reach the point where he himself would ask someone if he could be his date and honestly, he did not know why he was hesitant, he did not know why he seemed afraid to be rejected. Maybe, because he has never experienced that before, or maybe because Gun is the one in question?

"Have you talked to Alice yet?" he heard New ask Arm. Doubt was also obvious to him. Alice hasn't talked to him for a few days. Off also doesn't know the reason but he doesn't want to get too involved. He knew Arm and he knew what to do.

"I really plan to talk to her today but Gun and Oab are always with her. I know that she will not just leave his friends just to talk to me" Arm replied to New. Even so, he was sure of what he’ll give to and the wedding invitation was ready as proof that he needed a date for Jennie's wedding.

"You Off? What are you up to? I can talk to Gun if you want?"

"I already thought that, but maybe it's better to just tell him on my own"

New smiled secretly. He knew that Off and Gun met more often, those were moments he did not expect to see. He only saw the two come out of the school backyard once. He thought it would never happen again since the two did not get to know each other very well at first, but he was really happy that they’re getting closer as time goes by. He just can't tell this to others because New knows it isn’t his job anymore. What matters to him is that Off and Gun get along like what he wanted.

Both Gun and Off have changed but not in a bad way. For some reason, New finds them better. It looks like the result of their quarrel at first was good because right now, although they’re keeping it low key, they still act as good friends in private and New couldn’t wish for more—or maybe yes?

"My order is already there," Arm said while holding his cellphone and quickly got up from his chair.

"Where are you going?" New asked the friend in astonishment

"I'll take the flower. It looks like it's outside"

"When have you ever been fond of giving flowers?" New just smiled as he leaned his head on his hand.

Arm acted like he was thinking and then looked at his friends as his cheeks flushed.

"Since I liked Alice?"

"Nice one lover boy" Tay commented and probably put his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder

"Off, why are you still sitting?" Arm said suddenly and pointed at Off

"Me?"

"Come on, the chocolate is already there"

"I didn't order anything"

"I know, so I ordered for you. Come on, so you can finally end this problem" Arm replied and pulled Off upright, away from Tay and New who were just laughing at their two friends.

"Looks like we can finally experience the triple date too, Hin"

* * *

"Why are we running, Gun?"

Gun suddenly stopped running when he heard his friend. he also did not know what to answer to her. Oab just followed the two of them, the distance was a bit far because they were just walking unlike them who ran away from Off and Arm after being asked if they could be their dates at the wedding.

Gun did not think that Off was his professor's relative that's why the closeness of the two is just like that. Off suddenly became a big shot to him, someone he couldn’t really reach. He felt like there was an invisible line starting to grow thicker in between them.

"I don't think I can go there. I don't have anything to wear and I don't like such occasions" he reasoned to Alice. But honestly, he was still hesitant if this was what he should answer to her

"If your only problem is clothes, I can lend you so you can go" They did not notice that Oab was behind them already. He smiled as his hands were inside his pocket. Alice just looked at her friend and frowned. She shook her head slightly at what her friend had said but Oab just nodded and smiled at her again, assuring that everything is fine and she doesn’t need to worry.

Gun's eyes seemed to be fixed on Oab. He did not know why but something pushed him to agree with what his friend said. Suddenly his cellphone rang. He immediately opened it and read the message.

_From: Off_

_To: Gun_

_If you don’t like to come with us, return the chocolates to my cousin and tell her directly._

Gun just grabbed his neck. He stomped his feet and the annoyance was obvious because of that message.

"Are you okay?" Oab asked her, while Alice approached her slightly and peeked at her cellphone which Gun immediately hid in her pocket.

"I'll talk to you later," Gun said and probably walked away from them, but before he could get too far away from his friends, he shouted

"Oab, about the clothes, I'll message you" Gun stepped his feet again and ran back to where Off spoke to him.

"Why did you agree?" Alice faced Oab looking away, her eyes following Gun. He still wonders why he even volunteered to lend clothes to Gun even though he knew that Off was with him. He could not understand what Oab was thinking. If he is asked, he will not allow Gun to go to the wedding especially if he is just jealous.

But Oab did not think the same way as Alice, he’s not that kind of person. He knew Gun wanted to go especially when he saw how Gun reached out and touched the box of chocolates, and how he ran away because of the thought of it.

"He decides whether he will attend or not. I have nothing to say about that matter" he said, as he makes his way to their building with Alice still following him whilst holding her bouquet.

_From: Gun_

_To: Off_

_Backyard, now_

* * *

_"He is not at fault here. He should not be affected"_

_She was just staring at the floor. She did not think that she would get to the point where he had to kneel just for the sake of her husband._

_There are things that Mrs. Phunsawat never thought to say to anyone, things she wanted to escape and bury in oblivion, things she thought that when she ran and tried to escape, she would not be bothered by her conscience anymore. But in the end, she still could not sleep well because, with each blink of her eyes, her husband’s pleading face was what she remembered._

_"You come back to say it's your fault?" the man laughed at her. Her whole body was almost shaking from kneeling on the cold floor._

_"Well, you’re actually right, it's really your fault. If my brother didn't know you, and if you didn't have a child, it wouldn't happen to him, would it?"_

_She was on the verge of tears but she could not even speak. He also blamed himself several times. If he hadn't just sent in the sweet words of Gun's father, it probably wouldn't have happened. If only he had not forced himself, if at first, she had listened to what people said and warned her, it would not have led to this._

_If he had not just returned, nothing would have happened. It was too late for her to realize that she had done so many drastic things because of love and hate._

_"Leave, no matter what you say you will not benefit from us. You should suffer, you don’t deserve to be at peace"_

_And just like that, she was dragged out of the house again, as had happened to her several times in the past few months of going back and forth to the place._

_She wiped away her tears and walked away, fixing her messy hair._

_It’s another day of acting like everything is fine, like the usual._

* * *

"Why do you look so happy?"

Jennie felt a warm hug coming from her fiance, followed by butterfly kisses on her cheeks. She'd been standing on their balcony, thinking about her cousin since earlier and until now, she still couldn't believe that he really did ask Gun to be his date for her upcoming wedding. It was the first time for Off to act like this. Honestly, he already lost the hope that Off will do it, but when she caught them again, going out of the fenced backyard of the school, she couldn't help but expect from those two

"Was it because of your favorite cousin?" Jennie slowly nodded, the glass of wine in her hand is still half full so she drinks it slowly until nothing is left. She heard her phone ringing on the small round table and her fiance took it for her.

Both of them read the message from Off, whilst her soon to be husband's head is resting on her shoulder, being intoxicated with her sweet perfume. She faced him and then flashed her sweet smile as she gave him a peck on his lips.

"I guess I shouldn't worry about his date anymore"

_To: Jennie_

_From: CottonCousin_

_"He agreed, we need suits"_


	14. Chapter 13

"Aren't they coming yet?"

Almost everyone has arrived but Off and Gun are still missing. Earlier, Tay came back to ask Arm and in fact he was a little annoyed because his friend could not be contacted either. 

Alice also tries to call Gun but her phone just rings and does not answer the call. 

"Looks like the bride will come first before them"

New did not know if he would laugh or worry but maybe the three frowning in front of him was enough. He did not want to think and worry about Off and Gun anymore so, he just left the boyfriend and the two friends to do the job for him

The whole church is filled with white and fresh flowers. The relatives of the bride and groom are also complete. The interior is beautiful and the guests are ready for the bride to arrive. There are also people at the entrace, smiling and waiting for the new married couple who will get to be showered with flowers later. 

The ceremony is about to start in a few minutes but even the shadows of Off and Gun were not seen by the four. 

"I really should have picked up Gun earlier" Alice said frowning. Arm noticed this so he held her hand as if to say that it was not Alice's fault why Gun was not there yet. 

"Did Off still drink last night? We really should go home to the dorm" Tay said worriedly. It is normal for Off to be late but not in such instances especially when married to one of the people closest to his life. It is also impossible for Off to forget this so he does not understand why until now it does not exist. 

In addition, Gun is also not the type of person to be late especially if he knows an occasion is important. They had never seen Gun running against time to get to class because he was always early. There are even times when Gun arrived first to school before the guards that's why Alice is very worried. 

"Will they be coming together?" not in Arm's willful question

"Impossible" Alice kept calling her friend but Gun still did not answer, "No one knows Gun's house"

"Have you been friends for a long time? The school year is over in a few days" 

"Let's just say that, we don't have to know everything about him to say he is our friend"

"The bride is coming" the three just turned around near the entrance because they heard the whispers of the guests. 

"Looks like, those two will be in big trouble"

* * *

_It was late at night but Off and Gun were still together. Things they did not do before but now are becoming more frequent. Gun has also been in Off's car several times because of Off's insistence on him which is often because of Bibii but now, the reason is different._

_Jennie called Off earlier, saying she's looking for him. At first, Gun thought it was just a joke but when he talked to his professor on the other phone line, her voice immediately became familiar to him._

_The only difference is, her voice is soft as if it is different from the professor he often sees in the hallway that the students avoid, different from Jennie who he often interacts with who is also the reason why he almost failed to step on the next one year level._

_"Gun, come here with Off. I will prepare the clothes you will wear for my wedding"_

_Those were the last words he heard from his professor. She even spoke loudly so he was sure of what he heard. Off also heard this earlier so he immediately pulled him to the car._

_And now, he has been silent for 30 minutes sitting in the shotgun seat of his car while looking out the closed window of the car and listening to the songs coming from the music player in front of him that even a few times he saw still amazes him._

_"Why are you so quiet?"_

_Gun glanced at Off for a moment as his gaze focused on the road whilst driving. He did not look at him so he turned his gaze back to the window._

_"I have nothing to say"_

_Once again the silence resounded inside the car that even though the music player was playing, Off felt that the silence was still deafening, was not used to this kind of Gun._

_"Do you have a problem? I noticed you have been out of your senses for days already"_

_Off did not know where he got those words. Maybe he also did not see Gun in the school backyard for a few nights. For no apparent reason Off feels like there is something bothers Gun because he keeps on spacing out_

_Although they did not talk everyday , there were times when his eyes sees Gun walking or sitting somewhere inside the campus as if he was not on his own self, as if his mind's wandering somewhere else._

_Gun smirked. He did not want such questions but he did not have the strength to answer Off. Mook called him several times but even his friend could not give an answer about his mother. He was disgusted with himself. He felt worthless because he was still asking for information about his parents when he's the son._

_"Do you always look at me? Are you watching over me, Jumpol?" Instead of answering Off's question, he just thought of making fun of it, "I'm the only one you see Off, that's dangerous, maybe you already like me"_

_He just heard Off laugh next to him. It seemed unbelievable what he heard from Gun._

_"No matter what happens, you can't like me. My life is chaotic"_

_Gun secretly bit his lip. The sadness was obvious in his eyes. During those hours in the car, Off almost noticed his empty eyes so he could not read them. Gun smiled, and even joked with him now but Off knew that something else was bothering him — something he knew Gun did not want to tell him._

_"My life's just the same as yours, chaotic"_

_"We're different Off. I can't reach you"_

_Gun was confused and in fact, he did not know what he was saying. Maybe they are both having a chaotic life. Gun knows that Off's relationship with his father is not good and it has been a year since Off last saw his mother especially since his parents separated._

_Even so, Gun still couldn't help but compare Off's situation to his. Gun did not treat his mother well and in addition, his father was imprisoned because of killing someone. He has to work to earn and somehow support himself. Off is still lucky, more lucky than him._

_"Don't worry, I don't like short people"_

_It was as if all of Gun's thoughts suddenly disappeared when he heard Off's retaliatory joke._

_"I also don't hit on a drunkard"_

_Suddenly, a burst of laughter filled the entire car, at the same time as its windows opened and a strong wind entered that seemed to drive away the things that were bothering the two of them as they sang the familiar lyrics from the music player._

* * *

_"It's late, why are you here"_

_Jennie did not expect the two will be visiting her tonight . In fact, he did not expect them to come together now because it was 10:00 pm. Her fiancé was also asleep, so when Off and Gun suddenly knocked on their door, carrying a white dog, she was shocked._

_"Didn't you say, we went to get some clothes?"_

_Jennie scratched her head. She reached for the fork and stabbed a piece of chicken nuggets that Off had brought earlier from the drive thru of a famous fast food chain. Gun was surprised so he backed away from his chair._

_"I said that but I didn't say it now"_

_His cousin just laughed at him. Off already knew Jennie and he knew she would not be angry with him because he went unannounced if not, then it's because he was already late and they were probably just worrying about them — especially and she had someone else with him._

_"You should have clarified"_

_Jennie nodded her head which made her cousin laugh even more._

_This is the first time Gun has seen Off as if there is no problem in life. This is also the first time he has seen his professor look like a friend to Off. He did not realize that he was smiling from his seat. He had forgotten the reason why they were here. They will just really get dressed like off says but it looks like the cousin has already caught his full attention._

_"Why is there a dog?" Jennie asked as she stared at Bibii who was sleeping on the small carpet in their dining room._

_"I won't go home, no one will feed her so I brought her" Off replied, chewing one of the nuggets at the same time._

_Gun immediately looked at him, his eyes almost widened but he could not speak so he secretly pinched Off. The young man frowned at what Gun did. Jennie noticed this and secretly smiled which was also immediately removed before she could be seen by Off._

_Off frowned when he looked at Gun. Gun's sharp eyes also rewarded him. He just smirked, he actually really picked it up. He has no intention of not going home. They really only took Bibii because he wanted her to enjoy some fresh air because he couldn't even let her out of their dorm._

_But now, it looks like he doesn't want to go home first._

_"I'm not going home" Off replied teasingly while looking at his cousin_

_"What about Gun?" Jennie asked him, "will you send him home alone?"_

_"It's up to him, as long as I can sleep here" Off mockingly said, obviously his words are intended to be heard by Gun._

_Jennie knows that Gun can't come home of course, Off also knows that. At that time, Gun could think of nothing but the possible cost of the fare to home because he also did not know how to go back on his own. He could not even force Off because they were in front of his professor_

_"You can spend the night here Gun. Don't go home because tomorrow you will also get the clothes, there is a free room here so you don't have to worry"_

_"Wait, there's only one room, right? Master's bedroom and I'll be staying there" Gun still couldn't answer but he immediately heard Off complained, "No way, he'll stay here on the sofa"_

_"If you don't want to be in the room together, why don't you take him now"_

_"No"_  
  


  
_"Well then, Gun. Get some rest. I'll just get you some clothes"_

_Jennie immediately stood up and left the two behind. Gun got up from his seat and walked away to carry Bibii_

_"Where are you going?" Off's gaze followed him along with his question_

_"Master's Bedroom" he replied._

_"No way, I should be there"_

_"May the first to arrive wins" Gun replied and quickly ran while holding Bibii, followed by Off who was chasing him._

* * *

_"Why are you still awake?"_

_Gun immediately turned around when he heard Jen's voice. He could not answer immediately, yet Jen slowly walked towards him with a glass of hot milk and sat down next to him._

_The night was cold, maybe because of the trees around his professor's house. The two of them just sat on the terrace watching the clouds pass by the shining stars._

_Gun is used to it during nights when he can't sleep. One of the things he does to calm himself down especially in times he feels troubled. He has also been worried for a few nights thinking about what Mook said. He tried to ignore it because he also did not know how to talk to his mother._

_Doubt — or fear. Gun never once knew the story of his parents not because he did not care but because he was afraid of being hurt._

_He feels it is ok that he does not know things, that he wasn't aware. He thinks it is ok to see his parents arguing because of something he does not know, he thought it was normal sicne he was a kid back then but now that he thinks about it, seems like it was normal—but just for him_

_"You look so close to my cousin, aren't you annoyed with him? Isn't he a mess for you, bad student I guess"_

_Jennie did not know what was on her student's mind. However, she tried to open a topic so that the two of them could talk._

_She also wanted to get to know the young man even a little, he wanted to know what Gun had and it seemed to tame his tiger cousin._

_"What do you think of students like Off, Gun?"_

_Jennie could not deny that Gun was a smart kid. So she just admired the child. She thinks, if Gun continues pursuing being a teacher, his future students will definitely love him. But even so, there are times when Jennie couldn't feel his heart for teaching. She couldn't help but wonder if this was really the course Gun wanted._

_"We aren't that close, I'm not even sure if he considers me as his friend" he paused for a second before he continued speaking, "but if you're asking me about my views of students, I don't think there are any bad or good student "_

_Jennie was amazed with the way Gun answered her question. She didn't expect it from the timid kid who always sits in front of the class, taking notes of every lesson she taught._

_"There are only different kinds of students with various stories. Something which influenced them to be the person they are right now. If there's such thing as a bad or good student, then I should say, I'm the worst"_

_Jennie doesn't know how Gun got those answers, but she gradually understands why Off is getting closer to the young man._

_They saw themselves in each other, and that very moment, Jennie realized that both Gun and Off would be able to understand each other even without words.Their eyes speak the same language_

_She doesn't need to ask anymore about Gun's life, she doesn't need to interrogate him anymore, she just knew, Gun and Off's similar to each other._

_And both Gun and Off is getting closer to realize it._

* * *

_"We'll be late Off!"_

_Other cars have a loud horn but Off's horn is louder. He is also a little annoyed because they have been stuck in traffic for a long time._

_"We should really just go with them"_

_"I have a car, right?"_

_"I do not"_

_"Why did you come with me?"_

_"Because I don't have a car"_

_Off went out to see how far the church was from where they stopped. He thinks it's only fifteen minutes to walk because his eyes can already clearly see it._

_He picked up the phone and immediately called one of the drivers to their house, probably got in the car again and sidestep it on the road._

_"Wait what are you doing?" Off just kept turning the steering wheel until he could park the car on the side of the street_

_"Out"_

  
_"Why should I come out?" Gun asked Off in astonishment but he just shook his head and grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the car._

_"Can you run fast?"_

_"What?"_

_Gun was unable to answer because Off held his hand tightly, dragging him while running to the church, totally ignoring the people watching them whilst they're running hand in hand._

_"Wait Off what about your car?!"_

* * *

"There they are!"

Alice immediately got up from her seat when she saw Off and Gun rushing into the church. They thought the two would not be able to catch up but it was good to know and they could enter before the bride. 

"Where are you from Gun, why do you look so tired" the girl handed her handkerchief to her friend who Gun accepted. 

"Caught in traffic" was his reluctant reply. 

"We really thought you were the ones to get married, you almost had to compete for the spotlight against the bride and groom" New teased with a smile. 

Gun and Off would have answered but the ceremony started immediately so they could not defend themselves anymore. New and Tay are sitting next to each other, so are Alice and Arm. Since Gun is Off's companion, the two need to sit together. 

Everyone's attention was caught by the bride. She was wearing a beautiful white gown, while the veil covered her face. Even so, everyone can see her beauty. 

Off never believed in weddings, especially when he found out his parents were going to separate. He thinks that it will only cost money and soon the family once united will also be destroyed, just like what happened to his family. 

Gun, on the other hand, was thinking of a different thing. This isn't the first time for him to be invited in a wedding but this is the first time he actually attended and he should say, it was far different from the usual things he had seen in movies, even in books that he had read before. 

It's like a whole new world in front of him. 

He feels like he doesn't belong in the place, he thought if it would be nice to get married to someone he'll love, someone who's willing to spend the rest of his life to be with him. Would he be happy? Would he be wearing the same smile his professor is wearing right now? 

But his thoughts easily disrupted when he remembered how his parents used to throw things to each other, shouting and cursing whilst he's hiding in his room, covered with his blanket which he hoped will guard him with the noises he'd been hearing. It was traumatic for him, but he couldn't even disregard the beautiful words both the Bride and Groom had been saying as their vows of love in front of the heavens. 

Nevertheless, for Gun, it's amusing. A beautiful scene he never knew he would love to witness and without him knowing, he already caught Off's attention, secretly smiling whilst watching how he played with his fingers and how his plump lips curved into a smile. 

Off's heart might have skipped a beat—maybe it was because they're somewhere other than school, because Gun's wearing a different style than his usual baggy pants and oversized striped shirts he usually wears, or maybe because of how his eyes glitters whilst watching the beautiful bride exchaging vows with her husband

But at that moment at least, Gun is the only person Off could see, as if he was the one under the spotlight. 

And maybe, Gun might have felt the same thing ... 

* * *

_Off's been sitting on the bed for minutes already since he told Gun to get lost._

_He was just joking, but Gun immediately got pissed and actually left the room. Off is a prideful one, so he just let it go because he knew Gun would also return to the room._

_He stood up and roam around. He spent several nights in this place already but never once did he touch the books and magazines that were neatly placed on the bookshelf until now._

_He took a magazine and scanned it, turning the pages one by one until his eyes caught a weird article._

_"How will you know if you like someone?"_

_He saw pictures of different couples featured in the magazine, some looks cute, some looks good together, some seem weird for him. He continued scanning until he saw a list about How in denial could a person be when it comes to love and it tickled his interest for some reason._

_Weird thing is, the more he gets through the list, he only thought of one person._

_"You're still up? Why won't you just sleep?"_

_Feels like an adrenaline rush and Off immediately placed the magazine back to its place in the shelf, as if he was caught doing something dirty._

_"Are you alright? Why are you so red?" Gun saw how red Off's ears were so immediately walked towards the man and just when he's about to touch his forehead, Off stepped back and get back to the bed._

_"Why did I have to think about him whilst reading that stupid list?" Off said to himself as he covered his whole body with the soft blanket._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how long this fanfic will be but I hope you'll enjoy it. This is just one of my random stories. Thank you :) You can also find me in twitter @VeronAleen


End file.
